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Men: When you have sex, how often are you thinking of someone that you're not with?

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Question - (22 August 2012) 9 Answers - (Newest, 22 August 2012)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

These questions are mostly for men but women can feel free to answer as well:

1. When you have sex with your gf or wife, how often do you picture another woman in your head while doing it?

2. Who are they? (friends, women you saw on the street, celebrities?)

I'm just curious about it because when I have sex with my bf, I never think about anyone else. I do fantasize about other men but never while I'm having sex. I know that guys do it a lot more (spank bank etc) and I'm just curious about the extent.

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A male reader, doublejack United States +, writes (22 August 2012):

1. This has only ever happened to me when I'm not that attracted to the person I'm with. I don't get into relationships that start out that way, but I've had a couple of ex's put on considerable weight to the point that I was no longer turned on by them. The result was I'd have difficulty staying erect, so I fantasized about other women to remain excited. In both of those cases the relationships ended in large part because of the loss of attraction.

2. I resorted to using celebrities mostly when I had to do this. The exception was when I started developing a crush on a coworker. I began to fantasize about her, and later when the relationship I was in ended I pursued the coworker.

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A male reader, sunilal India +, writes (22 August 2012):

in my case it is even. most time I am focused on my wife. but again several a time I used to think her of as other women. to list a few, her sister,my aunt, our neighbor, one of my close friend ... and yeah thats it.

but I told her at times this happens. she was not happy about it but later when I told her I am not doing it purposefully but fantasies just enter in our mind and it is like a dream. we can not decide what dream we will see tonight and go for a sleep.

I am not sure this is a lone problem or is it due to I am unsatisfied(sub conscious mind) with her.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2012):

1) Almost never. I was in a relationship with a woman at one time who I didn't find very attractive and I would sometimes think about other women when I was with her. After that, I decided not to get involved with anyone I was not really attracted to.

2) Very rarely I do have a passing thought about someone else, it's about a porn star or someone else I don't actually know.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2012):

I personally make it a point not to think of anyone, but my girlfriend. I find that by doing that I am even more attracted to her. I also don't masturbate, I let the angst build. My gf and I have epic sex as a result.

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A female reader, person12345 United States +, writes (22 August 2012):

person12345 agony auntMy boyfriend has Aspergers and answers me pretty bluntly on these things if I ask. He could be lying, but I will tell you what he said.

#1: Once or twice, to try it out. He decided he didn't like it because it pulls him out of the moment. He also doesn't fantasize during masturbation (but will beforehand) because again, pulls him away from the moment.

#2: Scarlett Johansen because he liked the way her butt looked in Lost in Translation. He threw in that he felt it was a violation of privacy to think of people he knew.

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (22 August 2012):

Sageoldguy1465 agony aunt

I always date women named "Shirley" so that, when I fantasize about Shirley MacLain during coitus I don't yell out a (the) wrong name....

Several years back,... I dated a girl who had trouble remembering my name from amongst her many conquests. I handled the "problem" by posting a sign on the ceiling over my bed... which sign read, "His name is Dan"

Have fun.....

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2012):

After someone volunteered the rather shocking information, that he could only have sex with his current partner if he fantasized he was with his ex girlfriend. It got me to thinking. And i asked a couple of guys the same question you are posing.

One said he generally stayed in the zone with his girlfriend. But sometimes he fantasized about past sexual exploits with his ex while having sex with his partner. He said it enhanced things for him. The second guy said he pretty much fantasized all the time that it was his sister in law he was making love to and not his wife.

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A male reader, DoubleM United States +, writes (22 August 2012):

DoubleM agony auntAnswer to #1: Rarely if ever. #2: Inapplicable in my case.

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A male reader, dougbcoll United States +, writes (22 August 2012):

dougbcoll agony aunt to be honest i just think of my wife. i don't want anyone else to be making love too. i wrap my thoughts, and emotions into her. i put all of my energy into her.

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