A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My best friend (I'll call her B) from uni and I fell out over 5 years ago. It's a long story, but the outline of it was that B's ex started going out with another of my friends (call her C) and because of that B expected me to stop being friends with C.I refused because 1. I didn't think C had done anything wrong (B and the ex had been over for 6 months - she finished with him, and B and C werent really friends anyway so there was no loyalty there) and 2. I don't think anyone should dictate who I should or shouldn't be friends with. I tried to reason with her at the time but she didn't want to hear and cut all contact. So that was over 5 years ago and we've never really spoken since. But recently I've started missing her a lot and wishing I knew what she was up to. I mean she was my best friend for almost 4 years and it's sad to think that was for nothing.So I've been thinking about sending her an email/letter just to say I miss her and there are no hard feelings on my part. I'd leave the rest up to her. But I don't know if its a stupid idea? I'm scared it'll open up old wounds and she'll reject my friendship all over again? But then what if she thinks the same as me and is scared to make the move?Do you think time could have healed any of the bad feeling or is it more likely to have made it worse? Any advice appreciated!
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male
reader, N91 +, writes (20 April 2013):
 I'd give it a try, a similar thing happened with my best mate of about 7 years and we don't speak anymore and sometimes I miss him and wonder what he's up to as well.
At least if you make the effort and she isn't having any of it then she's being petty about it all and you can move on knowing that you don't need her in your life.
Good luck
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (20 April 2013):
 Whose wound are you opening up? Hers or yours? Yours is open as you are picking at it and thinking about it.
Are you older and more confident? Can you handle the rejection at all?
The situation may be that you two do reconnect and then the relationship fades away again. Would that be an acceptable outcome?
I guess I would fall into the camp of giving it a try. At least you'll move on having known you made the effort and it was not through lack of effort or care or concern on your part that the relationship ended.
One think to consider is that she seemed like a pretty rigid and unforgiving person, based on her ending the friendship because what a mutual friend did. Is that really such a wonderful person? :/ Just asking, I'm not saying she's a mean or awful person but she did have no compunction in kicking you out of her life. That's very, um, controlling on her part.
I would say most people mellow a bit with age and with some maturity comes a sense of how important forgiveness can be to move through life with healthy relationships. If the 5 years has made her meaner and more incalcitrant, well, good riddance to her, best to have her out of your life then, don't you think?
I would make the overture but not have any expectation of a successful reconciliation.
Let us know what you decide to do and how you feel afterwards.
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