A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:What's the best way to deal with a girl who is playing mind games with you ?If you ignore her, she'll write you after a week or two but if you do reply, she would read the message and wouldn't reply for 3-4 days on purpose !How would you deal with it ?Keep ignoring? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2014): Yeah, as Tisha says has this girl actually indicated to you that she wants a relationship? Is she flirting or being incredibly tactile? You said in one of your previous follow-ups that you told her that you wanted more and that's when she started withdrawing herself from you.She might actually like you very much but not in a sexual or romantic way. By withdrawing from you she makes it clear (without having to say it) that she doesn't feel the same way you do and she's giving you space to understand at get over that and trying to keep aprropriate boundaries. However, may still want to sustain a friendship with you and she keeps coming back to see if you are "over" her and ready to be a buddy rather than a partner.Unfortunately this seems to be playing havoc with your mind as you keep wandering what her motives are.Not all friends are the type to see ach other every day or every week. I have good friends that sometimes I don't have the opportunity to get together or have a good chat with for weeks or months. But it doesn't mean that they're any less of a friend or that when we do get in touch that there must be a specific reason. So maybe this girl simply has a busy and chaotic lifestyle or that she's just particularly forgetful which is why she doesn't get in touch all that regularly - but it's quite obvious that she doesn't want a relationship.If she IS flirting and being coquettish and acting like she does want a relationship with you - then maybe she IS a player or a girl who just needs to have a guy around to make her feel good (but you don't really mention any of that behaviour anywhere in your post). Just let her know that you are no longer interested in pursuing that kind of relationship with her. Don't let her kiss or cuddle you and don't engage in flirtatious banter with her - keep appropriate boundaries.If she's just being friendly but you no longer want to be her friend, then I suggest you do what she did - withdraw yourself and make yourself less available. You don't have to respond to every text message she sends, you don't have to hang out every time she asks - just say "sorry, I've got a lot on at the moment", you don't have to explain.This might seem a little rude but there are people that we could do without in our lives if they're are making life awkward. And I wouldn't choose to spend all that much time with someone if I felt such anxiety and uncertainty about their motives either.I'd also suggest that you get some form of counselling for this as it's been playing on your mind for a very long time (longer ago than the date of this post as I seem to remember some other posts before that)
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (29 May 2014):
 I think she wants you back as a friend or to have someone to hang out with, not because she wants to date you.
So it's really up to you and what you want.
If you want a GF, I don't think SHE is it. And if you WANT her as a GF you are wasting your time with her.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (29 May 2014):
 Have you ever asked her specifically to be your girlfriend? Is that what you want?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI took your advice, deleted all sort of contacts and stopped writing to her...
Lately she's suddenly writing me a lot again and asked me to catch up. Being polite I did and now we are back where we were but not dating! I feel I have lost interest but she's asking me to sit with her, hang out and been writing me a lot as well!
What changed and should I just ignore her all together knowing I'll end up hurt again or there's room for a chance !
Your answer would be highly appreciated!
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A
female
reader, SeaGreen  +, writes (14 April 2014):
 Since this started after she found out how you feel about her then it's safe to assume that she is not interested.
I highly doubt her intentions are to play mind games with you. She might be too nice to reject you and is putting distance between you in hoping you get the hint.
Regardless I was just ignore and move on.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 April 2014):
I'd skip this girl and move on. If she all of a sudden (after she find out you like her) becomes slow in replying then I would assume it's because she isn't really interested.
So why waste more time on that one?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2014): If it was me now, then i would just be honest and say something like 'look ive told you how i feel about you, but its as though you are playing games with me, i need to know if any of my feelings are recipricated or if i am wasting my time'. if she is a decent gal then she will answer. its a pretty closed question so you should get to know either way. you just need to brave it and ask her. i wish my mister x wud have asked me/ i had had the guts to tell him.
if she says she is unsure or confused about her feelings for you then its time to reasses xx
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 April 2014):
I think she doesn't really like you as much as you like her. I would stop playing those 'mind games' as you put it. You get too hopeful when she does message you and then reality strikes when she shows that you are really really far from her top priority.
