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male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: My girlfriend is very upset because I enjoy watching porn. We've been together for little over 2 years, and she lost her virginity to me. I love her, she is such a great girl, she is different from other girls I've ever met or been with. I've told her this, but she's very insecure. She said it's because she was always teased in school, about everything. She's especially concerned about her body and face. When I met her she was a bit overweight, but then she lost some pounds and now looks good, even though she insists she's fat, but she's in the normal range. Anyway, she's always been insecure about this and has even gone to counselling, but it didn't help at all.This is really frustrating, because I enjoy looking at porn, and I've enjoyed it since I was 13. I'm 24 now and she's 20. She says she feels insecure and we have discussed this a lot. She feels bad because I like looking at large breasted, slim women. Hey, they're attractive and hot, and I'm a guy. But she feels fat, and she has small breasts. She asked if I thought they had better bodies, and I said yes. I can't lie, they are better looking than most average girls. My girlfriend is beautiful and she's AWESOME in bed. I've told her this, and that I love her despite her not looking like a porn star, that my looking at porn doesn't make me love her less, the whole deal. but it doesn't seem to work. She just feels insecure and gets angry and silent whenever she knows I've been looking at porn or when a sexy nude girl is on TV. I've told her that I'm a guy and it's natural instinct, but she just feels worse. I don't know what to do, I don't want to break up with her, but I can't help who I'm attracted to. She knows I think she's pretty, I've told her many times, but honestly, she just has to accept that women in porn or on TV are going to look better because that's her job. It just doesn't seem right to her, she says she feels she should have the "privilege" of being the msot beautiful in my eyes, but that she can't feel that if I think women in porn or on TV are sexier and more ideal. Why is being beautiful so important to women? I don't understand. What's so wrong with my enjoying the female form? Some women are better looking than others, big deal.What can I do? I'm seriously frustrated, but I'm not going to give up on porn. She's told me not to, she says she can't control me, that she has no right. Yet she can't accept it and gets moody at the mere mentioning of it. I'm a guy I love this stuff, why can't she accept it? Most any other guy she meets will be the same, why can't she be cool about it... I love her, why can't she understand that's enough?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2009): I think you need to mature a hell of a lot.You say you love this girl yet you go ahead and say there are better looking girls out there than her?I myself have self confidence issues, big ones, yet my boyfriend has NEVER told me there are prettier girls out there than me.Hes always said Im beautiful.If hes lying then yes id be hurt but its better to be told that than im ugly.You need to realise you are really hurting her by saying these horrible things about her to her face.You need to make a decision.Whats more important...porn or the love you have with your girlfriend? think about it...
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male
reader, citic101  +, writes (30 June 2009):
 First rule when a women asks you "oh do these girls look better than me "? you say " No way you are the most beautiful girl for me and your body is great" you lie !
shes thinks " when he f..ks me he is thinking of F...ING the girls on his movie or pictures. she insecure as most people are with their bodies
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2009): Hi there,I'd like to add a comment to the following reply on the 26th June 2009."What a fool you are...you dont deseserve her....she shares a precious part of herself with you, her body, and you just cheapen and disrespect it by getting off on cheap s...ts. You should stay single until you mature a bit...then to make it worse you tell her their hotter..."It is so refreshing to read a response such as this from a male reader. This is about respect. Watching porn and telling your partner that the women in the porn are more attractive than your partner is absolute disrespect. You mention that your partner went to counselling and it made no difference. I wonder if it's because the wrong person went to counselling. Your partner has told you how she feels and you do nothing but defend your inappropriate behaviour. If you cared and respected her you would be concerned about how she is feeling and stop doing what makes her feel secure. If it's no big deal as you say, then stop doing it as it is destroying your relationship and hurting someone you care about. I wonder if you were honest with yourself how you would feel if the roles were reversed. She is insecure because you are making her feel insecure by the way you lack respect for her. The only concern I have about any insecurities she has, would be the fact that she stays in the relationship with you. I just don't understand. This is about respect and I agree, you don't deserve her and need to mature.
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male
reader, Stephen Stewart Nixon  +, writes (27 June 2009):
 You need to decide what is more important to you. Your porn needs or you girlfriends self esteem. It seems to me that you have no idea of how sad you are making her feel. She is right she cannot make you stop but if you love her you will. If it is that important to you then find a girlfriend who is also into it and let your long suffering girlfriend find someone who respects her feelings. Love is what you do for others not how they make you feel.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2009): This is a tough one. If she asks and you tell her that she is better looking than those porn stars then she will know you are lying. If you tell her the truth then it will hurt her. I think the answer is what some others have mentioned. That is to watch it when you are alone and she is not around. You are lucky that she doesn't insist that you stop watching it.
