A
female
age
30-35,
*aybaybay_x
writes:It's been a while since I've had a good conversation, it's been a while since I was sure I'd make plans and they would actually follow through. It's been a while since I've had this feel as I've started college. Everyone in my class is 2 years younger than me. I speak to them and their nice but I've realised, I have no one my age to hang out with. I speak to no one that's my age. All the friends I HAD were not good friends. I learned this when I left school.I'm not on half term. (A week off colllege) and I've not been out once. Even worse how my family are not nice to be around and I share a room with both my teen sisters. I've been nowhere and its bothering me so much. Nothing is wrong with me. I've been making plans all week, just to see them being moved to next week, I'm so tired of this and went through something like this In the summer, and promised myself I would never sit around like this again.The worst part is my mum laughs at me for sitting at home because I used to be so out going and she makes it worse by refusing to give me money, only when she knows I'm going to college.And when I ask, I have to beg her like I'm a homeless person. Until she knows I'm good and upset. Then she'll turn around and give me. I will be starting my part time job in November but until then she's the only source of money I have .I feel like I'm just wasting my time. I can't say "at least this week's been okay" it hasn't and my days are always the same. I haven't felt like I've done something fun for a long time and its getting me down. I feel like I'm being punished for something :(
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female
reader, Abella  +, writes (28 October 2011):
 It can be very tough growing up and especially if you find that so called "friends" were not friends at all. But that is to your credit, to identify people as not as genuine as you thought, originally. But a lesson well learned that will make you stronger in the future.
And you miss some good friends.
We make friends but they need nurturing. Some people like to think (or even claim) that they have hundreds of friends.
That is a myth.
They have acquaintances. Who really do not know them.
Real friends spend personal time with us. We visit their home and they visit our home. Real friends are people who you would drop everything to support a friend facing an emergency.
We share books, recipes, dreams and discuss fears.
We know their favoritie colors, flowers, places, films. And they know ours.
If you have one really good friend you are lucky.
Two really good genuine friends you are blessed.
Three utterly supportive wonderful good friends who are there for you? Always? Cherish them.
But increase the numbers and you cannot give as much time to all of them.
Then they start to become acquanintances.
"äir kissing" and followFriday does not make them really genuine real live friends unless they qualify on other levels detailed above.
And making real friends takes time.
And sometimes you may lose a friend. It happens.
Unreliable people who consistently break plans are not friends.
Join some groups on campus or in the community where there are others who are closer in age to you.
Before you start berating yourself for feeling this way I hope you will take this suggestion in good faith. It is said in good faith. But I was wondering how long it is since you have a complete medical? And discussed the possibility of depression with your doctor?
It is not rare to get occasional depression. In fact one in four people will, at some stage in their life, experience symptoms of illnesses that require such assistance. The real tragedy is when they fail to get help from a Doctor and become more ande more miserable. That is not OK because depression is a treatable illness. And if afflicted by depression it can over-shadow everything in your life. And yet it is treatable.
I am very sorry that your family are not nice to be around. Sharing with two younger sisters must indeed be a challenge. Just remind yourself that it is not forever.
Plan an activity that relies on one truly reliable person. I know it will be difficult to convince this truly reliable person to visit some interesting places. Bravely, alone. And I mean you. It is challenging but if you visit the art gallery or the museum a few times. And have a coffee afterwards, then you may be surprised to see how many people regularly do visit alone, but then start up a conversation with the (safe looking) stranger. And learn something. And thensay good bye and move on. They are friends for a moment. And then you part. But talking in this way will build your confidence.
So will joining a Public Speakers Group. It is a good skill to have. And it will improve your confidence in you.
I am so happy for you that you are starting a job soon. Safe some of the money every week. Then you will have a small nest egg for later.
Then your Mother will never have to help you out again. I am sorry that she is being mean to you.
Try to be more amenable around your Mother. It is impossible, I known. Mothers seem so out of touch at times. But mothers are often wiser than you think. And have big shoulders to lean on.
I would also recommend that you start a journal. Try to keep it where pesky teenage sisters will never find it. Just a tiny booklet that you can hold in your hand. And write in Dot Points about each issue of the day and how you survived it and what you did well. Nothing negative. After a few months of writing your precis "positive journal" I think you will start to feel even better about how often you do well in your life.
If there is any kind of volunteer project in your area then consider occasionally volunteer to join it. The existing participants will love that you have joined.
Find out what hobbies you can learn about in your area and consider learning one or two new sklls.
Very Best Wishes to you in the future.
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