A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:What’s up with guys who can’t seem to get past their ex-wife ‘taking’ the house, the children and the car etc. in a divorce settlement when it’s been 17 years ago? And what’s up with the word - taking; when it was ‘given’ by the courts?If the wife is solely at home looking after their 3 children – 9 (minor-disabled); 7 and 2 years of age, without a car and financial dependent on the husband… What’s wrong with providing them the shelter, stability and security when the husbands totally inept to carry out the needs of his children, but in a stronger position to rebuild and restart again?What’s with the bitterness and lack of the rational from such a guy?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2010): ORIGINAL POST WRITTERIt's a tragedy by all counts when young children are involved and that the guy didn't consider the daily emotional importance of it all whilst still in the marriage. In the marriage he chose to build a house and not a HOME but moved overseas after his parents said there was nothing for him here… to stay and see his children; to perceiver or fight for his rights…When he was in another marriage (with no children and a mortgage) he found it all too hard to deal with a typical rebellious teenage daughter who visited and sent her packing back to her mother on a plane New Years Eve. But blames the ex-wife for sending her to him as she and her husband couldn’t handle her either...His bitterness towards his ex-wife is extraordinary when he could do no better and followed other people’s advice to move away and to send his daughter back. It seems like he takes no responsibility for the marriage breaking down but loathes loosing his house and material possessions greater than loosing his children! Is this really rational thinking? As a bystander or not what’s up with such a guy?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2010): If you have to ask this question, you'll never understand it.
Imagine someone from the govt shows up at your door, takes your wife & kids away, kicks you out of your own house, and then sends you a huge monthly bill for the next 10 or 20 years.
No, really, THINK about this. You're standing on the lawn of your house looking at the locked door, your family is being driven away in a van, your wallet is empty and you need a place to stay tonight . . . This is REAL! Everything emotionally important in your daily life is gone, and you have to keep PAYING for this!
Being rational about it is easier when you're a bystander and not emotionally affected.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (17 May 2010):
Well, it can be in a lot of divorces that men do end up hard done by. Imagine being a man who lives at home, can see his kids any time, knows he has a bed, a stable life. Suddenly, the marriage breaks down, and he's literally ordered out of the house, he's suddenly told he can only see his kids every couple of weekends if he's lucky, and then he has to pay a fortune out for a family he never sees and a house he can live in. I'd be pretty mad too. In the same way that a woman would be mad if her husband was given the house, the car and the majority of the time with the kids. You have to admit that if your roles had been reversed, you'd have been resentful.
However, I suspect that your divorce was not this simple, and it seems to me like your husband wasn't overly great in the first place. My girlfriend got a divorce some time back from her awful husband, and all he did was moan that she was able to keep the house. It didn't matter that she had her own career and owned half the house, all he cared about was that she had got the house. Seems to me like your husband is just a selfish man who spends to much time on his own life rather than focusing on what he had to in the first place. So I don't think you're in the wrong at all, and I do think he has a responsibility towards you.
But don't make the mistake of thinking all divorces are just like that. I know a few good men who have been left high and dry by the courts, and have ex wives who screw them out of their time with their children. The truth is woman and men are much the same and can be just as bad when it comes to divorces. It just depends how you look at it and what the deal was at the time. You were, I think, married to a pretty selfish guy. So the deal you got is one that you deserve. But divorces aren't the same for everyone. Some people do get screwed.
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