A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i need some suggestions. this could be pretty long but ill try to keep it short. my ex girl and i dated a couple of years and broke up a few months ago. during the break up we kept having sex and kept going on dates but not officially together. she dropped out of college this year but is planning on going back this next semester. so right now shes got alot of spare time. well anyways she cheated on me during the last month of our relationship and kept seeing that guy after the break up. i found all this out just recently and i was pretty upset but im getting over it. the thing is i love her still (well not as much as i used to) but i still do and now i have distanced myself from her. i dont call her anymore (i changed my number) and i dont go up to her if i see her. i just pretty much deleted her from my life but she knows where i work and she comes to visit me. thats the only contact we have , when she comes to my job. the problem is, that i feel like she only comes when shes bored or lonely. as much as i hate to admit it, i like it when she comes and we have a good time talking. she said she will visit me as much as she can but she only comes once a week or even as long as 10 days. she says she loves me alot and she regrets doing all she did and she will change but i just cant see the effort that supposibly shes putting in to get me back.what i dont know is what to do. should i continually just see her when she comes? should i encourage her to come? (i already did but i guess i could stop). like i said she doesnt have a job or school right now and she has minimal chores to do at home so she has all the time in the world to come visit me but it usually takes a week between her visits. i think she only comes when she need someone to talk to and get affection from rather than just coming because she just wants to see me. oh and the other guy lives 8 hours away now so i really doubt theres anything going on there but i she swears on her families lives that she isnt seeing anybody other than me. what would you guys do? id like some male advice but female advise would also be appreciated.
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (20 April 2011):
 I suggest cutting contact with her so that you can actually move on. It's not so much the cheating, but the fact that she continued it after she said it was over. Those kind of lies create wounds in your trust that can almost never be recovered from.
I think you'd be able to really move on and find someone who will be what you need if you can manage to cut her out of your life. It's not easy putting someone special in your past, but sometimes it's what you have to do in order to really be happy.
You are convenient for her now, and I think you're right about her lack of effort and what it means. Trust your instincts.
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