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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: So this is a long question but I really dont know what to do and i need some major help before i make a decision ill regret.Background story: I used to have feeling for this one girl, but she was a train wreck because she recently (then) got out of a relationship, and it wasnt nice. I told her how i felt but she said she didnt want anymore relationships of any kind. After that we fell apart and stopped talking. Now: Last summer I hit it off with this beautiful, funny, sweet girl, who made me fall for her head-over-heels. I was crazy about her, still am! We've been dating for 13 and a half months now. And Im happy with her, i cant see my life with anyone else but her. We've planned out our whole life together. Except now we're both going into Uni and im starting to have doubts and my insecurities are coming to light. A couple of weeks ago I found out that id be working with the girl who i had feelings for a couple of years ago. We started talking again and things hit off on a good note for us. My girlfriend knows about our history and how we're working at the same job, but she doesnt know that ive been talking to her, or that we've been having shifts together. And I started developing sexual feeling for this girl, friends with benefits sort of. And Im afraid that any day soon im gonna sleep with her. The girl im with now is my first girlfriend. Until her i was never interested in dating, and i just flirted with girl and dint care about something more meaningful! So my girlfriend also ended up being the person i lost my virginity to. The sex has been okay, not the best, but not the worst. But now its almost done with a "Be happy it happened at all" attitude. And we never do it anywhere except for my place. And the thing is is that i dont really care for her body, or the sex. I love her for her. But this other girl, shes got my sex drive going. Shes got a perfect body and i want to do thing to her...she's unleashing my inner beast and i cant help it. And i dont want to lose her and ehat i have with her over sex, but i cant help but slowly push towards sex with this other girl. What should i do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2012): "But now the sex is almost done with a 'Be happy it happened at all' attitude."
Bad sign.
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (22 August 2012):
 It sounds to me this is a classic case of young person, whose only had 1 relationship, wants to play the field a bit before they settle down. Both men and women go through this, and it is very common when they go away to college/Uni.
You have to decide what you want more basically - do you want to be with your girlfriend for the foreseeable future? Will you be happy settling down with her when you have only ever had sex with her?
Or do you want to experience other women before you settle down with one person? If that is the case you have to be prepared to let your girlfriend go, and realise that if you let her go now you wont get her back.
It is a red flag to me that you dont find your girlfriend particularly attractive, you say you dont care for her body and that is a VERY bad thing. If this is the girl you are going to spend your life with, then you will be looking at that body every day for the next 60+ years, you better like that body otherwise you are screwed! The person you choose to spend the rest of your life with should be the most beautiful girl you have ever seen in your opinion, you should be physically attracted to her as well as the personality side of things.
Sex is important in a relationship, as much as people might deem you shallow for leaving someone because of sex at the end of the day it is what keeps a relationship healthy. Without physical attraction and good sex the intimacy fades away, you become close friends instead of lovers.
At the end of the day it is up to you - but if you are planning a future with someone you are not very attracted to and dont really enjoy sex with, then you are basically setting yourself up to fail. You need both the physical and emotional sides of your relationship to be fulfilled to make a relationship last, and if one is missing then it will come to a messy end.
This other girl clearly is not right for you either, she only fulfils the physical side of your needs - but it does show you that neither girl in your life is giving you everything you need.
Think carefully about this, but in my opinion it sounds like you will be best going to Uni single so you can have a bit of fun and worry about settling down later. Yes you will have to let a great girl go, but there will be other great girls that come along and you will find one girl one day who unleashes your 'inner beast' and who meets your needs emotionally as well.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (22 August 2012):
Even if things worked out in such a way that you end up with your past crush, I'm pretty sure that sex will turn out the same way. The way you are thinking about sex, makes it overrated. A lot of people actually do end up in these situations. The idea here is to ask yourself "Why ruin a good thing?". Chances are if you engage with your crush, things will work out for the worst. Not only will you be cheating but you risk emotional back lash from either girls and generally, things that you aren't thinking about which involve the future. Not even a distant future but a future that asks, "what happens after I have sex with my crush". If you do end up cheating, at least understand all the things that may or may not happen, not to mention things you haven't even thought of. Skim through this site and you'll read hundreds of questions from people admitting that they cheated, want no bad comments yet want advice.
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