A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Me and my girlfreind have been together for almost 4 years, she was 5 months pregnant with our daughter when we met, she's 3 and we have a son, he is legally mines. Me and my gf fight a lot, I usually end up the only one trying to talk it out but all she does is blame me. She has an illegal habit that pulls her away from me all the time and now my trust is deminishing. She says she loves me and wants change but it's not going anywhere but down. I can't take it, I'm driving myself crazy, I provided everthing we now have and if I leave I am homeless with only the clothes on my back. Most of all, my kids I don't want to leave like that and if I did I fear I would not be able to see them. It is love and fear that I am still here. What should I do? I'm so frustrated and torn up. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, salvadda  +, writes (2 May 2009):
 Dear Sir,
This is a very serious matter, regarding an "illegal habit" that you mentioned. This to me is the most important part in your letter. This is the root of all your family's problem.
I do want to say to say to you that I understand how difficult this is for you and your children, also your wife. The children of which are the most inportant above all. They are young and they do/can't understand so this would effect them the most.
I am suggestion with great respect and being honest also that you do get your wife into counselling. Even if she does not agree it must be done. Not only for her sake but the sake of yourself and your children.
I will say this to you. If she is found out or caught you will loose your children. You knowing and not taking action the authorites would know/be aware you were well aware of what was going on regarding her habit...*what ever it may be* Please don't think I am trying to scare you. I am trying to help you understand what will happen so you can be made aware of the issues that will come up.
I don't know where you live but you can in most states get a *warrant for action* in seeking help for you wife. If you are not sure or afraid go talk with doctor about this matter. You wife can be given the choice to go to rehab. really it is not a choice. If it is not taken they might take the children in an order of protection.
I can tell by your letter that you love your children, and are stressed regarding the situation. You do not have to leave your children. I was suggest you talk with your wife first of all. Explain to her in a non confrontational way, as calmly as you can. What you would like to see happen as far as her getting help. Explain to her that if she doesn't want to get help your worry regarding your children will give you no choice but to seek out taking custody of your children for their protection.
You need not worry about being kicked out. I do believe you are truly worried/concerned over this matter. I might add not only does this bring stress to your life, but also to your children. You may think they are too young to understand words. I can say this to you with true intentions of helping you to understand. Children even at that age do not not need to understand only words. Children have the ability of feeling tension. Children do have a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a many things such as arguing, tone of voice, and can even understand body language at times.
I do not say these things to frighten you. I say them to you in hopes of giving some hope for yourself/ wife, and your children. You wife if she does get help can over come this problem. I would suggest to you if she agrees and I pray that she does, she will also need your support. You will need to let her know that you do love her, and will be there for her. This is very inportant in her recovery also. Also if and when she over comes this never throw this fact back at her in times of stress. This might make go into land slide and recess *temporary withdrawal* from her recovery.
I hope some of the info. I have given you will help. I want to stress to you please don't give up hope. Before doing anything try to go and talk with a doctor/counsellor and explain what I have wrote to you. They can better help you and help you go in the right direction.
Many ppl have over come such problems as yourself so I can say to you with honesty that there is hope for you. People with the same problem as you have overcome and begun a new/better life...........my prayers are with you
Take care & good luck
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