A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Thinking about ending a long relationship, and moving away. We've been together for 4 years, which was started in high school. Everything was good, but I'm no longer convinced she's the one I want to be with. I've been bruting about this for almost a year now, trying to figure out my next step in life. I really don't want to regret leaving her, because she's the closest thing to love I've come to. However, I always follow my gut. My gut's telling me it's time to bail, as each red flag becomes revealed. Such as having no trust in me, lacking faith in me (even though I'll come through everytime), and she's not very trustable herself. It's all very depressing thinking about it.. I'm not in love with her anymore. I now have an opportunity to get out of this addictive and toxic relationship. I'd be moving states away, and getting a very well paying job. I feel this will help me get my life on track, because I'm stuck where I am. So, the question:What's the best way to end this relationship? She's blinded to what I tell her, and usually misses the point. I try my best to express how I feel about things, but she doesn't seem to pay attention. When the relationship is in jeopardy, she "realizes" it.. but nothing ever changes. She feels we're right for eachother, I've always told her I've had doubts.I already know this has gone on too long, but it's a little hard to let it all go. I'm planning on moving within the next few weeks, and she's not expecting it. How do I do this? :SThanks! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, jessiemarie  +, writes (2 September 2008):
Yeah I need help with the exact same thing....Thankfully my relationship has only been going on for 5 months...But I'm more than ready to end it for similar reasons as you wish to end yours...Why do they not understand that it takes 2 people not one to fix things? Or to have a relationship in general?!Damn annoying!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2008): Hmm.. I agree with you there.
I really need her to understand my POV, which I'm not sure will ever happen. Talked to her about a serious red flag, and she just mocked me.. I told her to remember what she just said, and left. I'm planning the breakup very soon.. Can't wait really..
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (11 August 2008):
I wouldn't even bring up being "just friends" or keeping contact. She ends up thinking that there could be hope in the future. Just let things roll and see what happens after the breakup. It's always easier to get over someone with no contact. Continuous contact after the fact always draws out the "getting over" stage.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2008): Thanks for the feedback. I am planning on being 100% honest.
I'm a little confused where the "let down gently" line is drawn. I would like to tell her that I'd like to be friends in the future (and stay in contact at least), but I don't want to send the wrong signals. I guess it'd be best to just leave for good.. let her know I'd never see her again?
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (10 August 2008):
I agree, honesty is key. I'm sure she will be hurt without a doubt--but you can't keep fooling yourself and her. Just tell her (in person) that you feel you two are on different pages and based on what you said, that you are not interested in a relationship where you are constantly feeling like you are not trustworthy or faithful. You have a great opportunity coming your way and it would be foolish of you to pass it up. She may see you as selfish or blah blah. But really, why stay with someone that you don't see in your future? As you said, you have already talked to her about problems and she just doesn't get it. It's not like you haven't tried. Plus you have so much going for you, you don't want to look back on your past with regret that you wished you had done something that you didn't.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2008): Be honest, upfront, and prompt. Don't drag it on if it's over in your head--that is unfair to her. Sit her down and tell her. There is no easy, clean way, and it is guaranteed to hurt. But, you can be honest and act with integrity, and that is worth a lot.
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