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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Hello, this might be a bit redundant as there are some similar questions on this site.Anyway, I've been with my boyfriend for over a year and everything's great. However, I recently found out he's lied about his physical preferences.I know he did this just to spare my feelings, and not with any bad intention, but I can't shake it off. From the beginning he told me he's a butt and legs man and that he loves mine. I have a big butt and meaty thighs.He said he didn't really care about breasts. I expressed I was insecure about mine, because he barely gave them attention during sex... so after that he started paying more attention, only because I told him to. Also, my ex used to tell me they were too small and that left a mark.But the other day, through Facebook and his own "openness", I discovered that he in fact likes big breasts a lot. Before he was with me, he used to perv over busty girls, and he used to tell his friend that he'd like to suck on so and so's breasts, some of them are still friends of his or friends of his friends (this naturally makes me insecure and jealous). A lot of the comments and conversations he showed me were regarding real life girls, not celebrities, although there were some, too. There was practically zero talking about butts.I feel like he just told me what he thought would make me feel better, and even though he says he likes my breasts and always has, I don't really believe him. Now I feel like I'm not enough, even though I know that's not what he intended and I'm sure he had forgotten about those conversations (it was his idea to show me, as a "total disclosure" thing to improve our trust)... he now admitted that he likes big breasts, but that he still prefers butts. Still, I feel terribly insecure about mine. Also, like I said, some of the girls he perved on are still within his circle and we see them often.To make matters worse, I have like 30 lbs to lose. I'm sure my boobs will become even smaller. I know I need to detach from his preferences and opinions and love myself, but it's hard! He turns me on completely and there's not a thing I'd change, but now I feel self conscious about my body knowing that he was obsessed with big boobs and sucking on some his acquaintances breasts, and that I'm nowhere near as close in size to them. I imagine him doing that and it kills my mood. It also kills me to think that having larger breasts would make sex more fun or pleasurable to him, or that if I'd had big breasts to begin with he would have always paid attention to them instead of having to ask him.
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boobs, breasts, facebook, insecure, jealous, my ex Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2016): A lot of people are justifying your boyfriend which is a way that people try to make themselves feel better and provide excuses for others.And not all men like or prefer big boobs. There have been countless studies and not one has concluded that all men prefer big boobs.Also, lets clarify what big boobs are because some consider a size C big while other consider that medium. How your breasts look also depend on your body size and shape. A small woman of 95lbs with C cups looks really big on her but that doesn't look so big on a 150b woman with a large frame.Again, if he makes you feel that bad about yourself then it's probably not going to go away and he's not going to stop liking bigger boobs. If he really really like big boobs then he will most likely disrespect you and go searching for women on the internet or in his daily life for women who meet his EXPECTATIONS. Expectations are different for every woman and man. Plus, if he's lying to you about his boob preference then he's probably lying to you about more.Just being honest. Read other women's anecdotes online and you will find this to ring true. Don't hurt yourself in this relationship. Be with someone who ENJOYS you and makes you feel like a SEXY WOMAN.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2016): it obviously is a big deal and your boyfriend obviously lied to so that he wouldn't have problems.People writing this act like it's something so easy to overlook. Do you want to marry this man?Do you want to feel less than for the rest of your LIFE?Do you want to feel insecure?Do you want to torture yourself imagining that he's always perving at a bustier woman walking by or on t.v.?Ask yourself if you really want to live like that. That's asking a lot out of a person. This will probably never stop affecting you on some level and will constantly be looming over your relationship.Do you want someone to settle for you or have to overlook the fact that your breasts aren't big enough to satisfy him sexually?He might not admit it but could very much be envisioning bigger breasted women to get aroused while having sex with you.This is not something that's going to go away, ever.Would you stay with a man if you felt that his penis wasn't enough for you?Maybe but it would rock his self esteem to the core and he might decide to move on to someone who liked his size.People keep saying that it's nothing but if you're seriously considering marrying someone and they constantly need to overlook your breast size then...you might want to think about finding a man who really enjoys your breast size and makes you feel whole. Believe it or not, not all men like really large breasts (DD or bigger), there are A LOT of men who love and prefer smaller sizes. I'm not trying to influence you by anyway. I'm just saying that these are the types of questions you might want to ask yourself before your relationship goes any further and you feel more and more insecure as time goes on and your sex life, feelings, and self esteem suffer.Let's be realistic, that's all. Find someone who you truly enjoy in all aspects (sexually too) and who ENJOYS YOU. There are men who would LOVE your breasts and PREFER them.
