A
female
age
30-35,
*roofroo22
writes:There is this man who works in the same building as I do. He is not a coworker but works in facilities.Not knowing be was married, we would sometimes flirt with each other. However, after 4 months, he recently slipped into conversation that he has a wife.Today he came to service something for me at work and the whole time he was trying to ask me things that would indicate if I like him or not—like if I am currently interested in anyone, if I’m into older guys, if I like anyone at the moment. I think he's been trying to verify if I like him and he indirectly asked me if I think about him and what do I think about when he’s on my mind.I kept playfully hitting him with “yea but you’re married, so I guess it doesn’t matter,” or “you’re locked up, honey” yet he replies with “you never know, everyday could bring something new...” as if he’s trying to convince me to have hope.I think he’s been with his wife 3 decades but cracked a joke saying “I’ll just get a divorce” playfully.I’m not naive so I know he probably won’t ever leave her nor do I want to be anyone’s side dish.But my question is:What is the point of all this? I don’t get the feeling he’ll cheat on his wife. I think that he likes the attention and ego boost of a girl 20 years younger than him liking him—but what’s the point in the whole “You never know what can happen” comments?
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at work, co-worker, divorce, flirt Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 November 2020):
 How about you just DECIDE that starting up anything remotely "romantic" WHERE you work is RARELY a good idea.
Even if you "crush" on this guy it doesn't mean you HAVE to act on it. You are OLD enough to know this is not a good idea, even if he is attractive. He is UNAVAIALBLE.
If you are looking for romance in your life, LOOK outside of your workplace. That way you don't have to deal with work drama, awkwardness and damage to your reputation.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2020): If you aren’t interested in an affair, I’d recommend only talking to him about work related things from now on...otherwise he’s going to keep asking questions, and thinking he has a chance. No flirting or being overly friendly. If you were up for it, make no mistake, he’d go for it. Backing off will hopefully get the point across. He is either bored of his aging wife, or she isn’t sleeping with him. But you are right, he won’t leave her. He’ll just mess around with young, beautiful women behind her back. If it’s not you, it’ll just be someone else. He’s a sleaze, and that’s the image you should have in your head of him.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (26 November 2020):
 The point is that he's having fun messing about, playing it off as just harmless flirting but the truth is he is fishing to see if you would be up for more. If you'd take the bait, he'd run with it. He's bored and more than likely looking for a piece on the side. He is trying to see how far he can go with you. The best thing you can do is to give him wide berth. See him what he is and stop having flirty conversations with him.
I had a job where there was a man in his 60's (my dad's age). He considered himself to be quite a lady's man. He had a daughter exactly my age. I was in my mid 20's, married and had 2 kids but I took care of myself, dressed up, tried to look nice FOR MYSELF. This man would always comment on how I dressed, and come up in whisper in my ear things like "Does your husband know how to take care of you?" "If I was 10 years younger and you were 10 years older I would show you a really good time".
YUK...it turned my stomach. His wife was a pretty lady and very nice too and it really upset me and the other ladies in the office that he would make such comments. We tried talking to our boss about him, but he always said "Oh he means no harm". YEAH..right...he meant harm, he just couldn't get any of us to fall for it.
A wolf in sheep's clothing he was, and so is this older man. Steer clear!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2020): Unless you really fancy him and are ignoring all the obvious common sense things like he only wants you for sex, he is a disgusting low life of a husband, he is hoping to use you, why would you be thinking about this so much and asking our advice? You are putting fare more thought and effort into this than most women would put into a serious relationship with a decent single man.I bet his wife has a few things to tell you about him that he would rather you do not know.Anything that goes on with work colleagues usually leads to tears - more so if one is married. The next thing we will hear is that you slept with him and now you want him to talk about leaving his wife but he is too busy to see you again and all the rest and now it is awkward at work.You show no interest in his wife - after all he has made her promises and if he was not happy with her he should have sort out what was wrong or got a divorce before he starts something else. When a guy is still with his wife and chats you up he never leaves her, the best you get is being the secret bit on the side for as long as suits him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2020): His wife has gone off him - she sees him for what he is - a boring, self centred, big headed, loser - so he is sexually frustrated. He is too mean to pay prostitutes for sex. He is too mean to pay sex chat lines for a quick relief phone call regularly. So he gets ideas of a naive, younger good looking woman being all his for a while. But first he is checking out that you are willing, ready and suitable. He told you he is married to see if you went off him. If you continue to smile and flirt he will think good she is the local bike, I can have her. He then moves onto step two and so on. He has no interest in dating you, falling for you, liking you, just bedding you. Why do you say that you are not naive? It pours out of every one of your orifices.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (26 November 2020):
 Don't mess with a married man because it will not go anywhere. You are the one who stands to get hurt the most. There are plenty of unattached men out there for you to crush on. Is he attracted to you? Probably a bit, but more than that I think he's guessed that you have a crush on him and he's playing on that, hoping to let laid. If not you, it would be anyone else.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2020): He is only after a bit on the side - you never know means if you are lucky you will be the chosen one. A most women wont go anywhere near married men you are the chosen one - he picks up that you are keen and nobody else is. Married men don't have a lot of options when it comes to a bit on the side because most are not interested in being used as a sexual convenience by a liar. You never know means he has hopes of getting into your knickers, not hopes of being with you openly and properly.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2020): What a lucky lady his wife is! NOT!! He knows exactly how to get your attention, play with your feelings, get you into bed.
Because, guess what? He's done it all before! And here you are posting about him, because he's got inside your head and you're excited about what's going to happen. He's an experienced player and you are number xxx on his list of throwaway conquests, who don't think much of themselves and will think even less of themselves once he's got you into bed and left you spinning, whilst he's onto the next one.
And as for the question of what's in his head??? SURELY you know the answer to that one!
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A
female
reader, froofroo22 +, writes (25 November 2020):
froofroo22 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEdit: I’m not interested in having an affair. My motivation For asking is because I had been crushing on him for many months and my image in my head of him has popped a bit. I was asking this question to get people’s perspectives if he was just messing around or actually seems to have intentions of cheating.
I’m asking because I’m hoping to get over him by refining my image of him to be more accurate to reality.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2020): Good question...he's married! So what's the point? Stop bantering and flirting. If he was your man, how would you feel about it? He's testing you to see if you're still game.
This one seems like a no-brainer to me! Unless you don't mind being a homewrecker?
Married-men who cheat on their wives are scumbags. How do you feel about messing-around with scumbags?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 November 2020):
Oh, he will cheat.
He wouldn't be fishing for your "feelings" about him or men in general if he wasn't thinking to prime you for a ONS, maybe a Christmas party fling. After which he is discard you or string you along.
The "you never know" is a MASSIVE hint. Not that he would LEAVE his wife (he probably wouldn't because that would make him the bad guy) but a hint that he has something to offer. As in SEX with a "mature" man.
Does he like the attention, the ego boost? The fantasy?
Most likely, SO do you. Or you wouldn't be entertaining these questions or the flirtation.
The thing what are YOUR values? YOUR morals? YOUR standard?
Can you stick to just being playfully flirty? Or are you HOPING for more?
Because this isn't about him, he didn't write in. YOU did.
So are you a decent human being that respect another person's marriage or are you not?
Quite simple.
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