A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm going to be spending valentines day with my closest friend. he and I have been real good friends for 3 years but have been fwb, too, for the past year and a half. we both agree that we're closest to each other of everybody we know. he's really special to me because I lost my virginity to him but he and I aren't very romantic towards each other. please don't be down on our lifestyles together because we're both happy with how we are with each other. anywho, since we aren't dating and neither of us are romantic people... what would be an appropriate gift for me to get him? he's already like paying for me and him at the cheesecake factory, which I'm sure is expensive. I don't want it to be too cliche either /: PLEASE HELP.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell how else am I supposed to look at it? the only reason we're not together is because I don't trust his faithfulness.
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (10 February 2010):
 "I love my fwb till death"
You will get hurt because you really dont think of him as a fwb. In your head he is your boyfriend.
I wish you all the luck, and I really hope you dont get hurt.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionits like like we're strangers? we're really fucking close. and people buy stuff for everyone they love?? like I'm getting my parents & siblings and best friends things and I'm not having romantic sex with any of them. I love my fwb till death and he's very deserving of a gift. I'm not gonna get crushed or hurt and neither is he. he and I are very complicated.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (10 February 2010):
OP, you have answered the question yourself. This is why you shouldnt get him anything for valentines day.
"he hasn't hooked up with anyone else in quite awhile but whenever he gets the chance he would and that's why we're not together."
So, you give him a valentines present, and next week he could be off romancing another girl. Because you are not in a relationship with him, valentines means nothing to him.
Valentines is about romance, it is about relationships and love and being together forever, and happy ever after. It is about whispering sweet nothings in each others ears, and not wanting to be with anyone else but them. It is about soppyness and romantic sex.
It is not about fwb.
Have you ever seen a valentines card that says "to my FWB with love" ? No. Because love doesnt come into fwb.
Fwb is about sex. Nothing more, nothing less. There is no emotion involved, which is what valentines is all about.
I do think you really need to reconsider your part in this relationship tho. You say that he would go off with someone else whenever he gets the chance, but you wont see anyone because it might hurt him? You are waiting patiently until he comes back to you. Basically, in your mind, you are in a relationship with this guy. You wont see anyone else, you wont leave him, you want to send him something for valentines. You are acting like his girlfriend.
You are setting yourself up for a massive fall here, and are going to get very very hurt. You could also be missing out on meeting a really nice guy, because you are far more concerned about this fwb relationship. It really isn't healthy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't know how to explain why we're not officially together. he hasn't hooked up with anyone else in quite awhile but whenever he gets the chance he would & that's why we're not together. I would date him and hed date me we just both know I'd be the faithful one. I don't want to hurt him so I don't hook up with anyone else.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionit's not a typical fwb at all... it's me who's not romantic. it's me who doesn't want to start a relationship. it's like there are strings attached we're just not official, therefore, no one has the right to get mad when we get with other people. like last sunday he just asked me to please not get with anyone else because it makes him jealous & that he just wants me for him & that he's in love with me. I love him back and I trust him as a friend, there's just no way in hell I'd trust him as a boyfriend.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (10 February 2010):
I also want to add, that maybe because you lost your virginity to this guy, that you are looking at him with rose coloured glasses on. Why would you want to sleep with someone who isnt romantic with you?
He is really special to you, because he was your first, now he is just using you, and I very much doubt you are looking for other guys to date?
Just be careful you dont get hurt with this arrangement.
Take care
Tiger
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (10 February 2010):
Personally, if you are fwb, and are not actually "officially" dating, then you shouldnt send a valentines.
Essentially you are just using each other for sex. That is not romantic, it is not committed, and if a new girl came along that he really liked he would dump you like a hotcake. That is what fwb is all about.
He could be taking you out as just "friends"... nothing more.
I would be wary of getting him something for valentines day, as he may well think you are getting too emotionally attached, when all he wants is a bit of sex when he feels like it. If he wanted to date you and have you as a girlfriend then he would not say that you could see other people. What if you get him something romantic, and he turns round and says, "hang on, we are not in a relationship?" How would you feel?
Right now, you are showing all the classic signs of what happens when fwb go bad...... one or other gets too emotionally attached and wants "more". This is invariably when that person gets hurt.
Please be careful, and try and see your relationship for what it actually is.
If you want to "date" him, then make it clear to him you want more and see what he says, if not, then I strongly suggest not sleeping with him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't know how to explain how we are with each other... like we act like we're dating except we can still get with other people but its very seldom that we do that...
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (9 February 2010):
You could get him a card and go out for a meal. But to get something personal might cause problems if all you want is an fwb relationship.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthere's no reason as to why I shouldn't get him anything?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (9 February 2010):
Nothing if you are just a friend with benefit. Maybe just go out for a meal or something. But if you are just a fwb, then keep it low key.
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