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A
female
reader, Sincerely Yours  +, writes (15 January 2015):
 www.dearcupid.org/question/was-i-right-to-break-up-with-my.html
I thought this might help you to see this situation from your boyfriend's perspective. It's not exactly the same, but similar. He obviously loves his girlfriend, but got overwhelmed by her insecurities.
~SY
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (15 January 2015):
Honey, I'm going to clue you in about something. Men like boobs. Big boobs, small boobs, medium sized boobs, lopsided boobs, boobs with small nipples, boobs with big nipples, fake boobs, real boobs, etc.
I am sure your boyfriend loves your boobs!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 January 2015):
 Big boobs is not be-all or end-all thing for most men. I've have always had "smaller" boobs (except when I was nursing) and it's never bothered me that I wasn't big boobed - though certain clothes look better on a curvier woman, other clothes don't.
Many women like tall guys, washboard abs or a big penis on a guy, but again it's NOT a "must have" for most.
If BIG BOOBS was what he REALLY wanted in a GF, don't you think he would have found a girl with big boobs?
YOU are who you are, and you LOOK the way you do. That is genetics. Yes you can sticks bags of saltwater under your skin and have the "illusion" of bigger boobs, but YOU will still be you.
YOU need to find a way to LIKE yourself, small boobs and all. NOT build your whole idea of love on a set of mammary glands that is made SOLE to feed your offspring.
Like CMMP mentioned the notion that big boobs is better is a VERY primitive stance, that with out doubt goes with the notion that big boobs can feed many healthy kids. Now if there was actually any TRUTH to that... small boobed women would be extinct already.
Last but not least, would you RATHER get attention from men because you are over all attractive, smart, nice or because you have a couple of big ole mammary glands on your chest?
FIND ways to DRESS the body you have in a way that makes YOU feel good about how you look. If you are looking to lose weight, then GO for it. The weight loss should BE for your health NOT so your BF will like you more. Get fit for you.
It is not your BF's job to "cure" you of YOUR insecurities. He already tried to downplay what he likes, because he is WITH you. And while he like big boobs, he also LIKE you for WHO you are, ALL of you.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (15 January 2015):
What relationship has ever stayed together based on breast size alone?? You were together for a year...why...was there a chance of your breast would getting bigger? So obviously it was not your breast size that has kept you together for a year.
I am sure you have certain preference in men that your boyfriend does have. But you love him anyway right? Guess what??? EVERY human has a preference that our partners does not have. No one is perfect.
Stop wasting your time stressing about what you don't have, and put to use the things you do have.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 January 2015):
 No one forced him to be with you. So if you are not his preference, then how do you explain him being with you? A man has more preferences than just one or two, and people are more than just their body parts... So he likes YOU. Not your boobs. Not your butt. You, the total package that is you... Thats his preference.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (15 January 2015):
I like moderately big boobs, I believe it's more mating instinct than anything (lots of milk).
Also, when women have clothes on you can still see big boobs. Unfortunately small boobs kind of hide.
But,I can tell you with complete honesty that even if a guy seems to be extra excited over bigger boobs he probably loves your boobs too. I've been with all shapes of women and (I hate to say this) unless she has no boobs I'm happy.
Finally, if your boyfriend we're to call you stupid would that mean you're officially stupid? No. So his personal preference doesn't make you attractive. It's completely independent.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2015): My dear, I'm gay and I like big boobs! Most guys like big boobs; but when you really care about somebody, you forgo all the fantasy crap and enjoy what's real. You can buy a pair of boobs or get a blow-up doll. If you want a real woman, you appreciate whatever nature and genetics gave her.
