A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my girlfriend for over 4 years and we are currently living together. I know that I want to get married and have a family however I know that I do not want these things with her. She is my best friend and has been so since long before we got together. I love her in many ways but am no longer 'in love' with her. I am certain that I do not want to be with her in the long-term and deep down I have known this for a while. It's just hard to move away from something I'm so comfortable in.What is the best way to split up? Should I move my stuff out before I tell her, or is it harder doing it the other way round? She is a passionate woman and I am concerned I will come back to a wardrobe of shredded suits and pile of smashed CD's. I know she will be devastated, and perhaps there is no easy why to do this, however could do with all the advice I can get!Mr Rockandahardplace (29)
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female
reader, lexilou +, writes (29 September 2008):
 I agree if you pack ready make sure you are there to talk to her. Explain to her how you feel and dont let her sway you with tears etc if its what you really really want. The worst thing you can do is just disappear and leave a note x
A
female
reader, francesca +, writes (29 September 2008):
Hi. (please excuse and bad spelling I'm dislexic!!!)
There is no "best way" of splitting up anyway... I'm wondering if your a bit confused with were you are in your own life, to be honest. The only suggestion I have is a trial seperation, start dating like you used to and then reveiw your situation... Have you got to a stage were things are getting a little stale?, have you forgotten why you fell for her in the 1st place? and lost the va-va-voom in your relationship? Relationships are a bit like a car to me and they both need to me maintained to keep them going... Don't be quick in making a harsh descision, take your time. Also think about any consiquences and what life would be like with out her... I hope that helps...good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2008): Dear Poster
I have empathy with you; there is no easy way for what you are about to do; however I suggest you talk to her, be honest and explain everything to her; yeah, I know this will be difficult; she might "freak" out and make things difficult; but unfortunately, unless you are a coward and want to run when she is away, there is no easy way to do this; but in the long term, you have to live with yurself; you cannot just run away from 4 years of your life; it will haunt you; do it the right way; TALK and get CLOSURE; then MOVE ON;
From a practical point, it might be good to maybe have yor things packed or removed while she is out or at work, but do wait there for her to talk to her to explain to her; it might also be good to have a good friend or somebody around that can help should she really "freak". This will be a great shock to her and a very big emotional trauma, so I am urging you to be very careful and diplomatic.
I am not going to try and convince you to give the relationship another chance, as it seems you know what you want, BUT please, respect her feelings and break the news to her in person but very gently.
Keep us posted.
Best wishes and try to SMILE!
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20  +, writes (29 September 2008):
 Take out all your stuff first.
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