A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys. I have posted on here before recently. I have had a horrible time recently. Me and my bf broke up in December after I had a miscarriage in November. Basically he wasn’t really there for me and I was really going through it and I pretty much had a total mental breakdown. This included drinking too much, being off work and lots of fights. I am on the mend now and trying to get back on track. I have curbed the amount I drink, got a dog, im back at work and slowly falling out of love with this jerk who has treated me appallingly.The thing is that we have a joint mortgage. Neither of us can take the house on alone so we are going to stay and sell it. The thing is that he went to see a solicitor and now he keeps asking me to ‘sign the house over to him.’ I don’t really understand why he is doing this and the only thing I can think of is that he wants to totally shaft me, as what this will in effect do is give him the rights to the house, i.e. then he can ask me to leave, but I will still be on the mortgage, and therefore legally bound to pay if he decides not to. I’m sure he wont do that but when I tell him that if I do that he can ask me to leave he says he wont and then gets angry and he has become verbally abusive around this calling me ‘evil’ and ‘a witch.’ But surely I have the right to make my own decisions about what I should do and at the moment I don’t want to ‘sign the house over’ to him. its my house too, even if I didn’t pay any of the deposit. Can anyone help me out here, why is he doing this?Any kind words would help also as I cant believe that the man I used to love is treating me like this. What happened to amicably breaking up??! At least I am now starting to see what a nasty bit of work he can be and that has helped me to let go. The problem now is that I am starting to feel quite cold towards life and people and I feel that I just want to be on my own and I don’t trust anyone anymore. He has totally broken my heart. I am 40 this year and I would have loved to have settled down and got married and have kids but that has not happened and now im pretty sure it wont. Thanks for reading x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2012): Hi im the OP. To male anon who wrote today - we are tenants in common, but no-one has mentioned to me that the house is more his than mine? He gets more if we sell but I believe thats it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2012): To male anon who wrote on the 22nd feb – woah there, that’s quite an abusive reply, you sound angrier than me!! And you also sound like it is you who don’t trust people!!
I’d like to think I do still trust him a bit and that he is not out to shaft me. When we bought the house we were together; I don’t think there were any alterior motives from either of us and it s very unfortunate that all of this has happened.
You’re right I did have a difficult childhood but I’m certainly not the retard that you make me out to be.
I have made bad choices in my choice of men it would seem, but if you had read my message properly, you would have seen that I was asking for some kind replies. Yours was borderline abusive. I have been through more in the last few months than people go through in years and to be honest, the last thing I need is to be character assassinated by the likes of you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2012): Don't sign anything over to him. When you got the mortgage you would have been given a DR1 form ( I think thats the name) and on that form in section 11 is the option to be either joint tenants or tenants in common. If you ticked joint tenants then you both own the house together. What this means is it is irrelevant that you didn't pay anything on the deposit as the law in the UK doesn't care about this if you are joint tenants. When you 'sever' the joint tenancy you will own 50 % of the house. To 'sever' is when you sell the house together or if you sell your half. If you ticked tenants in common then the house will be your boyfriends though you will be entitled to a small share if you've been making mortgage payments or other sacrifices. I hope this has given you a reasonable overview but I would echo what everybody else has said and see a solicitor asap. Even if you would struggle to pay the solicitor still go as it could save you a lot of money in the long run and they will know exactly what position you are in. Your boyfriend may be trying to pull a fast one hence his abuse.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2012): you may not have been legally married, but the financial ties make it similar to marriage and divorce.
