A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My parents are very strict . They don't allow me to have a job. I'm 16 years old and they still think that I'm a 5 year old girl. I want to work and raise money, I want to be independent, but they refuse. What shall I do? Help me to convince them that there's nothing wrong with work.
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (29 March 2011):
 First of all, I absolutely understand your desire to be independent. When I was your age, I also had ultra-strict parents who didn't want me to work and whose attitudes were so restrictive on my life, and I didn't even want to engage in destructive behavior. I just wanted a job and a car and a bit of freedom.
So talking from experience, I can tell you that it may feel like you're always going to be trapped in a cage, but that's not the case at all. Your solution is in two parts:
1. Negotiate with your parents. Find out why they don't want you to work. Mizz says that your parents may fear for your life? That's something to consider. Find out what your parents' fears are and assuage them. If they're afraid about your grades, ask for a trial period...90 days. If your grades suffer, you'll quit. If they're afraid for your life, research and find ways to reassure tham that you will not be in danger. It's all about overcoming their objections in a respectful way.
2. If they are completely unreasonable, then it will take patience, something a teenager has a hard time with sometimes. Remember, you will not be their child forever. You *will* have independence. They can't lock you in a closet until you're 30. Start planning your future. Take steps to determine what you want to do in life and how you want to get there. Always be future minded, as that will be a goal to reach. Maybe plan to leave home for college, which will give an amazing amount of independence. Ask your parents what it takes to live on your own. Stay away from traps like risky sex, toxic men and friends, drugs, and really bad decisions.
Finally, show your parents that you don't just have the desire to have independence, but the responsibility and maturity to get there. Change their image of you, and try not to get frustrated. Crying, screaming, stomping, moping, sneaking out, and the like will only make you look more like a 5-year old.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2011): I'm in a very similar situation - except I'm nearly 19! My advice would be to begin with something small; a week or two of volunteering or work experience, for example. Hopefully that will make your parents see that you're capable of committing to the demands of a job. Then in looking for paid work, see if you can find something through family or friends (going though people you know generally helps to put parents' minds at ease), preferably simple and part time like babysitting. Keep building in this way. Gaining independence is a gradual process - and all the more so when your parents are strict! Be patient with them, maintain communication and with any luck you'll soon get where you need to be, one step at a time. Take care :)
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A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies +, writes (29 March 2011):
 you're from tynisia and things in ur country are not going well.
i can see why they dont allow u to work. ur life can be in danger!
plus...
u will be working your entire life.
enjoy being a teenager!
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