A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, so I'm 18.My best friends boyfriend is mutual friends with a 26 year old. Apparently he saw a picture of me from my friend and he thought I was attractive so wanted to get to know me.He began by adding me on Facebook and we arranged to meet up for a drink, myself, my best friend and him.Having gone quite well, he text my friend asking for my number.He offered me to come round to his place to cook me lunch for the second meeting, but I felt as though it was too soon, so I asked my friend to come to his local pub again, where we just arrived without letting him know. I wanted to take some control just as I was getting to know him. He thanked me for coming and said i'll just finish off these drinks with my friends and i'll come and see you. He spent most of the night with them, and didn't make much of an effort to talk to me. A girl did come onto him but he rejected her.The next time we met, we met just the two of us and went for a meal. I paid, stupid I know. He spoke mostly about himself, trying to impress me. He didn't hold my hand as we were walking around, or make any attempt to get to know me better. We bumped into a couple of his friends he didn't introduce them to me he just guided his head towards me so the friend looked. When we were in the restaurant he mentioned his exes, saying he was with the one this time last year etc etc.After the date he said he was meeting up with some of his friends and the landlords of the pub (who I already knew) but he didn't let me stick around. He just walked me to the bus, hugged me, and off he went.He then text me through the night, saying I'm perfect and he's falling in love with me. Now I didn't fall for this, because we'd only met a few times.The next time we met he still was more interested in drinking at the bar, so it was me making the effort to go up to the bar and talk to him. I went and sat back down on my own and a 22 year old approached me and started flirting with me. I didn't flirt back I just spoke to him. He asked for my number but I said no. The guy and my friend's boyfriend called me up to get me away from the 22 year old. I was then shouted at by the 26 year old, he said he never wanted to see me again and that I hurt him. I handled the situation as best as I could, I didn't shout back and i tried to calm the situation, and be reassuring. He invited me back to his after but I said no. I was very drunk, he could see that. He shouted at me to make me feel guilty, in which I think was an attempt to get me back to his to get me to sleep with him because he made me feel guilty. On that night there were also some women, who often go to that pub they told me to be careful. The time before I was also warned by a 60 year old woman. These are all people that know him well. I confided in my friend about this guy, as you do, yet little did I know that everything I was saying she was feeding back to him, as she often texted him. I said to my friend what if he's just with my for one thing. and coincidently he phoned me at 4am saying he's not just with me for sex. I was only getting told what I wanted to hear. and my friend knew what I wanted to hear so was getting him to say this. It's as though she was desperate to get me to like him. But I had my wits about him from the start and was just starting to suss him out. My friend kept saying she didn't want to get involved, although she got involved on his part.so I believe she isn't a true friend. I was invited out with my friend and some of her other friends. The guy was out partying so i didn't expect to see him at the pub. I sat down and had a drink with my friends then went to the bar. I spoke to his older friend. I kept looking at the door to see if the guy was coming. His friend said 'Oh he's not coming, i know exactly what he's doing tonight'. He then said 'He doesn't care about you, and won't be the love of your life'. He then dropped a bombshell...'you do know he's got kids don't you?'. That was it for me I made up my mind once and for all. Despite asking my best friend about this she always denied it, despite her boyfriend knowing, who I told her to find out from. I asked my friend If we could leave, I said I was feeling unwell. But then they invited the guy. I went and sat over by the karaoke people. They looked after me throughout the night. The guy then showed up so I went into the bathroom just to calm my nerves. I said hi as I passed through the bar and he raised his shoulders. I sat down again just to distance myself from him. Me and a 20 year old went to the bar, and that lad had him sussed out so he said to the guy 'that's my girlfriend', and he said i'm still f*cking her tonight. That showed me that he was only after one thing.I just continued to enjoy my night and the group of karaoke people sang with me and we all danced. I often caught him at the bar flirting with women. He didn't acknowledge me throughout the night. Instead him and my friend were bitching about me . My friend should of been more concerned that he wasn't talking to me, not that I wasn't talking to him. I had my reasons for not talking to him.At the end of the night the karaoke lot offered to give me a lift home because they could see that the girls were no true friends of mine as they were bitching about me. I hugged everybody and said goodbye, including the guy. When I arrived home I spoke to my mom and then went to bed. He phoned at 4am, I was asleep although my Mom answered. He started swearing at her because she wasn't letting him get through to me.Throughout the two months we only met 5 times. He text me everyday and phoned me. What were his intentions, what were his morals? Why was my friend on his side? Yet his friends were on my side? Why did she hate it when I wasn't talking to him?
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best friend, drunk, facebook, flirt, his ex, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2011): 26 year old is a narcissist/abuser/charmer let alone alcoholic. Your FB Girl Pal- she's messed to play these games and stir the pot. I suspect she likes drama.
Stay away from them both.
Surround yourself with happier, healthier people and you will avoid unnecessary drama.
Its good you trusted your instincts and KNEW this guy was not worth your time. Continue this and you will do well.
Sometimes its not worthy having to know why people do what they do. I say unhappiness. Happy people don't play games and don't cause drama. Happy HEALTHY people don't abuse, betray, and hang in such places. So don't make the Pub/Bar a habit to kill time on weekends. Do other things!
*hugs*
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