A
female
age
41-50,
*enta
writes:Been seeing this guy since Nov and we are not exclusive. Never had that talk. He is a bit of the player kind. i picked up on this. We hang out a few times a week, I stay over watch tv, eat dinner, laugh a lot. We have only gone on a few outside dates since Nov. I always let that go until recently I began to feel like I was his dirty little secret. Never brings me out, he is also living at his moms since she had a stroke to help he out and whenever I come over he will sneak me down stairs to his apt. His sister and Brother in law live up there too. This man is 41. No need to sneak. SO I let that go for a bit. Then for the past 2 weekend he suddenly canceled and I knew he had to be seein someone. So on Monday I told him I wanted to talk to him. I sat him down and asked him if he was seeing anyone and that I feel like his dirty little secret. I said I think you may have a weekend gf since you see me on the weekdays. He denied it all and said he hasnt been with anyone since me Lie because I counted some condoms he had in his draw and they are down to one. 2 weeks ago there were 2 now I looked last night only 1 left so clearly I have my answer. Is he lieing because he is playin me or becasue he like me and does not want me to leave. I told him I was torn with him and not sure if I wanted to continue seeing him if we were never going to do outside stuff. Who wants to sit in around summer time?? I am a good lookin girl wouldnt he want to be seen with me?? So he denies it all. But then suddenly when I went over today he tells me to come in the front door and then he says do you want to meet my brother in law? I said sure. So I went in and said hi. Then he tells me he always called me earlier to go get a drink. So suddenly since I had this talk and the very next day I meet the brother in law and then he was thinking of asking me out for a drink? Is this becasue he wants to prove something or just to show me there is no one else? Just find it weird I say something and next day he is bringing me around? I didnt mean to do it that quick. But what do you think why suddenly and is he playin games?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2011): Why do you feel you are entitled to know who he is dating? He's single and owes you no explanation. If you want someone who just has sex with you then get a boyfriend and stop having casual sex!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2011): There is no way for us to know what he is doing, but I would say this is not a good situation. Counting condoms, is this really how you want to relate to someone- you have only just started seeing him and you're spying on him because he is not trustworthy!
Someone who hides you and lies to you is not someone you want a relationship with. Relationships should be in the open from the start otherwise don't enter into them. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (10 February 2011):
 Well it sounds to me like you may have found your proof if there were missing condoms. But maybe however he realised after your talk that he really likes you and that he doesnt want to lose you. At least you spoke honestly to him and in return he is now changing his behaviour which is good. Maybe he just needed to be told how you felt and hopefully now he will change.
You have been seeing each other since November therefore i think it would be a great time now to ask him were the relationship is going between the both of you, or even if he wants a committed relationship. It does sound to me like this man has been dishonest and he may not be the type of guy who will commit, i guess only time will tell. Maybe give him a chance and see if he turns out to be a decent guy. Goodluck Hun.
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