A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid, what is wrong with me? I am 30 yrs old female, physically handicapped and I use one axillary crutch to move and I am petit. I have nice features or at least I think!I mean, I am not unsightly:)This is the problem: I have never had a boyfriend. I have missed two guys I would honestly have loved to make a home with but especially one. The especially one guy is my friend todate but he will never suggest anything coz i am almost certain doesn't care for me like that. He is everything I have looked for in a man but I value our friendship so I keep him around. All the guys I meet want sex from the word go and sometimes the signals just show no relationship but sex only. I just made the toughest decision not to have sex with a guy I met but who has no love and I will probably never see again. Infact I cry almost all nights why I like people who don't see me. I have been tempted several times to have sex for two reasons; that they would take to a relationship and because my body screams.now..now but my head says no..no that's why am still a virgin. There are issues arising from having no relationship and no sex to this age. I am lonely coz most of my friends are married, it's beginning to affect my esteem and more importantly it's affecting my concentration at work( like I am here typing to cupid), sometimes I watch porn and it makes me feel guilty, i hate it. I want to get married and live a family life. My friends all got into relationships thru sex first. I am told guys want to know you before they start realting. So what's my problem; my appearance or my attitude towards sex. Please help.
View related questions:
at work, never had a boyfriend, porn, still a virgin Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, macdubh712 +, writes (28 July 2011):
To me, it sounds like you have the right attitude even though it is not necessarily the easiest road to take. Personally, I do not feel anything is wrong with people fornicating when they first meet as long as both people know exactly what that means. In other words, a lot of times it is not right because how often does one of the people end up being lied to or strung along so the other can get them in the bed? A lot, right?
I admire you for you being strong enough to not give in to the games because if you do, if you decide to start having sex with guys that you KNOW deep down may not call you again after the first time, or after a few times, or will string you along by telling you just what you want to hear, then you will become even MORE depressed feeling than you already are.
This is just me, but I feel that when one is actively seeking out love it remains elusive but when they least expect it, it happens. You ever lost your car/house keys and searched EVERYWHERE with no luck only to find them as soon as you tell yourself "screw it?" Well, that's how love has been with me. It is almost as if has found me, not the other way around.
I know it is tough, longing for someone hold, kiss, and share things with. But, I pray you, continue to be the strong person you are because there are good men with good values and morals, and one of them is going to see that in you. One of these good men will see the attractiveness that I am quite sure you radiate and will snatch you up. Remember, it's not that you're not good enough you are quite obviously a great catch. It is the OTHERS that aren't good enough for you. Don't ever forget it, even when you're feeling down. It will be worth in the end.
Stay strong girl.
A
female
reader, iforgot  +, writes (28 July 2011):
I think your attitude on sex stems from not having found truly the right person to have it with. Everyone is different, some can do it easily with anyone, but some of us like to wait for someone special. As the other person have suggested, go out and do things, even if it is doing things on your own. Sometimes when we do things on our own, you realize how strong and capable you really are inside. Hugs.
...............................
A
female
reader, banditsmom1124 +, writes (28 July 2011):
 hmm this sounds familiar...i was kinda in the same boat. im disabled too but i used to b heavy and depressed. i used to use guys for attention! i enjoyed the attention while i was getting it...had sex w/random guys just to keep them around but as soon as they left i felt miserable!!!
a few years ago i changed alot about me...i lost weight, changed the way i viewed things and also stopped letting guys use me. i started getting out and doing volunteer work or even just spending more time walking around stores...just doing stuff so i wasnt home alone feeling sorry for myself cause i was alone. another thing i did was i stopped letting guys make sexual remarks to me in chat rooms! if they get made its probably cause thats all theyre looking for...w/a positive high self esteem iv actually met a few decent guys lately and im upfront w/the fact that im not gonna be a hookup...the good guys actually respect me for that.
oh and when guys tell you they need to have sex first to know what they're getting into tell em to take a hike!
i wish i had had your will power and self esteem to stand up to guys and not be used for sex! i know its hard to be alone all the time but sometimes its better than the alternative.
...............................
|
