A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a hard time dealing with guys whom I'm not interested in. On the one side, I do not want to hurt them on the other side I do not want to lead them on. I have done the latter (not on purpose!) and I have seen that this ends up hurting a person even more. When I was younger I'd lie about having a boyfriend but once a guy got caught me he felt even worse. So what's the best way to let someone down? When do you let someone know you're not interested and how does one go about it? I know there's no easy way, but a bit advice on tact would be nice. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2011): I struggle with this too. My problem is, I always give guys the benefit of the doubt, so it takes me a while to realize they are interested and then I end up hurting them more.What I've learned is that IN GENERAL, guys won't ask you to hang out unless they are interested. So if he asks you out just the 2 of you, and you're not into him, that's probably a good time to let him know. In my experience, asking if you could bring friends seems to work. Try to make it into a group thing. Most guys will get that you're not interested if you keep trying to involve other people in your plans. If he tells you no, he wants to spend time with just you, that's when you should thank him for the invite but let him know you don't feel the same way. I've been guilty of offering friendship instead, but I'd suggest you NOT do this.. rarely works. He'll be hurt, but the earlier you let him know, the faster he'll move on. I realize there's absolutely no way of letting someone down and not feel bad about it, but you have to do what's best for you and he'll get that.Good luck!
A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (20 July 2011):
 Just tell them ' I'm sorry but I'm not interested. It would be best if we don't see each other'. Either way you say it, the person can't avoid being hurt. So that's just one way to do it. Hope I helped.
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