A
male
age
36-40,
*attty215
writes:hi everyone im a 27 year old male. all my friends are now either getting married or with long term partners. and ive been single all my life. i have a good job with very good money, play rugby to a very high standard and am a very nice and popular guy. i have always been bad with women which is probably due to the fact im not very good looking, but i cant do much about that.i was hoping this new year to get a girlfriend but trying to find the best way of doing it. ive tried internet dating and it can be hit and miss. my plan is to loose a couple of stone, get into very good shape, and maybe start to ask female friends how i can get a girlfriend. does anyone here have any good advice on how to get a girlfriend, thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2012): "my plan is to loose a couple of stone, get into very good shape, and maybe start to ask female friends how i can get a girlfriend. does anyone here have any good advice on how to get a girlfriend,"
My advice: lose some weight, get into shape, and start asking female friends for introductions to mutual female friends. (They'll know you're looking for a girlfriend so don't come out and say it; women appreciate subtlety and understatement, sign of a true gentleman, a nearly extinct species).
Meeting women through mutual friends has two historically proven advantages: your female friends know you so they will be looking for women with compatible personalities and interests, and their female friends will know your intentions are genuine and honorable from the start.
Back in the Stone Age, a returning World War II veteran and his pre-war girlfriend thought his Army buddy and her childhood friend might be a good match. They were right. The blind date they arranged was my parents' first meeting, and by the end of the evening they were a couple
for life.
Not saying that will happen to you, but going in you'll each know the other is looking for something more than anonymous, random, casual sex anyone can get by trolling the Internet, and that's a big head start. Just read any of the dozens of agony posts from those who hopped into bed with online strangers, whom they soon discovered (shockingly) had misrepresented and lied about themselves just to have sex.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 January 2012):
 Oh, and stand out. You need to make yourself visible in the crowd somehow. It doesn't work to just stand in a corner and look fabulous, not even for girls. You need to open up your mouth and get attention that way. And smile.
My best ways to get attention is to be loud and politically incorrect at times. But be careful about the impression you send out. If you aren't into politics says something interesting/unique about something else that you actually are honest and sincere about. Don't be fake-nice either, be genuine, because that sticks to peoples mind better. Look them directly in the eye when you talk to them and give FIRM hand shakes. First impressions take you a long way. A firm handshake can be enough to make you stand out in a crowd in a positive way.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (2 January 2012):
Good ideas. You said you don't look great and can't do anything about it, but working out and shaping up IS doing something about it. So is dressing smart and stylish and fixing your hair, brushing your teeth so they don't rot and avoiding smoking so you don't get yellow teeth and finger nails and bad breath in addition to cancer. Tons of things you can do in other words to look better and more appealing. That aside, I think asking female friends is a good thing. Not because they necessarily know what to tell you as far as flirting with women goes, but female friends talk to each other. And most female friends LOVE playing matchmaker. Don't agree to blind dates, but asking a friend about dating tips and advice will be like a message "Hey, Im single and looking for a girl, send one my way and let me practice flirting with her". Alternatively your female friends might know someone who already has a keen eye to you and will point you in the right direction. It might be as little as you not hunting at the right places.
Then again, having a good job and being very nice isn't going to cut it. It's good on paper qualities, and something to introduce to your parents, but that alone isn't going to rock a womans world.
Be interesting to talk to, be passionate, find someone similar minded as you, and take some risks. Flirt flirt flirt! Don't make more friends, don't be nice to everyone you meet from now on. Flirt with them instead! It'll take some time, but you will get the hang of it by summertime.
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A
female
reader, Shadow Rose  +, writes (1 January 2012):
 Go and do things that you enjoy, or join a group of people that like something you like, and that's how you meet girls that are into the same stuff as you. Then after you become friends, then if you're nice, and the type of guy she likes, and you like her, then ask her out. If she says yes, you've got yourself a girlfriend. If she says no, then just keep trying, but not with her, obviously!
I know it's overused, but you will find someone if you just be yourself.
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