A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Sex has always been an issue in our marriage. I've always wanted it more than my wife and it'll often only happen if I initiate it.But I find I'm quite sulky about it at times. If she says no I'll become moody and if she says yes, I'll sometimes say something during it (like that it's her fault we don't do it more often, etc.) and start an arguement and we end up not having sex, she gets upset and I feel like a bit of an idiot.I feel like a complete dick over the way I behave but I can't seem to help it. What the hell is wrong with me? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2010): What is wrong is that you are frustrated and bitter over a sex life you are not happy with. You are stuffing it up when you do get sex because you're unhappy you are not getting sex often enough.
As I am sure you are aware your actions in saying those things are counter productive! You are aware of it though so bite your tongue and don't say anything!
The side issue will remain though and that is that you are sexually frustrated. You may need to deal with that as well.
A
female
reader, FloridaGirl  +, writes (28 February 2010):
Seems you got your feelings hurt and now you are passively taking it out on her the second you are back in control. My boyfriend does this to me right now. He gets no affection and complains but the second he gets affection is the second he starts getting mean towards me. It's when he's in the moment of enjoying sex he gets angry over the fact he feels that he deserves to enjoy himself that way more often and isn't generally getting his needs met. The whole sexual experience tends to bring that to light.
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A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (28 February 2010):
 AS to what is "wrong" with you I couldn't say...maybe stress? Resentment of some sort? But, communicate your feelings to your wife. Don't go about it in an accusing, forceful, or frustrated manner. Makes sure too, that she's in a calm, content mood. Start out by taking her aside, tell her that you love her. Then, apologize for the way you've been acting. Really conversate. Ask her if you're doing anything wrong. Sometimes, because of work both inside and outside the house can stress a woman so much, sex just doesn't seem appealing anymore. Ask her if there's anything you can do to help. If the conversation progresses nicely, you can ask her if she's had any sexual fantasies...and then offer to make some come true. Be romantic with her, take a night off and just take her on "date." Hire a babysitter or somethng if you have kids. Have dinner, talk, and have some fun. Then, if it's at all possible, rent a room for the night and turn on the romance full scale, make love to her, don't have sex. basically, try to recapture the romance of earlier times but with a more mature theme. If this fails, maybe a counselor can help find out the underlying problem. Best of luck
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A
female
reader, AskAbi +, writes (28 February 2010):
 I think you should try to be romantic ?Like cook her a good meal or take her out then afterwards maybe put candles in the bathroom, run her a nice hot bath with rose petals or something... then afterwards, take her to the bedroom and try something new?If you do this in a romantic way she might feel that its love making instead of a quick shag.You dont have to be over the top all the time and do something special but start of slow and gental and get her in the mood! then she will think twice about wanted sex if its going to be like this (:If its not then i suggest maybe see a sex councler or something.And maybe you shouldn't say things like its her fault.And dont get sulky... its just sex... if she sees you being sulky she will get mad and will be put off having sex with you... Hope this has helpedBest of luckAskAbi
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A
female
reader, Libra1963  +, writes (28 February 2010):
 Sounds like you both need to communicate more with each other. There is clearly a problem. Consider a session with a councellor.
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