A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi I was wondering if you could help me. I split with my long term boyriend 2 years ago and we had been together 5 years and lived together. It was a very painful time for me and took me a while to get ove rit. I evetually moved to London and started seing some other guy - nothing serious though. Not long after this my ex come back and wanted to give things another go. I was confused and didnt really know if i wnated to do that or not as i went through so much pain the first time when we split. So i continued to see bot guys for a few weeks. My ex found out about this and I realised what i was doing was wrong so i ended things with the other guy and started getting back on rack woth my ex. Everything was going ok, we ended up moving in toghether and were getting on OK. Although he couldnt hack the fact i started seeing someone new when we split up. To my knowledge everything was OK. until a few weeks ago. We bumped into the guy i was seeing before and i totally blanked him. Ever since then my ex started being really hurtful, argumentative and cruel to me. Saying he loves me and wants to be with me but he cant as he doesnt trust me. I was in pieces the last few months. I lost a baby too in December and due to everything that had happened i didnt tell my ex until 3 months later and he then didnt believe that it was his. He has said some really nasty things to me calling me a slag and all sorts of horrble things. 2 weeks ago i came home from work to find he had taken our TV and and PC leaving me a note. He left me with no money knowing i will struggle to pay the rent and bills and I had also booked a holiday too which he wont give me the money for. I ave been struggling the past 2 weeks living on next to nothing and borrowing money from friends to get by until i get paid. I am even having to look for new flats to live as i cannot afford where i am living on my own. I wont be able to get a deposit either to even move. I cnt find anyone else to go on the holiday with me. My ex has deleted me from facebook and apparantly is going out and having a great time up north at his mams - where we are both from. I am in London on my own. I have been begging and pleading with him to come back to me just like i did the first time. I jsut dont know how he can do this to me again. I feel like he is trying to destroy me and my life. H ehated the fatc I had moved on and was ok with being without him and managed to start a new life. The problem is is i love him deeply and really want us to be toghether we have been together nearly 7 years and I felt I had a life with him and a future. I think he has commitment issued which stem from his father which is why when something happens in his life that he feels he cant face he runs away like a coward. I think he must think that with eliminating me out of his life must eliminate the problem as he cant trust me. I have been phoning him begging him to come back and asking to rethink things. And all he says it will never work as much as we love each other. I dont know what to do. I want to be with him so badly it hurts me. I cry literally everyday and keep praying he will come back again like last time. I am fretting over everything, where to live how to pay my bills, wat he is upto and if he is getting with other girls. I am going out of my mind.He is coming back to London on Friday and said he will come and collect his things and will look for a house share or new flat. I rally really love him and what he had was really special. I know we are made for each other and I know deep down he loves me. I jsut dont know what to do or how to get him back. I feel the same as i did the first time we split. I really dont know what to do at all. I am worried about him being up north as his mates all hate me completely and constantly say bad things about me. I am worried they will persuade him to leave me or to do this or that to keep away from me. I just dont know how I am suppsoed to act or feel.I dont want to be without him and the relationship we once had was beautiful. He did anything to get me back the first time so I am praying he will do the same again. I think men seem to think out of sight out of mind and ignore their feelings where women deal with theirs staightaway. I am hoping if i leave him alone and get on with things in my life and give him space he will want me back again. I am going out of my mind.I would literally do anything to get him back. He keeps sayng its all my fault because i cheated on him. Although i was seeing another guy i was totally confused and didnt know what i wanted as i was scared to fully commit to my ex in case he potentially left me again. I stuck with my ex and i have been through so much crap the last year or so, losing a baby, putting up with his jibes and paranoia. I dont know how to get through this again, i dont think i have the emotional strength to get through it.What do you think i should do to get him back? What steps should i take - at the moment he wont even speak to me and if he does he just says nasty things. He is coming back to london on friday and i dont know what to say or do, i dont want to beg him to stay with me and i dont want to push him away. What should i do? Thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, woowoo83 +, writes (19 July 2010):
 sorry to hear your hurting so much.it sounds like he didn't like you being happy, and got jealous, but his own insecurities and paranoia got the better of him so he took it out on you, and sounds like he has been punishing you emotionally and verbally.he also sounds selfish, leaving you with no money and bills to pay. i think he may have come back to you as he loves you, but sometimes love isn't enough to sustain a relationship. you have to have trust and respect, theres a huge lack of this on his part. you are not a slag at all! i think your best off without him to be honest, do you want to be someone who will treat you so disgracefully for the rets of your life? you deserve better! but if you are adament about getting him back, don't chase him, men don't like that, they like to chase. hope this kinda helps x
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