A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Good evening, morning, afternoon, wherever you are in the world reading this :) A special message to 'wise owl', I always value your advice to other posters, so would appreciate if you have time to give this a read :)I am after some genuine advice, stories and your personal experiences and insight into romantic soulmate relationships/acquaintances. I believe I may have met mine, back in the summer.There was instant attraction and curiosity, we both felt the same, as it turned out. For me, it felt like I just wanted to know more about him, he interested and intrigued me on many levels, mentally, emotionally, sexually, and spiritually. Something no-one has ever done before, not even my first love. We started out as acquaintances and gradually became more friendly. There was just something about him I wanted to know more of. A few remarks were made by some of my friends that they could see something clearly between us, but at the time I believe we were just friends, but at the same time i had this magnetism towards him, and just wanted to know more about him and spend time with him talking! He was so interesting!!Anyway, at the end of the summer, infact the very day he went back to university (not too far away :just 60 miles) I expressed my attraction towards him. And it turns out he had felt the same way all summer. So we began a LDR. I am 33, he is 21, the age gap being 11.5 years, but the age gap didn't matter to either of us, we both felt we were perfect for one another.The first 2-3 weeks were intense....phone conversations til 4:30am some nights!! There was so much to say, and we had so much in common, conversion flowed, we had similar interests, we both had a fascination for the same foreign country that we both had been to many times, we had very similar beliefs, and even similar quirks, we were on exactly the same wavelength! i had not felt this way for about 10 years, we both were extremely happy we had found one another, I couldn't stop smiling. Going about my daily life, it was like i saw everything with fresh eyes and ears again, i listened to the words more in love songs, and was generally more upbeat, i felt like a child again, everything seemed so fresh - if that even makes sense!? I looked to the future and everything seemed positive and as though i had someone to share it with.Not that this matters (to me at least) but we were at different stages in our lives, I had just bought my first property alone earlier this year, and was establishing my career to secure my future, and he was studying in his final year at uni, at the same time doing some work related training, as kind of a passion/hobby/back up/alternate route to his degree. I told him from the beginning that I understand uni is hard and can be pressurising, and he reminded me of the cost per year to study, so I knew uni would have to be a priority for him, and he appreciated my understanding.We talked about how often we would see each other, and initially (me being overly optimistic) I suggested once a week, (just to put it out there lol!) i thought that may be a little unrealistic, which it was! so we agreed every 2 weeks, once we get settled into a routine. But we both knew that we wouldn't be able to meet up for 1 month, initially anyway, due to having things pre-booked months in advance, i.e. work, and work related training. We continued the phone calls, and the interest level both sides seemed intense, and everything just felt right, as he put it. It was wonderful, he is perfect, we admitted we were both falling for one another.Fast forward to the weekend when we were supposed to be meeting up...he had an important work related presentation to do on the sunday, so decided he would prepare for it on the friday evening so we could spend all day saturday together. However, his computer decided to play up which resulted him being up all night and the majority of saturday fixing it, and then preparing for the presentation. It was very unfortunate, with the timing how it turned out. I was sympathetic and understanding, but since we had built meeting up in our minds, I tried to suggest various ways we could meet up, even briefly, especially seeing as though he was just 30 mins drive away! This meeting was so important though, as it was infront of hundreds of people, that it had to be sorted before anything. So we didn't meet that weekend.Looking back, part of me wonders whether we weren't supposed to be together 'just yet'. He is a big believer in signs of the universe and fate,etc, and he's really got me into the more depthful spiritual side of life... the fact we both had all summer as friends, and then the very day we decided to be a couple he moved away, and then had stuff on for the following few weekends, and then the computer issue!The following few weeks, there seemed to be a slight change from his side...fewer phone calls, fewer messages, and generally less enthusiasm. When we did speak, it was all good, and it felt good again, but something didn't seem the same. I brought it up a couple of times, and both times he told me i had nothing to worry about and that he wouldn't want to give up on what we had, he said he had not been emotionally connected with anybody for 3 years, and looking back for me it was longer. Although I had a boyfriend earlier that year, it was nothing like the depth of this new relationship with this lovely, wonderful, amazing guy. We both had intense feelings for one another. However, he did mention he had this deep fear that he worried he couldn't spend the time with me that i deserved, and couldn't just pop round for a cup of tea, or whatever, especially with me initially hoping we could meet more frequently. I reassured him (at least though i did) and said i understood his uni commitments, i had been there myself, and knew how stressful it can be. On top of this he was doing some very intense work training