This is why divorces are messy. As with a divorce, you should get your own lawyer and let your lawyer handle it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2012): "why is he doing this?"because he wants to totally shaft you as what that will in effect do is give him the rights to the house, then he can ask you to leave, but you will still be on the mortgage, and therefore legally bound to pay if you decides not to. "I’m sure he wont do that."DUH!!! That's EXACTLY what he's planning, to get out fom under a house he can't carry on his own with no obligation,leaving you solely and fully financially responsible to pay the mortgage on a house you don't own and can't afford. "but when I tell him that if I do that he can ask me to leave he says he wont"He's lying to get what he wants. "and then gets angry and he has become verbally abusive around this calling me ‘evil’ and ‘a witch.’"He's trying to intimidate you to get what he wants. "But surely I have the right to make my own decisions about what I should do and at the moment I don’t want to ‘sign the house over’ to him. its my house too, even if I didn’t pay any of the deposit."You are absolutely correct. "I cant believe that the man I used to love is treating me like this."Can you believe the man who never loved you, was just using you, has now turned on you and so is trying to lie, bully, intimidate and coerce you into giving him license to ruin you financially beyond recovery is treating you like this? Hope so, he is. "What happened to amicably breaking up??! At least I am now starting to see what a nasty bit of work he can be . . "Amicably breaking up still here, but only works when breaking up with amicable persons. Nasty bits of work only amenable to nasty breakups."I don’t trust anyone anymore"Don't don't trust anyone, just don't trust him."I am 40 this year and I would have loved to have settled down and got married and have kids but that has not happened and now im pretty sure it wont."You must have had a very difficult childhood, you seem to be completely devoid of any measure of life or coping skills at all, completely naive and unable to recognize reality even when it shoots you, stabs you, bludgeons you and throws you out of a low-flying aircraft, still clinging to schoolgirl fantasy of life. Can only hope you can at least live out your remaining years in peace and tranquility, sadly not sure if you are capable of learning applicable lessons, seems you are so desperate to hear what you want to hear and believe what you what you want believe that you are going to fall right in the same trap with the next loser who looks your way.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2012): Get yourself a solicitor immediately, or at the very least legal advice.You need to be strong and armed with back-up. You can do it, just be strong and focused,do not hand over the house.This is the last hurdle before you can move on 100%.
My guess is he will try and wear you down till you do anything to shut him up.But you have come so far after a rotten few months and once the house is sold you will be free completely.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2012): Hi im the OP. he is acting very immaturely; honestly, for the last two days it's been one tantrum after the other! makes him look stupid at the end of the day, like i'm going to buy in to any of it and go 'oh ok, here you go'!!??
It is upsetting though. it was actually his solicitor that has given him this advice! i cant afford a solicitor. i had lots of time off after and during my miscarriage and breakdown and am now in debt and am still getting underpaid. but i can contact the citizens advice bureau which is what i think i will do next.
im just going to play it cool and keep the hell out of his way. he is a vile nasty man. i cant believe what he has put me through.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (22 February 2012):
 do not sign anything over to him.
IF he wants to buy you out by paying you half of what the house is worth then you could do that but otherwise just be calm and cool and perhaps seek a lawyer to get advice to protect your interests.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (22 February 2012):
 This is a textbook reason why people shouldn't play house before marriage with the joint accounts and mortgages.
However, that statement doesn't help you now. Do not sign anything over to him. In fact, get a solicitor of your own to advise you. There could be value in that home, and he's not asking for you to sign over to him if there wasn't anything in it for him.
Ignore his stupid name calling. Remember, he has no power over you. His acting like a 2 year old with diaper rash shouldn't move you one iota.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (22 February 2012):
 HI
Dont be disheartened, you will get through this and one day let someone else into your heart.
But for now NO I would not sign the house over to him, his trying to be mean and manipulitive to get you so angry you just give in and do just that. Just be perfectly clear to him and blunt, NO IM NOT SIGNING THE HOUSE OVER TO YOU, GET OVER IT, AND DONT ASK ME AGAIN, ignore his childishness, as you said, you see him for what he really is now so get on with your life. If he dont like it tell him to sign the house over to you see how he likes it :)
It's always sad that a relationship has come to this, but it IS your house too, so dont be pushed around and made to feel you have to do anything you dont want to.
Mandy xx
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