A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I am a little worried for my friend because she seems to have a strange personality. She wears clothes which 'stand out' (goth clothes) and when I asked her why she said she didn't know. Her friends outside of school are all in their late teens or early twenties and she is only fourteen. She sometimes smokes and often drinks with these 'friends' and never stops talking about them. She also tries to get a lot of attention off male teachers and isn't friends with you unless you listen to her 'friends' and her life. My friend seems to go out of her way to get attention including not doing homework and getting detention, and I feel she has a very lonely life and even makes up people to talk about, all her outside school friends she met on the internet. What should I do because she is beginning to annoy my other friends and me? Thanks xxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2007): I think you should forget your friend because she isn't worth the friendship if shes crapin u around like dat.I am a goth but my friends allways forgive me in the end
A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (19 July 2006):
 Ok.
Whatever
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question'Alpha girl of my social group' Thats sounds over exaggerated considering that supposed social group doesn't exist anymore and that I'm just an average student and I was actually quite kind to her. I'm actually the opposite and no I don't place myself higher then her because of grades etc.
I always ecouraged her to do better and I didn't comment when my other peers in that particular social group asked for my opinion when they were bitching about her. They would say 'Oh, I got 80%, thats such a bad mark,' Which I found inconsiderate and mean towards her, I never did that. Its just when she began to completely ignore me for no apparent reason I began to think about why I had been so nice to her. After me being nice to her for two years and then all of a sudden she completely blanks me is being like whacked in the face. I'm not looking for some sort of payment for the friendship, It just doesn't exactly feel fantastic when someone acts as if you don't exist thats all. And this was all before the issue which I've raised.
My other 'friends' made snide marks to me about the way she dressed, I ignored them. When she wanted to go to Katmandu to get some gothis styled clothes I would happily oblige to go while my other friends shuddered in fear and said to many 'freaky' people hang around there and refused to go.
And anyway, I have my own life outside of school and I'm content with that and I have been for 8 years of my 14 year old life so I have no reason to do or infact to want to have an outside school life like hers. You seem to be implying that I would want an outside life like that and quite frankly I don't.
Anyway... Thanks for the other comments and pieces of advice...
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A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (19 July 2006):
Nothing to do with the fact your friend appears to be more socially confident than you? Or that she has wider interests than the petty bitching of a bunch of 14/15/16 year old girls?
I think that you have had issues with this girl and like to think you can lord it over her....BECAUSE you get better marks in your exams and like to feel you are the Alpha girl in your social group. but I think you developed an issue with the fact this girl had a life outside your social grouping and, because you weren't included in this life, you got the hump and decided it was a problem.
I don't think that you will recognise yourself in what I am saying at all. But adolescence is a time of change and a lot of people do not like to admit that some individuals will ahve a different agenda to themselves. You ahve to learn to deal with that.
I do feel you may have ahd a jealousy issue with this girl. And by saying this I have touched a nerve. BUT, then, this is only MY opinion hey!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't mean to be rude, but I'm not jealous of someone who gets less than 50% im all her exams, I've learned to really care a lot about my future and how what I do now will affect me later in life.
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A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (17 July 2006):
You sound like you are jealous of her......
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionumm.. Just to let you know anon who replied last that we weren't bullying her or anything so don't get the wrong impression, in fact she started to bully us! Its resolved now, so don't take it the wrong way, I haven't got anything against goths, emos, skaters etc.
And please don't even talk to me about being different. I'm sorry, but I've had a speech from her about that and being goth etc to be honest it doesn't make you that much different. You're personality is still the same deep down theres no difference. I'll tell you what different is. My life has gone through a REAL difference
I was a normal happy girl and in the space of a day, literally I became depressed and soon on the verge of suicide- now that is different. Changing from a normal person to a goth is nothing compared to that.
I'm sorry, I don't know you but I just had to explain. I've been through some tough times and I've learned not to take rubbish from other people.
As I mentioned before the problem has been solved- she left school (of her own free will) and I moved to a different class.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2006): leave her alone, she might be a goth to be different to every else, like me! i am a goth
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2005): Just to let people know, I believe that I am her friend and I think that because I am her friend she doesn't need to do these attention seeking things, but she still persists even though I have explained that being friends she already recieves attention from me. She ignored me the entire day today because I think that she doesn't consider me 'worthy' to talk to. I have tried to understand but it isn't working.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2005): People dress that way for a reason yet she doesnt even know why she is doing it so why do it, you need to talk to her tell her how she is coming across and how she is acting with all this attention seeking maybe she just feels alone and has something going on in her life that is causing this act of selfishness if she really is a friend then be there for her.
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (16 October 2005):
 She sounds like a sad case to me. She probably has very low self-esteem and doesn't feel like she "belongs" anywhere. Her funny mode of dress and her drinking and older friends are all signs that she's trying 'way too hard to fit in... somewhere.
If anything, you shouldn't be annoyed by her; you should be feeling sorry for her. She probably doesn't feel that anyone really likes her, so she's covering it all up with a big Act that says "I'm bohemian. I drink and smoke and hang with adults. I have tons of friends online", when in reality, she's probably trying desperately to do all those things to impress people. And she's failing. The older "friends" most likely think she's a bit of a try-hard and let her hang around as a bit of laugh.
Go easy on her. I bet this girl has a very fragile ego. Involve her in your group, ask her opinion on things that yo discuss, let her make conversation and when she tries to big-note herself about her drinking etc, just ignore it.
When she begins to feel comfortable with you and your friends, the whole Act will disappear. She's just using it for a smokescreen, because she doesn't think she's good enough for anyone to like who she really is.
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