She has self-esteem issues right now and she needs to have her confidence built up. Being compared to beautiful women will not help her do that. Hopefully she will gain her confidence and then at that point it won't bother her at all. However, that might take years. My wife and I watch porn and look at attractive members of the opposite sex. It doesn't bother either one of us, but when we were younger we didn't have the confidence that we do now and it was not as easy to be fine with that. However, we were always fine with watching porn, but that was just us.
Look at it this way. I don't know how well endowed you are, but imagine her always looking at pictures of men with 9 inch dicks. If you are average then you are 3 or 4 inches shorter than that. How would you feel if she had hundreds of pics or videos of nothing but men like that? That is how she feels.
I also like to look at women with big breasts. It turns me on. It doesn't bother my wife because she knows that I like to be with women who are smaller. It's sort of like women who like movies of men with huge dicks. It might turn them on or they might like to get a hold of one of those, but few women would like one of those in them. Once we gain confidence and understand that what our partners like to look at and what they actually like for intimate settings are often much different. She will realize that in time, but you have to handle her lack of confidence gently until she does realize that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2009): What a fool you are...you dont deseserve her....she shares a precious part of herself with you, her body, and you just cheapen and disrespect it by getting off on cheap s...ts. You should stay single until you mature a bit...then to make it worse you tell her their hotter...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2009): I know Rifraf, but she asked, what was I supposed to answer??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2009): Woman get the message about beauty from the media...that's not to hard to figure out, they are measured by their beauty.
Men get the message that they have to have lots of money...the more money, the more beautiful women they get.
So let me see if I can explain this in terms you can understand. You watching porn, is like her having other men by her jewelry. You would ask yourself, why can't she be happy with the jewelry I can afford to buy her? Why does she need all these other men's trinkets?
To her they would just be that, trinkets. To you, it would be your worth to her. It would undermine your deepest insecurities about money and worth.
That is how women feel about pornography. I understand, but many people do not. It is something we just have to live with, but we are the first generation who have had to, so we have no tools or explanations to make it easier.
If you can't give it up, at least don't wear the jewelry in front of her, hide it out of respect for her feelings.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2009): I watch it when I'm alone. Usually when we've gone days without having sex. Especially when she's on her period. It's too messy to have sex with her. Plus she says she feels disgusting during her period. Apparently her cramps are too strong and she says she gets bloated, who knows.
We've watched it together, but she just didn't like it. She said she didn't find the appeal. She even said the guy in the video was gross! I don't know, she just never makes any comments about other guys, she says she never gets the urge to look at other men.
She just insists that she should be the prettiest in my eyes. I love her, what else does she want?!
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 June 2009):
 I can understand the "instant gratification" aspect of porn, and for the most part I'm not "against" porn. I'm not into it myself, I don't watch it alone. I have watched it with my husband a few times, but his reactions is what turned me on, not the images themselves.
Do I Care that he watched porn every now and then? ( I am willing to bet daily) No. But, it's not done in front of me blatantly. We have a decent sex life - 5-6 times a week after 11 years of marriage so I can't complain. I reap plenty of benefits from him watching porn. HOWEVER, with that being said, a LOT of women feels that if you are horny, go to your partner, seduce them - get & give some splendid sex instead of watching people fake sex and jacking off. I know that there are times I see my husband as being utterly LAZY when it comes to sex. There is WAY more to sex then a hard on and ejaculation, ok?
I'm willing to be no matter WHAT you say, she thinks you watch it because she isn't good enough in bed, pretty enough, slutty enough.. you name it. No amount of words will make her understand that. Sorry.
You don't want to give it up, then you need to tell her that. Tell her porn is more important then her self confidence. You already said she isn;t a very confidant girl, that is however somethign she needs to work on. OR you ask her to watch it with you every now and then. Pick some porn with some nice studs in it, maybe see will see what is that attracts you.
Question, When do you usually watch it? If you do so when she is at your place then maybe you could cut it out and leave it for when you are alone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2009): i agree with satindesire. every girl wants to be told their pretty, even if they don't think they are. and if she already had sef esteem issues you telling her their better looking that her definately wont help.
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