A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello!I have been dating my boyfriend for a year now and before this we were good friends for 6 years. I am having trouble over some things he did in his past and I have struggled with these throughout all of our relationship. These problems were even a reason I was not sure if I even wanted to start dating him. So, the history6 years ago he started dating one of my friends. They dated for a year and a half until he broke up with her. A few months after that he dated another one of our friends for about 3 months (rebound I guess) and he broke up with her, even though they slept together intermittently for the next 2 years. During one of their off times, he slept with another mutual friend about 6 times. All of this ended about a year before we started dating. He is the kindest, most generous supportive loving person I have ever been with. He says, and I know that he was going through severe depression and anxiety in this time along with other emotional issues. I love him and our relationship and even other friends say they have never seen him this happy. However, I cannot help but feel jealous because of what he has done and I bring it up every few weeks and get mad at himHow can I ever move past his past?
View related questions:
broke up, jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (24 January 2017):
 What he has done?
He did not do anything wrong at all. Just because you where all friends does not mean you have a right to be mad at him. Did anyone force you to date him? Or any off your other friends? No. Honestly I think if you keep getting mad at him every few weeks he will get fed up and leave for another off your friends if you are not careful. He has done nothing wrong to you, if you cannot accept his past then end things and move on to someone else.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (24 January 2017):
 Do YOU not have a past at all? Do you not have "baggage"?
What he went through in the past has made him the special person he is today We are moulded by our experiences. If he had not been through what he did, he would be very different now and you might not even like him.
There is absolutely nothing he can do to change his past. However, he CAN change his future and choose to dump you because you make him feel bad. Imagine your life without him. How does that make you feel? If you dread the thought, then you really need to stop throwing the past in his face before he decides to make YOU part of his past.
He has chosen to be with YOU. Keep reminding yourself of that and make your relationship so strong that you no longer worry about anything that happened before.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2017): I really don't see that he's done anything wrong at all. He was only ever with one person at a time and if your friends were happy to date him and go to bed with him, then he must be an attractive man. And he's REALLY happy with YOU!!
My husband went out with my best friend years before he and I got together and it took someone else to point that out to me because I hadn't really twigged that fact!
If he's happy and you're happy, why look for bumps in the road? He would have had sex with someone else before you, is it that awful that they were friends? I don't see why, unless you still see attraction there? But if you can't handle it, you will drive him away anyway, thereby solving your own problem.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2017): I really don't see that he's done anything wrong at all. He was only ever with one person at a time and if your friends were happy to date him and go to bed with him, then he must be an attractive man. And he's REALLY happy with YOU!!
My husband went out with my best friend years before he and I got together and it took someone else to point that out to me because I hadn't really twigged that fact!
If he's happy and you're happy, why look for bumps in the road? He would have had sex with someone else before you, is it that awful that they were friends? I don't see why, unless you still see attraction there? But if you can't handle it, you will drive him away anyway, thereby solving your own problem.
...............................
A
female
reader, singinbluebird  +, writes (24 January 2017):
 I honestly can never understand why people date or sleep with people in their 'friend circle'. My advice is to think this through and see if his actions are proving worthy to be a boyfriend. The past is the past. If you chose to date someone within that friend circle, everything they did before should be put behind you because youve chosen someone that EVERYONE in that group also knows/has relations with. Hes been around the group! He will have a history, the questions is can you handle it and can you also look at him as a friend and with eyes with compassion? Stop seeing him as someone your dating now but as the friend you have known that 6 years.He is deserving of more because hes been your friend longer than your BF. Just because things have shifted towards intimacy does not mean he isnt deserving of understanding and compassion. He didnt know 6 years ago he would be here with you. Give him some creditIf you cant overlook his past, time to end the relationship and lesson is to not date people in your friend circle. Or you can grow with him and chose love instead of jealousy.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 January 2017):
 So why date him?
He can't change the facts or whom he has slept with. For you to drag it UP every few weeks is unfair. YOU had the choice to date or NOT date him and YOU chose to date him. So you could hit him over the head with the fact that he has been through quite a few of your friends already?
IT was 6 years ago!
IF it's a problem for you that he has a SEXUAL past with other women who are your friends, then you should not be dating him. You shouldn't HIT him over the head with his history or past. It's not like he LIED about it. YOU know. And you STILL chose to date him.
HE can't change the past, YOU can't change the past. IF you can't accept that it happened then don't date him.
My guess is, you feel it took him 5 years to go through these girls before dating you, so you must not be as "good" as the others? Think of it this way instead, IF HE hadn't dated/slept with them.... he wouldn't have ended up with you.
Yes, it's NOT the most "attractive" trait to go through your group of female friends (or male) for sexual partners, but it happened and here you two are.
Either you accept it and let it go OR you let him go. That simple.
...............................
|
