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female
age
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anonymous
writes: What can you do, if you have no way to find out what is causing your husband strange behavior, and impotence?I'm spending my last 4 years ,trying to find out why did he turned impotent, and why he seem to be much more distant ,he used to be. I'm trying to stop asking the questions, and just accepting it how it is, but I have hard time, because I don't know, what do I accept?Am I just wasting my time, and at the end I will have nothing.So my question is if there is no obvious answers to your questions, and you don't really know why is this happening, what is the best thing to do?I don't don't know how to deal with this. Because we can't search more he did go to the doctors and they have no answer to him, also the counselor have no answers.I'm thinking now, maybe the truth does not matter anymore , only that how it makes me feel , and if I can accept this. Do I have right to leave him, even if I have no evidence of his changes toward me, or I have to search more? What do you think? Thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2009): WELL. YES.. He might be feeling guilty, but he does not say this. He does not say it at all, what does he feel. This why I'm not sure ,that I can stay around, as maybe he is in some kind of denial,and I can't help on that,so possibly I'm just going to be a victim of his sudden touch with reality. I know it is too complex, but I;m in a very bad situation. Thanks for any suggestions.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2009): Does he feel guilty about anything? If he has been seeing someone else it is likely he would withdraw from any contact with you. If that is not possible then maybe you can find other ways to love one another and take the pressure off his 'failings' good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2009): Does he feel close to you? Safe with you? Is he worried about life? Growing old? His job? there are all kind sof reasons that a man can withdraw, sadly it doesn't mean that he doesn't love you, but that (possibly) he has no idea how to handle strong negative emotions... he could be seriously depressed...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2009): some men can't get hard like they used to, due to a injury or other physical ailment. i had a serious injury and then had to have back surgery 15 years ago, and even before that, back as far as 1990, I had problems getting and keeping an erection. i didn't know what was happening and couldn't do anything about it either. viargra and cialis helped me, because it was physical. stamps at night don't mean anything. he shd try cialis or some other med. depression and other things can be the cause but if he is really upset that he can't get it up, it's possibly physical, not just psychological.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2009): If you have any story ,similar to this ,please do tell!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2009): THANKS VERY MUCH,...Well,the stamp test was done , and yest it broke.So ,yes he is technically healthy. But his condition is chronic, that basically every time he tries he fails at the first sec. The doctor says it is total impotence,and it rare to see that with no good explanation. Well ,we went to therapist,and she couldn't really figure it out wat is wrong.So I wonder what do you think how a shrink can help, if its so complex? What can be the problem , what is so hard to find?Any ideas are very helpful. I'm so puzzled. thanks
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male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (16 October 2009):
 Then I don't know, but psychological problems or divergent interests may be an issue. Best wishes to you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2009): NO, HE IS NOT ON ANY MEDICATION...And he is not medically ill in anyways.. His impotenceunable to keep an erection is likely psychological, but they never said why. When it is psychological, it is very very hard to find the cause. If it's hidden, than its hidden well,,.
Now the medical investigation was very extensive, and than several session with sex therapist still didn't give an answer.
So ,yes it is possible to not know why... In our case almost everything was done for investigating the problem, but no ''concrete'' answer,,,\
That is why its so hard.
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male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (16 October 2009):
Is your husband on blood pressure medication? Beta-blockers, notably Atenolol, can cause the problem.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2009): I think the first step would be to determine if it is a physical problem or psycological. There is a simple test to find out if his thing is working properly. Put a ring of stamps around his penis before bedtime, if the ring is broken in the morning, then he is having nocturnal erections and he is working fine, which means it is psycological.
That way you will know if he needs viagra or a shrink :)
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (16 October 2009):
 Have you not asked him to see a doctor? I mean I agree with Jayney here. It could be erectile dysfunction. You say that the doctors have no answers...were you with him in the examining room? I mean I have a hard time believing that doctors have no answers. and this has been going on for 4 years.
Tell you what, just call me a little incredulous about this, but here is a link to Web Md and the Erectile Dysfunction Help Center. Take a look at it. It may be something that your previous doctors have misdiagnosed, or not diagnosed at all.
Hope this helps
http://www.webmd.com/erectile-dysfunction/default.htm
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A
female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (16 October 2009):
 I'm not really sure whether you mean impotence, or erectile dysfunction. If it's impotence, then it should only be a real problem if you're trying to have children, but if it's erectile dysfunction, and there's no medical reason for it, then obviously there's a psychological cause. He may be going through a mid-life crisis, but if you saw a counsellor and they couldn't establish that, then perhaps it's something much more serious. Being as he's become distant from you during this time that might suggest the he has depression to some degree, and that can severely affect a persons sex drive. Can you think of any event that may have triggered depression? Is it possible that he may be unhappy in your relationship but is afraid of discussing it?
If you don't feel that you can accept what's happening and he won't discuss the problem with you, then he doesn't leave much choice but for you to be the one who makes the decisions about your future together. Maybe if you explain to him that you are considering leaving it may motivate him to tell you what's going on with him.
Good luck, :)
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