A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm 29 years old and I met my girlfriend 5 months ago. The question is what should I do with her? Situation is as follows:She has 2 sons (5 and 7 years old) and she separated from her husband about a year ago. They grow their children "together" (they are 1 week with her and then 1 week with him), the ex lives about 5 km away. She text messages him about every day, chats with him every day in windows live messenger, talks with him on the phone many times a week and sees him at least twice a week and when there's some problems or any other stuff that's bothering her mind then she contacts him rather than me. She says they are only friends and that they certainly won't go back together because they sure as hell don't want to do that but a couple of weeks ago he told her that he had been thinking that things would be so much better if they went back together.... and she wouldn't tell me about that insident, but i guessed it of the way she was acting (hiding and erasing inbox and outbox textmessages). They discuss all the questions about the childrens education, sports, vacations and childrens life in general together and never with me. I have a dog and she doesn't like dogs, not the big once anyways, and she is super clean: vacuuming for about 4 times a week and washing the floor once a week and i find it a bit annoying but i have managed to fit in with that and started to take part in the cleening by vacuuming once a week and washing dishes twice a week. She get's pissed off really easily, like yesterday she got pissed and started to yell at me because i gave my dog a small leftover of a pizza-frosting in the living room saying i shouldn't feed my dog in the living room because it makes my dog start carrying food in there (because it has carried food in the living room once from the kichen in these past 5 month) and she is pretty pissed still because she can't understand that i won't give up and agree that i won't give my dog anything to eat - ever - at the living room because i think it's a no-big-deal. I have said that of course I won't give it any big or messy food in the living room but I can't agree that I won't give anything ever again so she's pissed even though I think she understands she is "wrong". Her kids are nice but the older one calls me names every day and even though we always say him not to do that, he just always continues it (maybe once per day).. (unloads the stress of separated parents on me I guess).The question is what should I do with her? We fight about 7-11 times/month and the sexlife is just ok. She looks good even though without clothes one sees that she has had two children. She doesn't have any hobbies and she smokes. I look good and i exercise, i don't smoke and I am well educated and I don't have any own kids. We have a great time when we are together if there isn't anything negative or things we disagree on. Not sure if I can be a 5'th weel in their relationship for ever. I love her but I'm not that sure if she is good enough for me and how she will get along with my best friend (my dog) if we move in together (buy a house). The kids are a bit scared of dogs, spesially the older one but they are somehow managed to get along with my golden retriever (age 4) even though the older one usually only shouts "NO!" to my dog when it walks towards him if he has anything in his hands (thinking my god will try to take it). I kind of like the kids - they are nice kids and I love my girlfriend, she is nice when she isn't an asshole. I haven't had long relationships so am I over reacting and I just should get used to the fact that life isn't easy and that it is normal that your girlfriend is a hard-ass?
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (28 October 2010):
 WIth all your problems OP and this lack of trust..I most definitely wouldn't bring a child into the mix.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2010): I'm the one who asked this question.
Sorry what I meant was that she is divorced, legally. She have asked me to have a child with her and was (maybe still is) hoping for us to buy a house together so she seems to be serious with me expect that she is involved much too much with her ex-husband. I wouldn't want to leave her because I love her so much and I am really happy when she is not in a bad mood.. :/
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (26 October 2010):
Is she even legally separated from her husband? What about a divorce? Because she isn't divorced, it leads me to believe she is not completely done with this marriage. Of course he will never be out of her life due to the children they have together. In your post, you complain about her an awful lot, even over the smallest things..It looks like you really are tiring of being the 5th wheel because you know that's all you will ever be. She's not going to move the relationship to the next level..There's the possibility of her and her husband getting back together..He's talked about it, the fact she's not divorced and her sneaky nature..In which you don't trust her if you're checking her texts.
My advice, take your dog and get out of this mess. Your girlfriend is still legally married, her kids can't stand you, she's starting to get annoyed by you, and you are getting tired of her, not to mention you don't trust her. Let this woman go, she doesn't have what you want.
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