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What should you do if you love your uncle?

Tagged as: Family, Forbidden love, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 August 2008) 10 Answers - (Newest, 20 August 2008)
A female United States age 30-35, *ari1 writes:

what should you do if you love your uncle?

if you know its true love and you alredy

tried to back away but you just cant

because you know its true love but forbidden

what are the consequenses for this act?

and can you like be together?

and if you know or have any suggestions please tell

me asap

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A female reader, babewithbrains United Kingdom +, writes (20 August 2008):

babewithbrains agony auntDon't even go there. Ow! It would be tears before bedtime on a major scale!

You can love your uncle the same way you should love your parents. You shouldn't (for lack of a better word) "fancy" them. I'm afraid that your uncle is a know go area - you can't have a relationship - the laws are there for a reason.

Genes (DNA etc) are separated into pools.

A gene pool is what makes living organisms what they are. You are a pool of your mum and your dad, your grandparents etc etc. Your uncle is pool of your grandparents etc. IE you mix.

If you mix the same genes together, you get kids with disorders, dodgy brains, deformed limbs, everything mothers pray (or variations) that their baby won't have.

Very messsy. As for your reputaion as a citezen, well. The media will love you, that's for sure. I'm not to sure about you yanks but it's ILLEGAL to have sex with your siblings, but not your uncle. BUT:

It is very strongly advised against.

It increases chanses of mental and physical disorders.

Use your head, not your heart - your head does way more.

Jelly

xxx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2008):

This is a serious situation. How old is your uncle? May I ask why you are in love with your uncle? And have you already had sex with him? What is it about him that has made you fall in love with him? Please answer these questions so I can advise you on what to do.

If you are going to pursue a relationship with him, it could have serious consequences if you are open about it. Best thing you could do it keep it a secret until you are an adult (17 in some states, 18 in most others). You should also check the laws to see if it would be legal to marry your uncle. In some states, this would be incest.

If you have already had sex with your uncle and anyone finds out, your uncle could go to jail for sex with a minor. So I would NOT tell anyone, not even your closest friends. Please post back here and let us know if our replies have been helpful, or if you have more questions about what to do.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2008):

It is not illegal to love someone. No matter if they are related or not.

There are reasons that unions like these are illegal and that is because knowing what we now know of genetics it would be irresponsible to WILLINGLY risk creating a life-form that has a high-probability of irreversible disease.

It is also because as an uncle, he is SUPPOSED to be trusted with you well-being and trusted to not act upon any form of sexual feeling that he may incur (and related or not almost every man who isn't gay would feel some sexual feeling towards an attractive woman... it's immediate and one pishes it away easily if one wants to).

So while you may feel more then family love towards him, I'd advise keeping it close to the vest and never speakign of it and filing it away with what are to be many un-requited loves and missed opportunities and lost dreams.

Find someone to love who doesn't have the burden of family or duty to law to worry about.

If need be speak to a counselor, who are trained to deal with these things.

Flynn 24

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2008):

love your uncle?? are you two involved in a sexual relationship?? your only 16 , how long have you been involved?? your parents brother should be a trusted adult not someone who will sleep with minors. has he taken advantage of you?? it is not only wrong .if this has been happening for quite some time you may be mistaking dependancy for love. it would technically be called molestation not love. ya at a young age sex feels good but unless your at same age range the emotions that happen are different and victims sometimes dont see themselves as such .think about how this began and conclude for yourself.

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A female reader, O Connor Ireland +, writes (20 August 2008):

O Connor agony auntwell you must know that it is wrong to be in love with a relative - and in alot of states it is illegal! does your uncle know about your feelings? has he reciprocated them? you need to back off and try and meet guys your age who ARE NOT related to you.

if he does know, you need to realise that he will be a shame in his family, you may be also, and that you are a minor and he may be charged.

if he does know about your feelings and you are both in love, then you both need to be prepared to deal with the consequences.

if he doesnt know, then dont tell him and move on. this is wrong and things like this should never be pursued.

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A female reader, PsyCookie United States +, writes (20 August 2008):

PsyCookie agony auntI'm sorry if anything I will say is offensive for you, but I'm trying to help as much as I can.

I will assume that your words are true. That you say you're in love with your uncle. But are you sure that your uncle loves you? You may think that your feelings are very strong for him, but when the other person doesn't love the other, they may see your love as almost ridiculous, specially when it's forbidden as this one.

I'm sorry, but if he does not give your love back he WILL be completely weirded out by your love (if you ever tell him).

It's illegal in the United States for the two of you to marry or for even co-exist as a couple. There's jail time for your uncle and possible jail time for you (it's unlikely since you're the minor). The only way for you to co-exist as a couple is to go to a remote country, change your names, never tell anyone of your blood relationship, and live there until you two are old.

Now, I'm not going to judge you, but PLEASE make sure that your uncle feels the same way as you do. You did not mention him in this post, which makes me think that he's not aware of your feelings. If he isn't, please don't tell him anything.

Not only you will get negative consequences from the law, but also from your family. You will get critisized and probably kicked out of your house. You and your uncle might even be considered a shame for the family. People will be really harsh on the two of you and not even understand why you two are together. There will be even some people who will think your uncle is controlling you.

But if you and your uncle do feel that the two of you are really in love, the only way you can stay together is by running away from the country and disapearing from the face of the earth.

But if your uncle does not feel the same way, I'm going to ask you to do the hardest thing you might have to do: to forget about him and seek therapy. By suggesting you therapy, I'm not saying that you're crazy, but that it will help you cope with the reality that you might never be able to be with your uncle.

Good luck and I wish you the best of everythig.

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A female reader, LilzDon'tKnow United States +, writes (20 August 2008):

LilzDon'tKnow agony auntThere are very serious consiquences

Including on his part;

He could be arrested and sent to prison or have a restraining order against you.

And for you;

No longer trust from your parents

and everyone at school would find out.

Not a very good deal.

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A female reader, Koira United States +, writes (20 August 2008):

Umm. . . It isn't true love. It's probably just infatuation or an love of a different kind but I don't think your in true, deep, love with your uncle. You should really seek therapy because your underage and that's statutory rape and it's incest. You should really talk with someone you trust about this [not your uncle] and honestly, it's your life. So. . . choose wisely.

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A female reader, 0924 Portugal +, writes (20 August 2008):

that happened to me also.. but it was with a cousin of mine.. i mean, i thought i loved him more than a family love loL.

and i know what you have is a forbidden love.. but we can NEVER stop our hearts.. we always gotta follow what it says.. although u go far away from him.. and forget him.. once u see him again, the love for him will always get back..

i think u should talk with him..

i just know that if u'r gonna have a child.. yall gonna have a baby that needs a special treatment or something..

i think u should go for it..

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A female reader, Ms.LoveDoctor United Kingdom +, writes (20 August 2008):

Wow this is tough. Well my honest opinion would be to stop immediately before you hurt yourself and your family. You're still young, honey. Think this over very carefully and prepare for the consequences you may have to face.

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