A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I had been married to Hindu girl. Before marriage, she got herself converted to Muslim and accepted Islam as per me and my guardian’s wishes.We got married on Jan ’08 and started staying ourselves ( only me and her ). She got pregnant within the first month of our marriage and all of us were very happy. But things started changing as the time progressed.I had been financing my in-laws since two years. Sometimes, if there is any delay to send money to her parents, she would start a quarrel with me saying that you are worried about your parents not mine. And I have no option just to console her.She started going to her home often giving excuse of her mother’s health condition and sometimes of her. If I questioned her regarding her paying visit to her mom often she would react more aggressive to me. Even on small matters she started to create a scene. To stop the quarrel there itself only, I usually used to ask her to give divorce to me if I am not keeping her happy. She would stop talking to me for a couple of days.And after its me who would bent down and console her.I want to mention that since she got pregnant, I had already cleared with her and my in-laws that the delivery would be at Chennai, for their place doesn’t have enough facilities. For eight full months, they were ok with my suggestion. They asked me to send their daughter to stay with them during the 7th and 8th month of their pregnancy. I also send her, against my guardian’s wishes, just to keep my wife happy during her last stage of pregnancy.She was supposed to come back by the beginning of the 9th month. Here all the drama started. She just kept delaying it day after day saying she will be coming the next day and next day. I got very much annoyed on it and asked her to come back by the 1st of Oct ( Eid day) or otherwise I don’t want to her come.When I call up on the morning of 1st, she said she will be coming by afternoon. Again when I called up at afternoon, to my surprise she just refused up to come to my place, saying she doesn’t want to deliver her baby there as her guardian wants to make her delivery at their place. Moreover, she does not trust me.After my repeated request, she came at night on that day on the condition she will go back to her mother as soon as she delivers. I just asked her to come back.I had already informed all this to my mom and dad regarding all this discussion, to which they were very annoyed.She came by evening, along with her parents. My parents asked my in-laws that what are their final plans, like whether they want her girl to live a normal life with me or not. Why they are bringing such situation…………Horribly, I found that my father-in-law just went berserk at this, and started abusing my mom and dad. At last, situation went out of control, and my wife left swearing she doesn’t want to lead a life with me anymore………….I tried to call her up a week after for a small discussion regarding what has she decided about the delivery of the baby and why can't she come here and deliver it..... she just ignored the circumstances and said that there is no change in her decision, her mother cares for her well being and whatever burden comes henceforth she is ready to take care, there is no need to worry for me......I kept up my cool, and asked her if she has left me and doesn't wants to come back why doesn't she takes up her belongings which she brought from her house as I am looking to shift to another place ...( Thinking she might take back her words if she comes to know I am shifting ).....To my dismay and fate, she told to just throw out the things and no one will ask for it.........Please tell me what should I do....I am not able to live alone in that place where I used to live with her......Even though my mother is staying with me just for the fear that I might take some wrong steps.......But I can't hide my fake smile for a long day.......Should I go to my native for a change......Should I go for a legal move..... Kindly advice me what steps should I take....
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2008): stay with her in her parents town -untill the baby is deliverd? or stay near by....she cannot stop you from being there on the most important day!
god bless
xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2008): why dont you go and visit her? and take some baby gifts- tell her that if she does not want to be with you- then you shall still play a role in your babies life- you have to plan a system on who and when the child can visit you..
have faith--god bless
friend xxx
(buy her some flowers..maybe?)
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A
female
reader, Hopeful Romantic  +, writes (14 October 2008):
 Oh my goodness, what a mess! I am so sorry you are having to deal with all this. First of all... you are her husband, so I do not understand why she would not want to be with you during the delivery of your baby. You have as much right to be a part of the babies life as she does. If she does not want you to be a part of the babies life and you want to, then that is when you need to take legal action. You may also have to take legal action if she is wanting a divorce, I hate to say.
I think that if you have already talked to her and told her that you love her and want her to be with you which is why you got married... to be together... and if you have already told her that you are the father and you want to be there when your baby is born - that is your right.... if you have already told her all of this and she refuses to have any part of it, then you should take legal action, find yourself a new place to live and move there to make a new beginning. UNLESS you want to change your native to her specifications... would she want to be with you then? Is that what is holding her back?
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