A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, I am BEGGING you guys for help here. I've been with my gf for 4 years. We got together when she was 14 and I was 17. I was her first, but she wasn't mine. We had good and bad times like every teenage couple etc etc She came to my college this year and joined up in a club. She met a few guys there and became friends. Went away on club weekends with them. I don't mind all this cuz I trust her. However, The last class outing was 3 weeks ago and since it she has become very very distant with me. She never made contact with me over the weekend. Since the last three weeks I noticed a very close friendship with her and one of the guys in the club. She lied to me twice since about where she was going and with who, and also stays in College late. She is ignoring my messages and making mininum contact with me. Two days ago she told me that we "needed a break" from each other so I told her that I wouldn't talk to her til about Sunday which she seemed happy with. She is going to one of the guys Partys on Friday and I'm really paranoid. Like this time last month we were one of the happiest couples you could find. We booked a holiday for the summer and had great plans for the future. And now it seems to of all fallen apart. Even last week I brought her shopping for xmas and bought her hello of a lot of stuff. I paid for the holiday myself because she is expecting payment after xmas and stuff. Do you think that she cheated on me?Do you think that she is planning on cheating on me?Do you think she is going to break up with me?Or even,WTF do you think is going on?I have tried asking her and she says that nothing is wrong, And that nothing is up. And I realize that this is just from my view but she won't tell me anything so I can't give an unbiased description of things.More questions? How can I fix this? How can I make her happy with me again?And Do you have any idea wtf is going thru her mind?
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male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (8 December 2011):
We can't tell you what happened. But the obvious thing here is she started thinking about other guys.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 December 2011):
 I like what C. Grant said... and it makes perfect sense to me.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (8 December 2011):
 Only she can tell you what's going on. But I'll take a guess.She got into a serious, long-term relationship when she was 14 while in the limited environment of school. Now she's 18 or thereabouts, and has moved into the wider environment of higher education. And it's dawning on her that she's missed out. She's only ever really dated you, and she's not sure if that's all the life experience she wants to have. It may be that she eventually decides you're the one. But she's got some wild oats to sow before that happens.So, what do you do about it? Well, you can scream, shout and cry, and ensure a nasty (and likely permanent) break-up. Or you can be understanding that she's missed out on part of growing up and is playing catch up, and either turn a blind eye or have an amicable break up, where she might come back to you.No doubt you think I'm crazy for saying so, but I'll tell you a story. When I was in HS I got involved with a girl who'd been dating a much older guy (I don't recall just how much older -- at 17 your perceptions are different). She was seeing me on the side while still officially going out with him. Then we got to university, and she started seeing quite a few other guys. At the end of her first year she dropped out and married the older guy. The last time I saw her, maybe half a dozen years ago, their kids had left home and they were happily planning their lives as empty nesters.It occurred to me eventually that she was doing the wild oats thing. And that the boyfriend was either completely oblivious (which I doubt, he strikes me as pretty bright), or recognized what goes with a LT relationship with a girl that starts so young.Some food for thought.
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (8 December 2011):
 it sounds like she has or is seeing another guy. the reason she is avoiding you may be due to her feeling guilt. while you have the chance you need to take her out , maybe to eat or some place that you two can be alone or at least away from the college crowed . you need to let her know how you feel about her first upfront , and then ask what went on while she was away. mention to her that she seems different if not indifferent to you since she went away. you may need to ask her point blank is their another guy, did you meet another man. if you do this and she becomes self defensive or she has a look of guilt. you will have to read into her reactions . you know her best you will need to let her know you love her and don't want to loose her. the rest will be up to her. you may have to prepare for the worst, and hope for the best. i hope it works out for you, all you can do is let her know you love her! i hope this helps.
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