which involved being assessed, and again I knew exactly the stress involved as i had been there myself as it is the same line of work I am in. He appreciated my understanding and we left the phone call on a positive note.However, the next 2-3 weeks, things really changed. Messages became really infrequent, and less depthful, and we hadn't spoke on the phone for over a week. in my mind I tried to believe it was because of his busy schedule, something which he was trying to adapt to after going back to uni, in his final (And very stressful) year, along with all his work training and assessments. i had lots of things to keep me occupied, work, decorating, seeing family and friends, and general day to day stuff, but at the back of my mind, he was always there, and i missed our long phone conversations.Anyway, we finally scheduled a phone call in, to which he sounded really down, and he told me his feelings towards me had changed. I could not believe it. After the intensity of everything. We were so well matched and so right, and emotionally deep. He was literally everything, and much, much more than I had ever dreamed of. He just said, he doesn't understand why, and it had happened with a previous girlfriend, but his feelings had changed. He said there are still 'some' feelings there, but not enough for a relationship. And for him, relationships are the most important thing in his life, out of everything:where he lives, how much money he has, material things, etc, his relationships are no 1 to him, and that feelings should be consistent. He mentioned in passing, how he sensed I came across as 'desperate' to meet up...he said he couldn't think of the right word, i don't think he quite meant desperate, but he couldn't think of another word. This was about 6 weeks ago. Since then we have remained friends, occasionally (once a week) sending each other a message online to ask how the other one is and to catch up etc.This last couple of weeks, the messages have been more relaxed and natural and 'good', just nice and relaxed and easy, which i'm happy about, There doesn't seem to be any aw
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2015): Thank you for the comments so far :)
He is very mature for his age though, and to the person replying who mentioned about the age difference, I understand where you're coming from, and I initially was concerned about the age difference when we first met but as we got to know each other I realised it didn't matter at all.
To the poster who has read it twice, thank you for your time! I know it was a long one lol! Yes we have met, we spent all summer as friends, in person, and then he had to go back to uni.
Thanks again for your replies.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2015): I have just read your post twice. I can't find in any part of it that says you have both met in real life. Am I missing simething here? I don't mean to sound rude at all. It just sounds to me like you have been chatting online and on the phone and havent moved to the next stage yet.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2015): I think he is being honest with you. He told you he sensed kind of desperation from you to meet up.. Because you liked him you made the effort to meet him and make it easy for both of you. I appreciate the fact he is honest and doesn't want to play with your feelings.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2015): before wise owl drops any of his sanguine thoughts on you i might as well let you know that at first glance this looks like a holiday romance taken to far.Youve built him up to be something he is not and poor lad that he is ,he doesnt have the maturity to be what you want him to be.He is already feeling stifled and needs to dissolve the friendship.you are probably nearer his mums age than his and although a bit of flirtation and chatting is a welcome relief for you both you are not the age or development to be his true soul mate.if he wanted to get married and have kids he simply doesnt have time ,nor do you ,as children are not usually born after the age of forty.NOR CAN HE BE THE OTHER THINGS HE THINKS YOU WOULD LIKE HIM TO BE.so let him go,drop him entirely from your social circle and get on and make new more sanguine plans.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2015): Op here: for some reason my post had been cut (I know it was long :s )
... To finish: nice relaxed and friendly messages the last couple of weeks and he is back at Xmas. We will most limes see each other with work, which he seems open to and ok about. It's a good improvement to 6 weeks ago when things seemed on the awkward side, and I still want to have him in my life in some way.
I'm just unsure as to what to do next, as ultimately I would like for us to give things a go, as we didn't really give it chance originally.
I guess I'm after outsiders perspectives, to see whether it sounds as though he really has lost feelings for me, or whether there may be hope in the future for us...and what I should do. Thank you in advance and merry Xmas everyone :)
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A
female
reader, Dear Renai +, writes (5 December 2015):
Hey,
I just read your story and wow.. you must of gone through a lot. it is hard to have something so significant in your life taken away from you drastically but maybe things happen for a reason. it seems that both you and him were at busy points in your lives and balancing a busy daily routine while maintaining a relationship can be difficult. feelings will still be raw but as they say time is a great healer, surround yourself with friends & family, why not try a something new! Also remember there is ALWAYS a soul mate for everyone, so don't become surrounded by what happened before but experience what can happen now and hey you never know your future soul mate might just be around the corner ;)
Ren x
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