You can't be or have everything every guy likes. You should seek therapy if you go to pieces about discovering a guy likes boobs.
Seriously?!!!
Yes he told you he didn't to make you feel better, and you should be happy he was trying to be considerate. Never-mind the fact that you're his girlfriend; when he could have picked someone with big ole boobs. What's getting harder and harder to find these days are people who are grateful for what nature gave them and have a healthy self-esteem.
There are people who've lost limbs, or born without them altogether, and they're an inspiration to humanity. I know veterans who've lost limbs and they have loving wives and kids and they are glad to be alive, missy!!!
There are people blessed with full functioning bodies with all their fingers and toes, and they are most ungrateful.
I wish you good luck finding a heterosexual male who isn't fascinated with bodacious boobs. Guys also like cleavage, no matter what the size. There are padded push-up bras that give every girl that look. Keep acting flaky about it, and you'll send him after someone who has her act together, regardless of her bra-size!
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A
female
reader, Sincerely Yours +, writes (15 January 2015):
I used to feel this way. I understand completely. My only way out of my own insecure prison was personal growth, strengthening of my mind. I was also in a relationship in which sex was overly important. He would get angry if I didn't want sex and manipulate me into activity by saying his testicles hurt every night and he needed a "massage." So either you are putting to much value on sex, or he is, or you both are. This is especially possible granted your age range.
I spent some time being single and independent, and seeing value in myself, which was empowering, and I suddenly didn't seek approval from men any more.
I returned to my precious relationship after we had both grown. I don't question his past, exes, preferences or female friends. He gives me endles respect and I know he loves me.
Boobs aren't as important to men as we girls hate to think they are. My husband loves me and my breasts and my body aren't even a factor in our relationship and I doubt they are in yours either. Unlike your ex, your boyfriend has the respect for you to not degrade and criticize your body.
What he chooses to play with during sex shouldn't concern you. As long as he is playing with you and you are both enjoying yourselves.
That talk you saw is just guy talk. Don't worry about It. Guys talk like that especially when they are younger and single.
I see red flags in your relationship because he is having to disclose information and messages to you. You are dwelling too much on his past and every detail of everything he's ever said, thought, and done. This is toxic and will most likely get worse before it gets better. I know it sounds like a burdon, but counseling will help.
If you can't seem to help yourself or pull out of your insecurities, you may want to avoid serious relationships until you are more emotionally independent and confident. Sometimes you have to be single and step back to see YOU. Focus on yourself for a while.
Has he given you a reason to be jealous and paranoid? If not, Don't put so much pressure on your relationship. If it continues like this, he WILL get tired of it, he will stop being gentle and he will most likely get angry. Nobody wants to constantly have to prove and defend themselves.
If he has given you reasons (GOOD , reasonable reasons), then the two of you may be a dead end. You're young, it's definitely not too late for you.
~SY
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2015): Who cares what any man thinks about your breasts?There is nothing wrong with you!Embrace your own beauty. Be confident.I have small breasts and I am in top shape. I am beautiful and my body is sexy. EVEN WITH SMALL BREASTS. In fact they are amazing. My boyfriend loves them and says any more than a mouthful is a waste. Most importantly, I LOVE THEM.Do not let anyone else judge your worth.If he is the right guy for you, he will not make an issue out of any of your body parts. He will love you just as you are. So try not to make an issue out of it yourself. Look at all the good things about you and feel confident about those. None of us is perfect. Nor should we have to be. And none of us has perfect body parts.Tell me, is your boyfriend PERECT???Is he Hercules???I suspect not.I am just sick of men expecting women to be Goddesses when they are far from the total package themselves!Remember it is more about the connection you share and the fun you have together. All this overrides any perceived physical shortcoming you would have. In the big picture, breast size shouldn't really matter. Don't let your own self esteem ride on a guy. Or any other personYou shine! Now believe it!
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