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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: My best friend has recently told me she has deeper feelings than friendship for me. It was a little weird to hear it from her but I told her that I am straight and don't contemplate being with another girl because I am straight. Although I appreciate her greatly as my friend, someone I value as close as I would my sister. The only thing is, that I think I may have feelings for her too but I'm not sure. I have had a really rough month because I was diagnosed earlier this month with clinical depression and I haven't really been able to take on board any other emotions because it tends to complicate things.I have always loved my best friend and I miss her, unbelievable when we are not together but it is like she said to me she only wants to be with me when she is single and I think I might possibly feel the same way. I don't like the idea of having feelings for my best friend, it's werid! I have never had lesbian thoughts so what the hell is going on with me? I love men and have been meeting new people. My last relationship really hurt me as my boyfriend left me for the same best friend who now fancies me but she never got with him and in fact once she found out went ape and deleted him from her life. I just feel a little confused.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2008): I would just try and ignore the problem, and just let things develop naturally. Don't feel like you have to make a decision about this, if you're not sure whether you want to have a relationship with her, then just wait and see what happens. Do what feels right, without worrying about being labelled a 'lesbian'. You can't help who you fancy, just wait and see what happens.
A
female
reader, deejuliet  +, writes (18 March 2008):
 Sometimes when someone tells us they like us we develope feelings for them that didnt exist before, simply because they said they like us. We feel flattered at their admiration and cant help but start to return it. This usually is a male/female thing, but in this case it is your female friend telling you how she feels and you are responding to it. When someone tells you they like you, this makes you feel good inside. You then begin to interprate those good feelings are reciprocol feelings towards the other person. This opens you up to having a relationship with them which can lead to real feelings developing. I think that that is all that is happening here. You are flattered at her attentions and she is already someone you care deeply about, so you are developing 'feelings' in return that may or may not be real. You are at an especially vulnerable time right now, you have had a rough month as you said, and some recent bad romantic experiences. I do not think that you are necessarily a lesbian, or bi. I think you are responding to love with love. Dont rush into anything with this young lady, as I do think these feelings will pass, especially once you meet a new guy. If the feelings persist for a long time though, you could proceed with caution. Be careful. You dont want to mess with her heart either.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2008): Personally, after reading this and seeing your age, I think you are just confusing some pretty strong feelings of love for your female friend as the possibility you might have sexual feelings for her as well....or worry that it means that, but it doesn't. At your age your hormones are all over the place and it can really mess with your head and your emotions...I think you really just care very much for your girlfriend, as a friend....and that is what you can say to her, tell her you love her if you must, but you love her as a friend only....I think if you try to experiment with sex with her, it will end up ruining your friendship as I don't think this is you, you love men, you have never been attracted to girls, one friend doesn't change that....so don't be confused.
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A
male
reader, Uncle Trev  +, writes (18 March 2008):
This is a difficult one as you have here strong feelings of friendship alongside the development of some physical feelings too.
I once confused these types of feelings with a girl who I had known for all my life. We had grown up together and she was much more like a sister to me. One evening when I was about your age we were alone together and things went a little too far regarding a snog and some sexual contact.
We both pulled away from each other as it just did not feel right - I cannot explain why - it just felt wrong for both of us.
If you were to take things a little further it may not feel right for you either but at least you will know.
There is always the possibility of bisexuality but it doesn't sound like it from what you have written. I suppose at your age you are still discovering your sexuality somewhat and as time progresses you will once again be more sure of your feelings.
If your friend is someone you trust and curiousity gets the better of you then there is nothing wrong with proceeding with caution.
If it feels right then go with it - go with what feels right and natural for you.
Don't jeopodise your friendship though - nothing is worth that.
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