A
female
age
30-35,
*sSociallyAukward
writes:so quick summary : i'm 19 and go gym very often this guy lets call him 'S' is 30, yeah its abit of an age difference. ('S'works at the gym) we make alot of eyecontact and smile and flirt etc ...hes never too foward with the flirting, we have chemistry. there is obvious feelings between us.NOW FOR WHY I AM HERE.lately because my feelings for him have been growing i have been shy around him and try not to be obvious..i find it hard because of our age difference... on Saturday he approached me in the gym and asked why i was quiet etc and said i wont let u go and carry on until u tell me (in a jokey way...but he wanted to know) i kind of giggled it off. as he kept asking, then he said 'i let you off now, but you have to be nice to me' (again in a jokey way) and i laughed and said i'm always nice to you, then he said you never smile at me or talk. (our body language was very open and flirty) then he let me carry on in the gym.AND THEN...Today i went gym.. and he completely avoided eye contact, and kept a straight face.. it was too obvious... no bye or anything. whats going on? why did he avoid me?
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flirt, older man, shy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, MsSociallyAukward +, writes (20 November 2012):
MsSociallyAukward is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your time everyone! He spoke to me today, i think their is truth in what all of you have said.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (20 November 2012):
 Well 19 to 30 is just 11 years…. Sounds worse than it is… except 19 is still very young and 30 should be settled… of course since the woman is 19 and the man is 30 it might work…
Because your feelings are growing, you give more credence to his behavior even if it has not changed…
You say you find it hard because of the age difference…so if he was say 21 you would behave differently? Why the need to treat him differently due to his age. I can promise you he’s not as different at 30 as he was at 25…. I mean I’m 52 and my brain still says I’m in my 20s… My dad… 78… guess what… he still thinks he’s in his 30s…. yeah it changes with time but not as quickly as our bodies…. So stop putting him on the “age pedestal” He’s a man… just because he’s 30 does not make him magic or special.
STOP over analyzing body language and the nuances of what he said, she said…
He’s waiting for you now, he made it clear he was concerned that your behavior has changed… the ball is in your court…
IF you wish to pursue a relationship with him, table SEXUAL ACTIVITY until MONTHS into the relationship unless you wish to be a notch on his belt. I’m not sure he sees it that way but just to be sure….
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2012): He is a player. He wants you for sex because you are young.
You would be another notch on his belt.
He could get into big trouble at his work at the gym for coming on to women so he is being as discreet at possible about it.
He is baiting you to see if you will bite. It's a game I am sure he has played out many times.
Maybe this guy is married.
Always prepare. Run a background check on the guy if you can afford it. Find out the history on this man. Look his name up in the white pages online to see if he is really married. I'm a firm believer in doing a fact check on any man to find out if you are dealing with a psycho.
The best thing you can do is avoid this man as much as possible in the gym or find a new gym.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (20 November 2012):
 I think he is a player.
He first got you thinking he was interested (the flirting) then he gave you the cold shoulder. That second move was his game where he hoped that you would come on to him, thinking he liked you.
In fact it is a game that then allows him to say, "she came on to me" if his manangement complain about any too close interaction between the two of you.
It's a 'set up'
Don't fall for it.
Look for CONSISTENCY in a guy and NO GAME PLAYING. Look at a guy's ACTIONS and not his words.
Hot one day
Cold the next day.
It was meant to unsettle you so that you would try harder next time to interest him and to flirt with him.
Once he is certain that he has you compliant enough, then he will go for the main game which is to get together with you.
Then he will drop you after he has "connected" with you a few times.
Then you may become too embarassed to go to the gym.
Give him a miss. He is supposed to be there to encourage you to get fit.
The gym is not his hunting ground for his next dalliance. I doubt this is the first time he has tried these tactics, sadly.
And don’t forget to read some of the great advice from AnonymousMale1 (below)
www.dearcupid.org/question/10-situations-that-scream-hes-a-player.html
www.dearcupid.org/question/why-it-is-important-for-him-to-earn-your-love.html
www.dearcupid.org/question/10-things-guys-really-want-in-a-woman.html
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2012): This ones easy, he started making the moves on you so he could bone you, then when he went home that night he realized it probably wouldn't be a good idea to bone a 19 year old at the gym he goes to.
Because he definitely can't have a relationship with a 19 year old, especially when she goes to the same gym. How would he bring her out with his friends, is he going to go to parties with her or socialize with here? How could he possibly meet her family and look her father in the eye?
So yeah it could only be about sex and it would still not go so well for him if people started seeing him like a total sleaze to a 19 year old in the gym.
He probably realized there are too many complications about getting you into bed.
Or could be as simple as he realized that his flirting may be taken the wrong way by you.
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