I think he would lie about anything to keep the peace with me

A female age 36-40, *allingangel22 writes:

My BF and I have been together for 4 years now. On and off, it's been kinda bumpy but now it's pretty good. We would be perfect if two things: I don't sweat the small stuff and his issue with his children's mother. I'm working on my problem but I wish I could trust him more. I don't trust him a lot because he wasn't up front and honest with me about the whole situation between him and her. Yes, it was in the past between them but she seem she hasn't gotten over him. That's what scares me. He told me she moved on, she's crazy,he never loved her, it wasn't serious, blah. I believed him at first til the first incident. I found a Father's day card from "her" in his closet. It had a message from his kids (he has two girls) and a full written paragraph from her saying how much she loves him and how much she misses him holding her and how incomplete she feels without him. And she had a picture of another little girl in it. It said "to daddy". He said that child wasn't his. She didn't really look like him, but who knows. I asked him about it. He was mad I invaded his privacy, which I admit is wrong. But he's hiding that from me. He explained he can't control what she says and he didn't throw the card away because his girls gave it to him and that would be rude to throw it away since it's suppose to be a gift from them. (though they can't write) I believed him and let it go. Then about a few months later, we had a date. I was headed to his house and he told me he had to stop by the store and he'll call when he comes back. Two hours went by and I didn't hear from him. I called his phone. I was sent to voicemail everytime. The store was right down the street from him. I went by his house, and I rode around. Then I went to the neighborhood his kids stay at. His car was there. I didn't know what house they stayed in and he didn't park near the apartment. So I had to find it on my own. I found a girl outside and asked her did she know of this woman with three kids. She said yes and pointed me to the apartment. I knocked on the door. Lights were out. I knocked and nobody answered. I was furious and hurt. I ended up going to my mom's house and crying myself to sleep in bed with her. Around 5am I got a text from him saying he understood if I didn't want to be with him anymore. He didn't want to explain what happened. He didn't want me to come to him. I came to his house and asked what happened. He said his youngest was sick and she was throwing up, so he turned the phone off because it was rude to be on the phone while she's throwing up. I asked why did he stay that long and told me he went to the store. He said he went to the store and stopped there to give her medicine. He stayed because she fell asleep on his chest. I told him I came over there and asked why he didn't answer the door. He told me it's not his house and the kid's mother was upstairs on the phone with some guy. He mentioned that I turned the door knob. I didn't tell him I did that... After we got over that, he tried to make sure I wouldn't get the wrong idea anymore. If he would go visit his kids, he'll go get them and come straight home and call me. And drop them off and call me. He turned his cell phone off (it's been off for 2 years now) I thought everything was going good til one day, I called to talk to him and he was in a bad mood. He broke up with me and didn't tell me why. He said it was too much pressure. I went to his house and he told me to just move on and don't make the same mistakes he's made. I didn't know where all this came from. Two days later, I remembered that I knew his password to his email. I decided to check his email to see if I could get any kind of answer. I saw some emails he and "her" wrote back and forth. She told him that she was having their baby in a few months and she wanted him to come see what they were having. He told her that He doesn't wanna have a baby by her and isn't going to and leave him alone. She wrote him saying that if he doesn't marry her, she won't let him see his kids. He didn't write back. He called her a crazy bitch. Then he said something about if she would of gotten an abortion, he would of married her. She said she think she got something from him and maybe I gave it to him. He said you can't tell that fast, you stupid bitch and leave him alone. And she asked why was he shaved down there. (something he did for me because the hair irritated me) He didn't answer. I was hurt.When he explained about everything, he said "you won't believe this but I was talking to her brother and told him I shaved, that's how she knew. HE must have told her.When I said abortion, I was talking about my first child. I never wanted to have a child with her in the first place. I don't know why I was giving in to her by saying I would marry her. I would never marry her.He said he haven't slept with her since that second child so there's no way it's his. I said ok, but til this day I still don't think that story is logical. I was talking to his best friend about it. One day, he told him I was reading his emails. And he flipped out on me. He said he hated me and he didn't want to talk to me or his best friend again. a month or so later, he came back and wanted to take things slow. By then I was deciding to move on with my life. I didn't know what I wanted anymore. But I still loved him but I wanted him to suffer. So I treated him bad for a while. This was two years ago. About a month ago, the day before our 4 year anniversary, the sheriff comes to our apartment (he moved in with me) and served him papers. He told me they wanted more money for his first kid. He said nothing about the second child. Normally, he doesn't hide things from me. But with this paper, he doesn't let it stay in one place. He keeps it in his backpack he takes to work with him. I know he's hiding it from me. Maybe because he lied. About 2 months before the sheriff came, he had a letter in the mail about a child born 2 years ago. That same child him and "her" were talking about. It's a girl and she so happens to be born on his mother's birthday. It was asking information so he could take care of that new child. He told me it's not his and he'll get a blood test to prove it. He said he went to ask her for the baby to do the test and she won't let him. And we didn't talk about it anymore. I don't know what's going on but I feel like there could be a chance that that baby is his and if it is, he cheated on me with that bitch. He lied to me. I cry a lot and think about what if a lot. I just want the truth and I want to be happy. He says he's embarrassed about the whole situation between him and "her" and he usually doesn't like to talk to me about it because I get upset. But why hide something like this from me? He also said, if it was his baby, he wouldn't stay with me. I would believe that but one reason he's still with me besides the fact that he loved me is he has a job that I help him get and he doesn't have anywhere to go if he leaves. I'm so confused and hurt and I just want the truth or know what to do. My mom says wait and be patient. She thinks he's a great man and believes what he says. But I think he would lie to me about ANYTHING to keep the peace or not to lose me. Even about something serious as a child... Please, somebody...I'm really losing it.I need help.

View related questions: abortion, anniversary, best friend, broke up, cheated on me, money, move on, moved in, text, want to be happy

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A female reader, fallingangel22  +, writes (19 July 2009):

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