A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend hates conflict and talking about "stuff" that might involve emotion. We used to go through a "talk" once a week when I suffered from anxiety. It would end up me crying and him really angry because he said he always felt as though something was wrong with him and he couldn't make me happy.Anyway, I don't suffer from the anxiety anymore. We had even gone on a break because of it. After our break.. he promised he was going to try and be more open. It was perfect for a while. And I don't bring up "talks" anymore. But I'm also finding I can't. He just clams up. And then it's a big deal!I'm all open to growing as a person and trying to stabilize my emotional ups and downs. But I feel like a spirit in me is being dampened. And I don't know if it's me (I've had some low sad points in my life) or PMS or the weather or him not really talking to me about emotional stuff. I just feel a little numb, like what's the point in talkingat all?Can anyone help or relate?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2015): I can relate, i had to have the same talks with my wife once a week. She also had anxiety and depresion and some anger problems. They were usually on the subject of all the things i could do to fix her anxiety and everything i had done wrong over the week. These talks were incredibly draining.
Things are a bit better know. I always tell her that she is charge of her own happiness. Its not fair to put the burden of your happiness on someone else. And talk about issues when they happen because hearing everything you supposedly did wrong all at once only puts a person on the defensive.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2015): Not everything needs to be talked about. I keep a journal on my phone, this helps me sort out my feelings. Sometimes after I type my feelings out, I see that it's not really worth mentioning. Learn to pick your battles...yes emotional talks can be battles. Do you have friends or family that you can discuss some of your feelings with? Or maybe a counselor?
If you notice that you get emotional and get off track of the subject..that can make it hard too. Then even more stuff is added in. maybe make a list of the things you want to talk about with him. I have to do that. And if you or him is getting mad or emotional. Take a break and come back to it.
If you hold everything in, it just curdles and turns into resentment.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2015): Op here. Thanks for your response .. I could have written the last bigger paragraph myself! I really should be more positive instead of overanalysing everything and focussing on fixing what I see as negative. I'm probably too idealistic really.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2015): does it actually 'help' to have these emotional talks?
why are they necessary? Especially if they don't make either of you feel better or happy?
I can relate somewhat as I have anxiety problems and my boyfriend is not keen on entertaining 'emotional talks'. Which from his point of view makes sense. Isn't a relationship supposed to be enjoyable and fun? Yes there is serious stuff too, but I think for the most part you should be happy and having fun. which will help the anxiety and feelings of sadness.
for me it's very easy to get into a vicious cycle of over-analysing, getting over emotionial/stressy until the conversation is basically pointless, with me so upset I don't even know why it started.
Do something you like to lift your spirits and try not to over-think things
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