A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am married but seperated for the past 8 years.Single Parent with a high profile job. Have had a serious relationship and broke off about 4 years back. I am choosy when it comes to dating and getting involved. Recently I started liking a colleague at office and after about 5 months we fell for each other. He was in a bad marriage according to him and his wife was pregnant at the time we met. Now he has a 2 week old daughter. He comes from a different background and once we started talking to each other I had serious doubts in getting in to a relationship with a married man but he was desperatly in need of starting a relationship . He is one person that I have liked in years. We ve been seeing each other for the past 3 -4 months. It started off very well he was being honest and meeting me when ever possible. there was a sence of commitment, but he said he is not ina possision to leave his family, but might be able to lookforward to migrate to another country. However after about 2 weeks he strated changing. He refuses my comments on his behaviour. He says that I am the best thing ever happen to him. According to him he still wants me. But I am quite unsure since I do not see the same interest from him and I feel that I am being used. I feel the best would be to break off but then again I am stuck as it is very rearly I happen to like anyone to fall in love. Communication between us is very low. We hardly meet up other than a 2-3 minute with eachother at office and he thinks it is adequate.He as a person very arrogant , stright forward and less emotional. Me on the other hand is very supportive and caring and very much in love. I want to know what the best I should do whether to breakoff, I am also worried that I may not meet anyone I like as it has taken so many years to fall in love again. Please advice.
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female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (20 January 2008):
 This man's wife just had a baby. It is entirely possible that the sex life while she was pregnant was poor and that he looked on the outside to satisfy this need. Now that his wife has given birth it is likely their sex life will fall back in order, that could be why he has changed a bit with you.
For you wanting this to be the one, I would say, it's simply not. This man is not emotionally available to you and I suspect he is using you for sex. Take a hard look at what you really want in a man and I'll bet deep down you want and need more than he is able to give. The right man will come along but he'll walk right by if you're still wasting your time on this man. Who by the way is married and not a good husband either.
A
female
reader, Artistry +, writes (20 January 2008):
 Hi, I read a lot between the lines of what you write. How much emotional support does he give you? Who will be the first people who claim his time, his legal wife and children. What has he told you, he is not ready to leave his wife, do you really feel he will ever be ready? Another thing, what are you getting from him now, will it be any different if he was with you and not his family. They will also always be in his life. Don't sell yourself short, the right person or a more compatibile man can be found. This man is not being true to his current wife or his marriage vows, he wants to have his cake and eat it too, while sharing the crumbs with you. Don't settle for lhess than nothing. One last thing, if he cheats on this wife, where is the guarantee he won't do the same with you?
Write down the advantages on one side of the paper and the disadvantages on the other, you'll come to the right conclusion, sometimes love is not enough, love yourself first. Good luck, life is too short.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (20 January 2008):
 Most married men may profess to you that they want to leave their family . It is only words and they cannot bring themselves to end that relationship.They will be fence sitters as long as they can.
What he did not get from his marriage, he looked for it on the outside.They will have affairs and nothing more.
Even if they were to leave , they will still have an invisible umbilical cord to that family.If they have children it is even harder to cut the bonds.
He comes in parts and pieces and not a complete man.
If he is divorced legally , there is some hope but if not , he is just playing around.
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A
female
reader, Devilish Angel +, writes (20 January 2008):
 It sounds like he is using you for sex. Ask him what does he mean 'he's not in a position to leave his family'. Get to the bottom of the matter. Even though he makes you happy, he's not giving you what you need emotionally and physically. There is a man out there for you...There is for everyone.
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