A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Three years ago I was dating someone and it ended very horribly. She left me for another guy and it left me distressed beyond anything I had ever felt. I treated her with respect, listened to her when she spoke, and did what I thought was love her with everything I had. In this distress I happen to stumble upon another girl who I blindly got into a relationship because I wasn't thinking clearly. This girl happen to be a drug user, a drunk, controlling, and would abuse me leaving me in more shambles. I somehow managed to escape this abuse and moved to a new city. Moving made me happy being single and away from all the emotional distress these women put me through. My question is to anyone who can answer is what's the purpose of relationships when all it does is give someone power to hurt you?. I don't understand anymore because I'm happy and have no desire to seek any more relationships. I'm free from all the pain and I don't have to put up with drama. When I look back at these relationships the cons outweighed the pros. I just don't understand because I use to believe in finding true love but that's not me anymore, I love being alone.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (24 January 2017):
 If you love being alone then that is great. I personally would hate being alone. I don't see my relationship as one or both off us having power to hurt each other. While we could both hurt each other we choose not to because we love each other. My guess is that you where with two girls who did not return your love and yes that does hurt and it is difficult. I have had my heart broken but it made me stronger and made me see what I did and did not want in a relationship.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (24 January 2017):
 You are currently in a very strong position because you don't actually NEED a partner. Well done for escaping the abusive relationship; that must have been dreadful for you and it is little wonder you are now so insular.
However, once you have licked your wounds and grown stronger emotionally, you will probably find someone you are willing to risk letting get close to you. This time you will be likely to make better choices because you don't actually NEED someone beside you. It will be a very special lady who will win your heart - because you won't settle for anything less.
In the meantime, enjoy your own company. Do what you want to do. When you are ready, fate will send you someone who will be right for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's not the rejection that hurted. It's giving yourself to someone, telling them all your fears, letting them inside, and then watch them use all your insecurities against you. The one that left me I had planned on marrying and we where together for three years and the second I went through hell for a year. Yes it hurt when my three year relationship fell apart but it hurt even more to see everything I confided in her used against me. The second took advatage of what had happened to me and pretended to care. I thought part of being in a relationship was to share parts of yourself you don't let others see and them doing the same. I just don't see any reason of a relationship anymore because it seems all women do this, well at least from my experience. I'd just rather keep to myself than going through this vicious cycle anymore. I'm just trying to understand my new found stance on what really is love.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (24 January 2017):
If you are able to live the rest of your life as a happily single person than by all means do it. It is easier, no doubt about it.
But realistically, you're probably going to get lonely. Love can hurt, but part of that is up to you. Being rejected can be the most painful thing next to death, but it's really about ego and selfishness.
If you are rejected that doesn't mean you're unlovable, or that you'll never be happy again, or that you'll never find someone as good.
You already know that you can be happy when your single, and that you could find someone else, so the thought of a breakup shouldn't hurt you too bad.
Every time I have been hurt by a woman I've moved on and found someone better for me. I also don't let that sense of Los take over and make me miserable. I just remind myself that if we were compatible than we wouldn't be in this position in the first place.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (24 January 2017):
 I used to share the same outlook as you after I had my 'heart broken' for the first time when I was 18. I asked out a girl I had been seeing and she said no and my world imploded, I thought I'd never get over the misery that I was feeling and in turn became very cynical towards relationships.
I had the exact same reasoning as you, that you are basically giving someone the power to destroy you but it's about having the trust in them not to. I've met other people since and gotten to really like them but still at age 25 I've never had a girlfriend. The thing is even though I've had no success I've changed my view on things massively. I've learnt to realise that dating is all about trial and error, it's about finding out what you like and don't like in a potential partner until you find the one that compliments you perfectly.
I've been hurt a few times in the past and still a little that way currently, but having a negative view on relationships and just saying they're a waste of time is wrong. You've just unfortunately been out with people that weren't right for you and everytime that happens I feel as though you're moving closer to the person that is for you as you've learned more things that you enjoy and don't like about people and are able to spot red flags that you wouldn't of noticed in previous relationships.
I have friends that have been with their other half since high school and tell me how great it is to be able to spend their life with their best friend. That's what a relationship is about and I'm pretty sure that when you're in one with the right person your view will change. If you're happy being single then go with it, but don't stay bitter towards relationships because you never know when someone might come along and you could shut them out if you're still holding onto These negative thoughts.
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A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (24 January 2017):
 You are the sum of your choices. I dont want to put blame anywhere but take a deep breath and think this through. You chose these women--lesson learned here is to chose different women. Or the choice to be alone is yours to make as well. Why do people hurt others? Because they are emotionally immature, abusive, narcissistic, depressed, evil, morally corrupt, takers and not givers, any of these reasons but the fact of the matter is it is your choice WHO you want to surround yourself with. You were never obligated to be with or give to these women, you chosed to. Blame is on both parties.What do you do after this? You make better decisions. You chose better women. You chose a better you. Or you chose to be single. Its ENTIRELY up to you, thats the beauty of it all. People lay blame on circumstances but it all comes down to choices sometimes. You have only known women who take and abuse. There are women who give and love and enriched men's lives. Sorry you have not met those but I think for now, being single sounds wonderful. So stay single ! And enjoy life for what it is. Good luck
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 January 2017):
 The purpose of a relationship is not about power. At least not for most.
USUALLY, it's pretty basic - it's about finding a mate with whom you want to produce and raise offspring.
For some, it's less about the offspring but to have someone to share life with, experience life with.
IF you are happy being single, then ENJOY life as it is. NO ONE says you HAVE to have a partner to have a happy and fulfilling life.
One thing, though, OP - you have to take responsibility for your own choices. IF you date someone and find them to be a drug user, a drunk, controlling, and abusive - YOU made that choice and YOU can end it and put a stop to it.
NOT that I am blaming you. But it takes two to tango. and YOU did end it, you did ESCAPE! YOU.
Don't give up IF you want to have a relationship. If you don't, that is fine too. I think some people are VERY content and happy being on their own.
Just don't feel embittered, LEARN from mistakes and bad experiences.
Look at Jaycee Dugard. Kidnapped, molested, raped, imprisoned by a couple of sickos, giving birth in some happenstance shelter in a backyard, twice!! FOR 18 YEARS! And today? She is a WONDERFUL person. She chose NOT to let those people RUIN her life or that of her children, SHE chose to be stronger than them, to rise above, to HELP others. 18 years!
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