A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I don't have really relationship question, but more friendship. I have quite bad problems with one of my best friends. At least for me these problems are such a bad, that i often loose my confidence for couple of days. Even my confidence is not high anyway.It's kind of hard to explain what's particulary wrong in our relationship. We have a lot in common, we like the same music, clothes and also the same people. Probably the biggest difference between us is that i'm not "the strong, proud girl" as she is- i'm more gentle and i don't like fighting. Also i feel that we understand friendship on the different way. She sees herself as the most important person in her life, but for me is not like that. I simply can't understand it, because i'm always trying to help my friends everytime they need a help, talk, some analyzing.. Even the small favours that seems important for them- like if some of my girlfriends like a guy who is often in one bar, i'd go with her for a drink even i don't like this bar. But she's not like that- if i like somebody, she wouldn't go with me in a bar just because she's not in the right mood or don't like to go there. I think that friendship is about compromises and taking care for each other. But obviously she doesn't think the same. For example, we wanted to go on the same university and i succeded and she didn't. She has been totally cold to me for the whole week! I often felt she was jealous of me for many different reasons. Other problem with her is that she can be rude to me without no reason. Just because she has a bad day or something. These bad days are the worst thing- she became verbally competitive and she talks about things like she would know everything about anything. I can't stand that, but i can't argue with her too because she become so controlling and looks so "smart", that i feel like i'm nothing. Especially when we're with bunch of people she wants to charm.. I've had had so many small fights with her, but then i realised that it's kind of pointless to fight with her because after all she'll "win" even she was not right at the first place. The main problem is, like i've said, that we have these "cold" days or even weeks when we don't talk and if we do she only answers me with "yes/no or "i disagree because of..." And it's happening at least once or twice a month. I know it's not my fault to have this hard time with her, because i never fight with no one of my friends. It's kind of frustrating for me, i'm not used to fighting or finding hard to talk with people i love so often. And when we have good times, she can be wonderful friend, she's always telling me the truth and it's fun to have her around, talk to her, laugh, gossip about the people.I'd try to talk with her about our problems, but i realised that i don't know what to say. Because everything i'd say, she can find excuse of and at the end it would look like i'm wrong or bitch here. So my question is, how can i deal with her difficult character? Any idea what's going on with her? How can i help her and save our friendship?
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best friend, confidence, jealous, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2009): it sounds to me like you and your friend have two different views of the friendship and what it means to be a friend.
you said you wanted to try and talk with her about "our problems", but i'm not sure that would help or solve anything. She is who she is - in the same way that you are who you are. what if she sat down to talk with you and asked you to "stop being so gentle" or to "fight more often"?
do you see where i'm going with this? you have to be who you are, and let others live their lives. if the way someone lives their life isn't compatible with yours, then you should find other friends to hang out with. it doesn't mean you have to stop seeing your friend, but just limit the time you spend with her.
life is short, so spend quality time with people that you enjoy being around.
hope this helps.
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