A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay so im seventeen years old and im a senior in high school. I have never had a boyfriend, never been kissed, never been asked out, nothing! when i see all my other friends really happy in relationships i get really self conscious about why i havent had that yet. I constantly am wondering if it is because of my looks. I don't feel very pretty or anything so i always wonder if that's the reason.Currently I am semi-attracted to this guy in my chemistry class. He seems pretty cool but ive never talked to him (only added him on facebook) i wonder if this is the last chance i will have to get a boyfriend in high school? and if it doesn't work out-what's the dating scene like in college? will i have better chance? Is there anything i can do to make myself more available?Oh yeah one last thing-i feel like a desperate loser for even askin this (thus the whole anonymous thing) but i can't really ask my friends because i dont think they understand-thanks in advance for any help!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2009): Half the dating scene in college is just a hookup scene.
Tons of girls chase the hottest few guys. Those guys aren't dumb enough to commit to any of them when they can have all of them for nothing. So lots of the girls decide to "try out" a FWB thing for a while. Which is just a polished-up way of saying they're making themselves into free sex toys for these guys. Eventually the girls get tired of being hurt but only after they've been used for a few years. By the time these girls are through being used, they discover that the "nice guys" they weren't so interested in when they first got to college are no longer very nice anymore. Those guys got tired of being nice for nothing and now they're just as selfish as the original bunch of hot guys everyone was after.
This is not the whole story of dating in college these days. But it's going on a hell of a lot more often than it should be.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2009): I don't think you have anything to be embarrassed about. This sort of thing doesn't come easily to some people, and it doesn't make you a desperate loser.
No one here can tell you why it is you don't have a boyfriend without a lot of information from you or without performing an in depth analysis on you, your life in general and how you relate/act around males.
A general purpose bit of advice would be to try being more outgoing. If you like someone why not go up and talk to them? Or if you aren't confident enough to just march up to someone and strike up a conversation try just saying hi when you see them. Just make sure you're consistent. If you do it one day and not the next you'll confuse the guy. It doesn't have to be a big deal just keep it light and friendly. If he says hello back then you can progress up to how are you. And when you do talk to him ask about him and make eye contact. And smile.
Having never been to college I can't tell you what the dating scene is like, but there are bound to be tons of clubs and activities that you can get involved in. I think broadening your social circle would probably help. Get involved in activities and things where you are introduced to people. Smile a lot. Make eye contact a lot. Be friendly. And above all be confident.
And unless your friends are totally insensitive why wouldn't you be able to talk to them about this? They're probably already aware of it and should be keen to help you. Unless they're no friends at all.
Not much help I suppose but I wish you well.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2009): We'll it should be pretty good, unless your going to an all girls college, or to a strict church run school (in which case you'll still get laid, but probably date less!)...Seriously- College is alot of fun, you've got some independance, and are around people who are seeking a similar experience as you are... and some in your degree program, so you'll have something in common.College is about trying new things, and gaining confidence- you can re-invent yourself prior to college, change your hair, your style of dress, and your outlook. Don't go with specific expectations, but go knowing that it's an adventure and a WONDERFUL time in your life!Look into social activities as well as academic- intermural sports, like softball, or casual evening classes (bartending was the #1 one when I was in college... cheap drinks and you actually learn how to make them!)How to make yourself attractive - it's all about attitude, and taking care of yourself. We all have to play the cards we're dealt- we're either short or tall, skinny or stocky... but if you're confident, pleasent to be around and make an effort to take care of yourself, and look appealing - you'll certainy connect with multiple people who want to get to know you, and you'll have a great time...Conversly, gain a bunch of weight, dress poorly, and have a negative attitude, and it's not going to go so well...You're going to need to take some risks, be friendly towards people and learn to talk to them --- even when you ahve no idea what to say... and how to do that w/o feeling goofy - everyone feels awkard sometimes, it's part of life - you just need to learn not to let fear of the unknown rule your life! Like I said, college is a WONDERFUL time, and you're going to get out of it what you put into it. School is only 50% of the experience, the real value you'll gain is growing and maturing and gaining confidence! GOT FOR IT!
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