A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My wife and I have been together for 3 years. The other night we were in the middle of sex and she said another man's name. More importantly it was her ex's name. She tried to play it off like it didn't happen. Has anyone been in this situation before? What would you do if your significant other said their ex's name during sex?
View related questions:
her ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2012): This not a simple case of grandma calling someone by the wrong name. This is a case of two people being very intimate and during that moument of passion your true feelings come out. I once called a boyfriend by my ex's name, that to over the telephone, I can assure that I was not over the ex and unconsciously wishing we were together.
A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (21 November 2012):
 It wasn't an accident. She's not over her ex...
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell accidents do happen, I guess I will just find out why this one happened and try not to read too much into it. Thanks.
...............................
A
female
reader, Staceily +, writes (20 November 2012):
 It's not ideal to hear, but you certainly don't end a marriage over it! This is a marriage, not a girlfriend of a few months. It's possible it was completely on accident as chigirl said, just make sure you talk to your wife about it and don't ignore that it happened.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 November 2012):
 If anyone think it "means" something then they're reading too much into it. My grandmother also used to call me by the wrong name. Does it mean she didn't know who I was? Of course not. Does it mean she liked the person who's name she called, better than she liked me? Of course it didn't. It's just a mishap, a random thing that happens and has absolutely NO meaning. It is in fact the absolute meaningless of it that makes it happen. A person is aloof, or thinking about something else, and not focusing on what specific word/name they say because their mind is on something else.
What it "means" isn't that she's thinking about her ex, but that she's not thinking at all. She's busy focusing on something else, and my guess would be the amazing sex she's having. If she was bored in bed with you I am sure she'd pay more attention to saying the right name, but that wouldn't exactly be a good thing either. It's not like she does this a lot though, you're not a rebound, and she doesn't always scream out his name. It happened once, it's no big deal.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 November 2012):
 isn't this why you only moan "oh baby" and "OH MY GOD" during sex... never say a name...
I think i'd be hurt... not sure if I would end the relationship...
i mean yes it's during sex so that makes it more intimate but to be honest, my grandmother used to call me by everyone else's name but mine till she got to the end...(and the dogs were included in the list of names... daughter daughter, daughter, grandchild..dog dog, grandchild, dog, grandchild grandchild.. and finally the last name always called... the person or dog she wanted)
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (20 November 2012):
 I've done that, it meant nothing, my partner laughed and to be honest, it did't kill the mood.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2012): I am sorry to tell you this but She is still in love with her ex and is picturing him in bed in order to have an orgasm. It does not mean she is seeing him, it just means she is not and never will be over her ex.You need to decide if you can live with it.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2012): I ended it. It happens when they are not over their ex. They probably never will be.
...............................
A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (19 November 2012):
I'd end the relationship... He's not over his ex...
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2012): This happened to me the first time we had sex. He said Oh, Mary! I said Mary who? He didn't say anything. That killed the mood.It was his ex-girlfriend's name that he wanted to marry. She broke up with him and it had been only two months.Plus, he called me her name all the time after that.Rebound relationship at best. I didn't want to be sloppy seconds, that is for sure.
...............................
A
male
reader, human_male  +, writes (19 November 2012):
 It would be over.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2012): Well, this has kind of happened to me when I first got w my bf, now husband. He would call me his exs name few times, not during sex though and only for the first 3 months or so. But 3 yrs into our relationship, if he was talking to/ in contact w her, that would not sit right with me. So its kind of a 50/50 chance there's nothing or something going on.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2012): Its never happened to me neither, so I can't even share a possible explanation, but, its a question often posted on here, so its quite a common thing to happen. As for why, only the people in question can answer that.
Here's a suggestion though, I would duck tape her mouth during sex in future...
No just kidding that would be dangerous.
Just ask her what made her say his name during the making of love with you, her husband.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (19 November 2012):
It's been 3 years... Did she recently meet him? That was random. I think I'd be upset for a bit, but then try to talk some sense into myself. After all, people say the wrong name/word all the time. In any other context you wouldn't have been bothered at all. And, when you think about it, isn't it a good sign that she's so lost in the pleasure you give her that she loses control over her mouth? People can say the oddest things during sex when they're really lost in the moment. If she screamed out "Cheese cake, yeeessss!", then would you be angry over that? I think her saying her exes name is sort of similar to her saying any other random thing.
But sure, I get why it's hurtful. Just try to be logical about it.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2012): Nope, I've never had this happen. Luckily for me, my husband hates his exes (for good reasons), and doesn't care to ever see them again. I assume that means he doesn't fantasize about them. Anyway, if it did happen, I would probably just ask him about it. That's all you can really do. You say she tried to pretend it didn't happen. It's because she's probably worried you'd be upset if she was indeed thinking about her ex. You DO have to get to the bottom of it, because it's not healthy to be in a relationship where one person is still carrying a torch for their ex. That includes physical attraction. They're your ex for a reason, and they shouldn't be on your mind in any way.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2012): I'd call out my mother's name the next time we have sex, really freak her out.
Talk to her OP ask her where this came from.
If she's still close to this guy then that could be a bad sign.
...............................
A
female
reader, Staceily +, writes (19 November 2012):
It hasn't ever happened to me before. If it did and he tried to play it off like it didn't happen I would let him know afterwards that I heard him say ____'s name. Then I'd ask if he knew why it came out. You should communicate with her about it. Pretending it never happened will cause it to be the big elephant in the room, you both know she said it but are acting like she never did. Chances are it was harmless and slipped out accidentally. I've never said an ex's name during sex but I've certainly had it slip by accident in other situations. Just talk to her and maybe she can shed some light on it.
...............................
|
