A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a question about friends with benefits (FWB). My wife and I watched the movie 'Friends with Benefits' about 2 weeks ago. This past weekend we were at some of our friends home, and the topic of this movie came up. I just casually said, yep, 'xxx' my wife had a friend with benefits. My wife is really mad at me because she has never had sex with anyone but me. She got real angry in front of these friends and said she has never done anything with anyone but me.I was just joking around, but she did have a male friend who she didn't date, but she did give him a few handjobs, and she admitted that once she went down on him, but stopped and finished him with her hand. I thought that was considered FWB, it doesn't have to be actual sex does it? And I know, it was crude of me to say that in front of friends, but I didn't go into details or anything, I was just joking around with a little bit of truth behind it.So, I know I was wrong, but didn't my wife have a FWB? Or what would you call it if she made him cum a few times, but never had sex. Friends with a little bit of benefits? Friends with Some Benefits?
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (23 November 2011):
 Yeah, I didn't think you'd come back with a followup. You were just continuing your little campaign of humiliation.
The point is that you chose a public forum to decide to humiliate her, and this was a point you could have discussed and decided in private with her. This wasn't about the niceties of a definition, this was about getting back at her for hurting your ego. You were not "just joking around." You were being deliberately mean.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2011): If something was harmless and innocent then there would be nothing wrong with her still doing it with the guy today. So what she did was not harmless and innocent, it was sexual behavior.
But I agree with the others that you shouldn't have spilled it like that.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (22 November 2011):
 You had no right to publicly disclose your wife's sexual history without her permission. You should apologize profusely, flowers or something nice couldn't hurt either.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (22 November 2011):
Your wife's sexual history is not something you get to disclose to anyone, and especially not in a group setting.
You deliberately chose to humiliate and embarrass her. That was cruel and mean of you. Are you angry at her for some reason?
You owe her an apology.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 November 2011):
 I always think of FWB as intercourse
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (22 November 2011):
 Definitely FWB. And definitely something you don't spill to people in her life. Aunt Honesty is right -- this is a time for an apology gift.
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A
female
reader, supermum  +, writes (21 November 2011):
 I think you are putting way too much weight on it. My version of fwb is more about the sex than anything, though I guess that does not need to be the case.
Having said that, your wifes sexual history is no one elses business but hers, and you had no right to mention it, joking or otherwise. I expect that is why she is angry, not the actual terminology.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (21 November 2011):
 I guess you could call it a friend with benefits. But off course she was going to get annoyed and offended at you blurting this out, she told you that in confidence and that sort of thing should not be spoke about outside of the marriage. At the end of the day it was a long time ago, so really you should just forget about it. Why don't you go out and buy her a nice big bunch of flowers to apologise and show her that you care and that you have learned your lesson.
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