Just stop texting her. If she wants to spend time with you, she will have to put in some effort. Make her work for it. If she doesn't, well, at least you have been honest with her and gave it a good shot.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI actually told her in person ; the games started after she found out I like her ! So what do you think now?
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A
female
reader, staceyj +, writes (12 April 2014):
You haven't made it clear why you think she is playing mind games with you other rhan the fact she takes a little while to respond...? do you have feelings for her? she may genuinely be busy or if she feels something for you she might not know how you feel back.i was recently like the girl you thibk is playing mind games, and my mister x thought i was. however i have very strong feelings for him but was playing it cool to see if he was interested in me the same way back...i couldnt work out from his replies and he stopped replying to ne.now we r both with other people and i found out the other day that he too liked me. id say if you like her put yourslef out there and tell her, she might feel the same and just be a bit scared. if she doesnt at least u will know and can then act accordingly i.e. ignore her, block her, and move on. either way it is best to know. lifes too short. xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2014): Yes, continue to ignore the messages. Delete them as they come.
Go one step further; and ask her in-person what she's up to, and why the games?
Let her know you would prefer to just move on. She's obviously not on the same page. You're looking for someone mature enough to know her feelings, and how to express them.
Be polite and wish her well.
Then block her number, delete it from your phone, and move on. Then convince yourself you're tired of playing the games; and don't participate by encouraging her.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 April 2014):
Maybe she just thinks it's normal for both of you to answer messages after 3 or 7 or more days?
If you fancy this girl, it's time to forget about dating her, she's clearly not interested.
If you are casual acquaintances with this girl, well, you can decide if you want that sort of vague sporadic contact you seem to have now. But as you use the phrase "playing mind games," I would make the guess that you want more than that vague sporadic contact.
If I were you I would say something like, "Hey, Greta, I've decided to stop contacting you. As you know, I would like to date you but as you aren't interested, I've decided to move on. I wish you well and will be happy to chat should we run into each other but the electronic messages are just not interesting to me now. Best wishes to you! :)"
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A
female
reader, SeaGreen +, writes (9 April 2014):
Does she have a very active lifestyle? Sometimes it takes me a couple of days to reply to a message on FB because I don't have the time. I usually take a quick glance at a FB message and if it's not urgent reply to it when I have the time.
If you wanted to spend time with her chatting on FB is not going to cut it. If you are interested in her then ask her out on a date.
If she rejects then you know where you stand.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2014): Why do you think she's playing mind games with you? Does she say you want to date you and then stand you up? Are her texts sexy and provoctative but she doesn't act that way in person? Does she say she's going to do one thing and then do something completely different?Or does she simply not reply to messages quickly? If it's just a general chit-chat message then she probably's just a friend and she doesn't know how you feel about her and doesn't realise how much angst not responding to your messages is causing. I'm lousy at replying to text messages. I mean to reply later when I've got more time and then I forget - especially if it was just a "hi, how are you" message. If people really do need a prompt reply from me, they need to say so in the message or phone me. Maybe this girl is like me - easily distractable, busy and forgetful. And not aware that you fancy her.I believe you posted quite a lot about this in the last couple of months.So I think you should continue to ignore her and block her number. Then you can't receive messages from her and constantly wander whether she's playing mind games with you or not.From your previous posts I can't see anything that tells me that she's playing mind games. You just think she is.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 April 2014):
It depends on what you hope to accomplish by writing. If you are OK with a platonic and sporadic contact, I'd keep writing, but not really have any expectations for anything. Which means I would keep it strictly platonic.
IF you are hoping for something to develop, I think I would let her know good luck and block/delete her and move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2014): Just keep ignoring her or block her number. I mean, if you think she is playing games, then that is the logical thing to do. Can't be that hard. A firmer approach is to tell her to stop playing games, but that could be too confrontational and lead to unnecessary drama.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2014): How do you know it's on purpose? Do you live with her and see her every move? Maybe she's just thinking of casual friendship/relationship with you, so doesn't make it her top priority to reply to you.
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