A
female
age
41-50,
*iane2015k
writes:Hi dear aunts and uncles,I need your advice for a simple situation that I Am not sure how to handle it because of my lack of experince in situations like this due to my past life. I really apprecite your help.I worked with my boss for some years, but in the last year we worked closer and he flirted hard with me. After passing months, I started to have feelings for .. ( my biggest mistake).We were in great terms but flirting never passed the level of flirting. We were in good terms when I was transferred to overseas branch for a month.When I came back, he started ignoring and avoiding me as well as flirting hard with the girl I had hired before my departure. I felt bad, but pretended nothing important had happened. The hard part was specially when he was excluding me in front of others which everyone could see he was ignoring me. I managed to pretend I did not feel bad, made sure the new girl doesn't think I am jealous of her, but made sure later I would not reply to any of his romantic stares and acts. I acted friendly the way I am with everyone with smile and kindness. For some time, he acted angry and mean which was making my life difficult at work. Recently, I can see that he has this game started with that girl and goes back and forth between me and her pretending he has interests in both of us to make her jealous to fight for him. He clearly knows that i'm not interested in him. What a jerk!I don't know what strategy I should have in this situation. I can't walk away from situation as we all work in one office. He just had a prostate removal surgery, if this helps. Please advise!
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at work, flirt, jealous, my boss Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Diane2015k +, writes (14 February 2015):
Diane2015k is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks very much for your advises, Auntie Honeypie and Auntie YouWish! It was so heart warming not to feel alone in a difficult situation like this. I followed your advises and kept ignoring him, even in 2 occasaions that he was staring at me for long I looked blankly in his eyes and asked " yes??!", which made him to come up with a question every time. I keep ignoring his attempts and act professional and very serious. I hope he can put himself together and end this. I used to be respectful and grateful towards him, but now is not easy to treat him with a respect a boss needs, although I should. :(
Thanks again and God bless you...
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (12 February 2015):
 I agree with Honeypie there...it's gone well past "Borderline" to be sure!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 February 2015):
 Just keep ignoring his "attempts" of flirtations with you, honestly if it happens when/where you can "just" walk away ( like claim to be busy some where else) I'd stick to that. What makes the situation hard is that HE is the boss of your office, so you can't full on ignore him, however HE is making the working environment hostile for you, and I guess at times for the other girl. So when you can't "ignore him" be super professional. No smiles and friendliness for him, just a hardworking co-worker.
Is it possible to switch to a different branch?
I DO get what YouWish is saying he is using flirtation and his little "let the chicks fight over me" games to make HIMSELF feel better.
But I also feel this is borderline inappropriate at work for him to "use" his employees as pawns in his sick little ego-rub games. I can also see that IF you take this to HR, he will make a claim that it's because you are jealous that you are NOW complaining as you had NO complaints before. Still I might consider talking to HR if the company is big enough, if for no other reason, to get a chance to move branch.
Not a fun position to be in.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (10 February 2015):
Do not bother with this guy. If you say that he's had prostate removal, then flirting I'm guessing is his way to self-medicate his own ego, which as you know is a big deal when it comes to a man's virility.
His life now is drastically different. Most likely He could be partially or fully impotent, most likely having to wear an adult diaper for his incontinence, performance is impaired or possibly nonexistent. Orgasm altered or nonexistent or even painful as hell.
Why do you think it never went beyond flirting, besides a possibility that he is married? (you didn't mention)
You must detach from the guy. I'd kinda feel a bit sorry for him, but I wouldn't let him know that. He is salving his ego by these flirt games. You don't need a guy like that. I think he needs to come to grips with what's happened to him in a better way than to act unprofessional at work with other women.
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