| A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I want ask people , who are already divorced, What was the biggest reason to do it?And if they had regret after all?I really want to divore, as my marriage can't be saved anymore, Tried all possible ways for several years I have nobody else,and I will lose financial stability, as I never worked... Yet. I can't take it any more.Now I'm in this total depressing state of staying or going, and I know, I will go,My biggest fear is regret.But I can't live in this dead end any longer.PLease tell me about your own experiences .Thanks
View related questions:
divorce Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, quarky  +, writes (19 July 2009):
 There were many reasons why I'm getting a divorce. The main one was that I simply couldn't see any sort of future for our marriage.
Ultimately, I knew that if it went on, we'd end up destroying each other and being in a place neither of us wanted to be. Sadly, I also didn't marry for the right reasons-it was stupid of me but I've learned my lesson from it.
Now that we have split up, we can both be who we are and are getting back to that point.
A marriage to me is two individuals loving each other and wanting to be with each other. The sum of the parts should be greater than the whole.
I know that my ex and I see better off without each other-that'a something I will never regret
A
male
reader, Red Green 0289  +, writes (19 July 2009):
I found myself at age 40 in a divorce situation, as my wife had been sliding down a slow and painful road of mental unstability / illness. She'd started to live in her own "reality", and had begun doing things that we're a real problem. Long story short, she left me after dreaming up a complex series of fantisys, conviend herself and a high priced divorce attorney they were true.
I went though with the divorce (she filed), even after she cleared up a bit and begged me to stop the process. As painful as it was, looking back it was the BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENDED.
I had alot of regret - regret "I hadn't done more to make it work" - not possible... Regrete I'd marraried her - which wasn't fair, she was a good person, just sick (and refusing help)... a sense of failure, a concern about what others would thing, fear that I'd never find someone, fear of dating, fear of lonliness.
Fast forward 9 year - married to a wonderful woman, who's everthing the first one wasn't. Smart, educationed, professional, fun, crative, hard working, great family, considerate, out going... it's a long list.
I feel totally different about myself - life is worth living, I'm not constatly in fear that I'm going to get home and the "mean" personality is there... we have fun, a life together...
My hard advice is get your affairs in order - get the records you need, taxes, bank statments, and go talk to an attorney. My divorce was not cheap, and I didn't want it, but once it started I was determined that it was what I needed to do. In the end I came out far better than she did, as her make belive world never came true and my dreams of my future were exceeded.
Best wishes - and sorry your going through unpleasnt times, but they do get better! Alot better if you dust yourself off and create some clear goals afterward!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2009): If you're living a miserable existence and leave, you won't regret it in the long run. You'll have to make a few adjustments, certainly, but you'll get used to being on your own for a while and it'll feel like you've just discovered a new source of really fresh air.
Do some planning beforehand though, like trying to get a job so that you don't have too many money worries and check out what state benefits you could be entitled to at your local jobcentreplus - if you're from the UK.
The reasons for my two divorces were many and varied, but as for regret, no - not a bit of it. Never been happier than I am now.
...............................
|
