A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend asked me to marry him last Christmas and although I said yes at the time, I broke it off in February when I found out he had been talking to other girls online. I agreed to stay if he was open and honest about everything that went on, and that he showed me the messages.We got through it and I thought we were going well until he asked me to marry him again on my birthday. (Late July). I told him I couldn't give him answer while I was still unsure about us due to the messages and the fact it hadn't even been 6 months yet since I found out. Last month I found out I was pregnant, and while it wasn't planned, it is a welcoming surprise. I'm only 9 weeks currently but I felt like we were heading in the right direction. Things have been great between us since my birthday when I think he finally realised how I felt when he was talking to other women. It may not of been cheating but it was an act of being dishonest.I was really looking forward to Christmas but my sister has said that my boyfriend is making not so small hints at proposing again, but in front of my parents and his too on Christmas eve as he has invited them all over for a meal as we will be spending the day with my older sister and her family. He has asked her if he thinks it would be a good idea to ask my dad's permission this time, and what size stone would finally do it. I've asked him about it and he says he was joking but I don't believe it. I'm not ready for marriage but as our family don't know why we truly broke it off (I didn't feel they needed to know so we told them we had rethought it all), I wouldn't be able to say no in front of them.I'm not sure if I should cancel the meal just in case or if I'm being a bit crazy due to pregnancy hormones.HELP!!
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 December 2015):
 You have turned him down twice now, both times with good reason, writing to other girls is just another form off cheating, it might not be physical but the intention is their. So you should wait until you are completely sure he has changed and that you can trust him. If he is planning to propose to you in front of everyone then in my eyes he is doing this to try and trap you and he is not caring about how you feel or what you want. I think you should tell him you are not ready, if he goes ahead and proposes anyway well then I think it is time you tell your loved ones why the wedding was called off and get some support from them, especially now that you are pregnant, you need to be surrounded by loved ones, not someone who is looking to trap you. Best of luck.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2015): I suspect your boyfriend is planning to propose in front of both sets of parents in order to put you in a position where it would be very difficult to turn him down. If so, that is a HUGE red flag and I would do everything possible to disabuse him of that notion, and that includes cancelling the meal if necessary.
He sounds like a controlling, manipulative jerk who is very likely to cheat on you if he hasn't already. Very unfortunate that in any event you're going to be stuck with him for the next eighteen years as a co-parent, but don't make a potentially bad situation worse by allowing him to railroad you into a marriage you're not ready for by playing on your families' emotions.
Your concerns are quite valid and you should trust your instincts.
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