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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I recalled all of my relationships of the past. I haven't been in just one or two, but a little more than a few. I don't sleep around, and I don't settle for the first thing that comes my way. I feel love, I do not just feel lust. I try to be realistic, but I realize now for sure that all of my partners have wanted me for lust out of all things. I even waited for a 5 years until I dated again between my most recent relationship and the one that came before. Until I met someone last year. And, he was at first using me for my body in retrospect, and later he fell for me for more than that, but more as a friend.I don't see the point in being or trying to be attractive when the bees that come to your hive are then all just focused on one thing. It takes quite some work for me to be certifiably 'hot.' I don't think I've ever reached that point for an extended period of time, but I have reached the point where I can get more than enough attention. I have always tried to take care of my looks so as to not be left out and to reduce my chances with guys, but after having every single one of my relationships start more than partially because I was 'sexy' or 'attractive' to someone, and then for the entire thing to unfold, what is the point in being easily recognizable as attractive? I tried to be my physical best because I'm initially shy and I doubt people would notice me for my glaring personality, but when my and potential love for someone is reciprocated by uncaring lust, what's the use in trying to be good enough physically to be noticed? I am not saying the guys I dated were scum or anything. They were all in transitions in their lives. I actually don't know what they wanted from me exactly. A few claimed they wanted to stay with me indefinitely, but I doubt that the inner recesses of their minds concurred with that. Perhaps they were deluded.So, what's the point of being attractive or hot when it just attracts those that notice your physical assets while not appreciating your other assets first? Is it impossible for a guy to see a girl who is just cute, and fall in love with her deeply? The guy I fell for most was the least attractive person to me of the guys I've dated. He looked like a garden gnome but his personality made him so...hot...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tangerine Toffee  +, writes (30 January 2010):
Possible catch 22.
See, I'm possibly on the opposite end of the spectrum. On the hot-o-meter I'd probably score a 1 or 2 - and that's just being polite.
But, what I've noticed, is that the guys who have in the past been attracted to me only wanted one thing. Yeah, ever lasting love wasn't on the list, unfortunately.
My take is that...if you're a blessed hottie...guys still want one thing...and if you're not...well hey, no worries there, they still want the same thing!
All I have have to say to you though, is congratulations! Its tough work keeping yourself looking good. If that makes you happy - stick with it. And if guys cannot see that there's more to you...then its their loss. Good luck!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2010): So you don't think looking your best necessarily is the best thing for getting the right man.
Enjoy it. Don't ever forget that tons & tons of women (and plenty of men too) who feel severely limited by their looks would kill to trade places with you. You could look at this as something to be frustrated about or you could look at it as something freeing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2010): Thats the thing. We go for personality as much as looks. A lot of them go for looks. To be noticed, you need to `look the part`. So we dress up and make the most of what we have. But when our efforts are rewarded by their attention, we feel they are attracted to us for the wrong reasons! But they arent really. They need the visual stimulation, once they are attracted and engage with us, we either bond or we dont x
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