| A
age
36-40,
*
writes: I know this probably gets to be an old topic on here, but I'm going to talk about it, anyhow. It's about not liking the way I look. (I know, eye roll). The thing that makes my situation unusual is, it's not that I don't have attractive features. I have big eyes, full lips, small-ish nose (although it has a bump on it from breaking it in my teens), thin face, really long hair, and slender body. From the way I described myself, it seems like there's nothing wrong with me. It's like I have all the features that an attractive person would have without actually being attractive myself. It's the strangest thing. I would almost have to post a picture for you all to see, because I can't describe it well enough. There's just something about me that's unappealing. My husband tells me all the time how attractive he thinks I am, and I know he's telling me the truth. I know his opinion is the only one that should matter to me, because I'm married to him and not anyone else. So who else do I have to look attractive for? But for some reason, I still can't stop feeling this way. And whenever I see a picture of myself, it's even worse. I think, "oh God, please tell me that's not how I look to other people". As you can tell by my screen name, I know there is no one definition for perfection. What's typically seen in the media is thrown in our faces as what's "perfect", but at the end of the day, we still all have our own preferences. That will never change. I don't want to look that way, anyhow. I want to still look like me, but not feel so damn unattractive all the time. How do I do this? I have good features, but all put together, they just don't work. How do I change this? If you are a woman who feels unattractive a lot, how do you make yourself feel better? Answers from men are welcome as well. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (21 April 2013):
 i like the distinction between being blind from birth, or losing sight later on in life. There would be a difference, wouldn't there?
But either way, it's obvious that if you couldn't see your features, you would not be feeling unattractive. So the feeling that you are unattractive originates in your mind, doesn't it?
I would really encourage you to read the Eckhart Tolle books and the Untethered Soul book I list in my profile. They will help you come to terms with that busy mind and how to deal with it. :)
Best wishes!
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (21 April 2013):
i like the distinction between being blind from birth, or losing sight later on in life. There would be a difference, wouldn't there?
But either way, it's obvious that if you couldn't see your features, you would not be feeling unattractive. So the feeling that you are unattractive originates in your mind, doesn't it?
I would really encourage you to read the Eckhart Tolle books and the Untethered Soul book I list in my profile. They will help you come to terms with that busy mind and how to deal with it. :)
Best wishes!
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 April 2013):
Did you try to analyze the concept of being blind and how that might alter your perception of yourself?
Check out my profile, there are books listed there that discuss the mind's need to fabricate stuff to worry about…
Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2013): Hey girl, you are attractive and lovely the way you are. If you werent you would be living on your own, with an adoring husband who thinks you are dam hot.I am what you call unattractive and when I'm down about never finding a mate, I think well at least i have friends and family who adore me and maybe I just wasn't meant to meet anyone. I am now 44 and not a sniff of interest from men, they always are attracted to my married friends when we go out for coffees or the very occasional hight out.Please listen to what you husband tells you, because he maybe hurt by you not believing him, and that his opinion is not worth it. Every time you hear the voice inside saying you're not attractive, say STOP, I am because i have a gorgeous man who says otherwire.
...............................
A
male
reader, 2old4this +, writes (19 April 2013):
 I am not a woman and I hope some helpful ones can answer this for you. I will give you my 2 cents though. I saw just a few days ago a story on perception of looks. Something you understand as you stated. But a persons attitude and the way they feel on the inside is directly related to this. In other words if you feel good then you will probably feel like you look good too. The better you feel the better you perceive yourself. I'm wondering if maybe you need just a really good vacation and also find ways to reduce stress in your life. Also I have been told and experienced that exercise releases a chemical in the body that actually makes you feel happier. So maybe join a gym or something. It's just a few things I have noticed, I hope it helps.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (19 April 2013):
How would you feel about yourself if you were blind?
Think about that for a while. Don't respond right away. Just use that busy mind of yours that is overanalyzing and analyze that thought for some time.
We all have insecurities about our looks. You need to stop listening to the negative voice in your head. That voice is just there to create a job for your mind to have something to chew on. It makes stuff up all the time and has nothing to do with your inner self, your own inner beauty.
So stop listening to it.
Go to a really good makeup artist and a stylist, get a makeover and you'll maximize your assets and distract from what may be 'liabilities,' if I may use such a loaded word to a woman who has self-esteem issues.
But you'll still have that busy mind that tells you that you are unattractive. It's such a damn liar.
I think the best tactic to take is to learn to recognize that inner negative voice when it starts making all those awful judgements about you and to … stop listening. That's it. Stop listening.
Listen instead to the wise inner you who knows without a doubt that you are perfect as you are. If only you have the stillness and peace to listen to that wise inner woman….
...............................
|
