A
female
age
41-50,
*3girl
writes:[OP original title]My bf and i have either split, or are splitting, or may split, I'm not entirely sure, he kicked me and said he didn't want to see me again, but that was after england lost and an extremely tough weekend of me nagging and us having no time to talk whatsoever. i was nagging some of the time for him to talk to me. i talked him round to us spending time apart and then seeing how we got on. on saturday we are going to meet for a coffee in london. i really hope he texts me to arrange a time, i am already feeling slightly annoyed and upset that he isn't going to, because i have a party to go to at 3 and i want plenty of time to talk to him. I have only told my family, noone else so far. i feel like he is going to sit wishing he wasn't there while i lay out an agenda for the meeting and describe our options, when for him, it's all over anyway. i want us to explore our options, us both to talk about what we've been feeling and thinking, without driving to a hasty conclusion. i think the male mind does that too easily, it doesnt like just to explore things. I want him to feel like it's his conversation too... I'm quite stressed about it, as i think we can work it out but it all depends on what i do and say this saturday. How should I go about this? Thankyou X
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female
reader, sourcesgal +, writes (9 July 2010):
There's a campaign being run in the UK at the moment that started just before the World Cup. This campaign highlighted that during the World Cup domestic violence was likely to rise.
What you have said is a typical example that proves this point. Whether he had been drinking whilst watching the game, or not and was just annoyed that England lost, it is never an excuse to hit a woman.
I don't think you should be justifying that he hit you because England lost, football at the end of the day is a game, you are a human and if he's going to lash out everytime someone loses a game he will continue to hit you and you will continue to accept it.
In my opinion it is not worth trying to be in a relationship with someone who hits you once, as you never know he won't do it again!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2010): leave this guy women! i mean are you totally there? wth? this man kicked you! why would u even dream of staying with him? your lucky your able to leave anyway for sum women it isnt so easy! its not ok to be beaten by a man! u shouldnt even meet him you should just breakup and be done with it. i mean he obviously doesnt want you anyway! so be happy for that... he doesnt deserve you! so go to ur party and have fun and forget this ahole... you can find a real man that will treat you with respect and will never do to u what this man has done! this shouldnt have even been a question! If a man ever lays a hand on you, leave him! It doesnt matter if you think he loves you or not... he will do it again! and again and again! just be done with it. If you stay with him your begging to get hit or kicked or punched again. hope this helps and i hope you make the right decision. think about what evryone has said because it WILL make a difference... :)))
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2010): this man kicked you! why would u even dream of staying with him???? thats outrageous!
you should leave him and be lucky it didnt get to another level of beating... he seems like he doesnt even want a relationship with you anyway, a relationship is 50/50 and if he's not gona put any effort into it and just wants to give up like that then, meet him and tell him ur breaking up and your moving on! you can go to the party a single women and enjoy the night and meet a new man who will treat you amazing! you deserve that much...
the way i see it he had and he was lucky having you and if he wants to loose a good thing then so be it. let him go and you go on with your life...
life does go on... :)
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (8 July 2010):
Sorry, I actually misread your post. I thought it said he'd kicked you out (as in thrown you out). I didn't see that he'd actually physically kicked you. In fact, the post that disagreed with me just below is totally right. You need to end it, not go back.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2010): I disagree with caring guy. You will not be lucky if he comes back. You will be very unlucky. The man kicked you. No matter how much you might have nagged, that does not give him the right to physically harm you. If he has done it once, he will do it again.
Forget about this guy. You've had a lucky escape. Go to the party and enjoy yourself. Find someone who's going to treat you right, not somebody who is going to hurt you, physically and emotionally like this guy is doing. you deserve better.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (8 July 2010):
Actually, you're wrong about the male mind doing something like this all too hastily and not exploring. The male mind usually thinks things out very methodically and filters out options by itself as it sees fit over some time. That means when a man explodes, ends things and such, most of the time it has been building up for a while. What the male mind does not do is talk about feelings openly. We don't sit there analysing options, feelings and such once we've thought about them carefully. When we make a decision, it's done. We think, and then do. We do not think, then talk to others, then do. Your boyfriend will have been thinking about this for some time. His actions are not as hasty as they seem. There will have been problems before this that have not been taken into account. It could even be that he has attempted to communicate these problems already.
Worse still, you're now annoyed that he hasn't text you and won't text you to arrange a time to meet. It's not his job to. He ended it and made it pretty clear it was over. You're the one who wants to meet. You are the one who needs to arrange the time, so there's no use in you getting annoyed and worrying about this party. If you want him back, don't even go to the party. Forget the party. Text him and ask him about a time. Whether he meets is up to him. But you'll be very lucky if he comes back. He'll have made his decision, and it won't have been nearly as hasty as you think. He will have really thought about this. Don't make the mistake of thinking men do things hastily. We don't. If you want him back, you have to show one clear option. That option needs to be that life with you is better than life without. That's the only option you should show him if you want him back. Forget exploring, forget options. Show him one option. Show him life with you is better than life without.
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE  +, writes (8 July 2010):
 hmmm before you start drawing up blue prints and making plans and demanding this and that.. because what you just described sounds like your going to the coffee house to sign some cease fire treaty.. not get your man back....
First he kiked you you should be pissed and never want to see him again unless its to do him a great deal of bodily harm... HE BLOODY KICKED YOU!... why would you want to even be with this bloke..
But alas your n love...
you seem a little clingy and needy wanting to talk and explore options... look this guy probably doesnt want you people dont kick some one they love..
but maybe theres hope...
Instead of going there laying out a plan puttng the guy in a box you gotta appeal to him theres one thing this guy could want from you other then sex... love...
First tell him it was wrong for him to kick you if he cant acknowledge and apologize for that you need to let this guy go... before you lay out your agenda ask him what he wants and if he feels you can give it to him...
any way good luck and stop telling your family every little thing that happens..
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (8 July 2010):
 If you want him to feel it is his conversation too, then you need to let him decide the time when you meet, at least. If he doesn't, and he is aware of when you are going to the party, he is not interested in a conversation.
Can I ask why you insist on having a relationship with a man who " he kicked me and said he didn't want to see me again"? May I ask if he drinks? Since he has such a strong reaction to England loosing the match?
May I ask why you want to have a conversation with this man when "i feel like he is going to sit wishing he wasn't there " and hasn't showed ANY interest in having a conversation with you, and who you even had to talk around to get to not ditch you right off the bat?
He is not the man for you. Meet him for coffee and tell him you accept his decision to break up, and that you want your things back, and wish him best of luck in life. Then say bye and go to your party. If he wants a relationship with you he will fight for it on his own. You are the only one fighting. This relationship has ended.
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