A
female
age
30-35,
*idsummer
writes:As if my boyfriend didn't play games already enough. Now he wants to play 4 hours straight two nights. While he plays every night for 3 hours. Like is he serious!?!? When were supose to be spending time together.I want to spend time with him, even if it means not going out but at least watching tv together or talking about something together. All he wants to do is play his games non stop. Before we moved in he said he would never neglect me for his games, but that's all he is doing. I also have a life and do things while he is playing but it wud be nice to spend time with the person im living with. We have been together 8 months, living together 3 months. He is 26 and i'm 22. I've talked to him about it and he said he doesn't think he plays that much and that I'm just being needy.
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female
reader, little.red +, writes (1 May 2016):
Girl I have been exactly where you are a few months ago. My boyfriend would play video games ALL DAY & NIGHT only getting up to go to the bathroom and eat. It would seriously suck because every time we would see each other I would be the one driving an hour to see him every weekend. I tried talking to him about it several times but he would just say "ok" and brush it off as if the conversation never existed.
I would have a serious sit-down talk with him. Just because you're in the same room doesn't mean that you are spending time together. That was my biggest thing. He needs to be putting in just as much effort as you are! Relationships are about giving and giving . . . not giving and taking.
My boyfriend learned this the hard way when I decided that we both needed to take a step back from the relationship and take a break. That definitely did the trick for my relationship, and it might be what you need to do as well. Just take time to yourself, hang out with some family or girlfriends and think about things. But taking a break is seriously something to consider.
Stay strong. Talk to him (nicely). And hope for the best.
I wish you the best in this endeavor and feel free to message me if you need anything!
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 April 2016):
 Militaryman, your advice makes a lot of sense... in a different context.
This poster has posted at least 20 times since she is having this relationship, every time about a different issue.
If they solve the gaming issue... it will just be something else.
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A
male
reader, Militaryman1234 +, writes (29 April 2016):
 This is a different view then others, But I thought I would just throw this out? When me and my wife started dating she as well thought I had a gaming problem. I would hear about it a lot. Then one night I got her to play a video game with me.. She was hooked. We started having friday night pizza and Halo nights! It really helped us bond. And it was alot of fun And we had alot of happy memories gaming with each other. Maybe you should pick up the sticks and try it out with him. Who knowns you might even like it. I remember coming home from work and my ol lady would be yelling at the game she had been playing for hoursI hope you consider a different alternative then just leaving him, good luck
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (28 April 2016):
 Hi, again, Midsummer. I remember reading many of your posts on the topic of this boyfriend, like CindyCares. You were having problems before moving in with him, then with deciding who pays what, how long you were going to be away when he first moved in to your new apartment, that he had pictures of his ex in a jacket pocket, that he was calling your mother names and they disliked each other, that he was seriously weird, that he wouldn’t let you have a treadmill or a pet, etc.
I even remember your posts about how to convince him to move in with you, after having only dated a short while. I think a lot of aunts tried to advise you that it was too soon, too fast and that you really didn’t know him that well.
I think that that lack of mutual knowledge is now playing out in this multiple arguments you are having.
I know you suffer from IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) as well as social anxiety, so much so that you want to eat lunch alone outside or get that treadmill so you don’t have to see other people. I wonder if this social anxiety is the reason you rarely write back to us, after we’ve taken some time to think about your dilemmas and write to you?
And to go further with this, that this anxiety that you experience is part of the reason your relationship is so rocky and unhappy and unsettling for you?
Do you write these questions and then get so anxious about the answers that you ignore them, keep on doing what you do until the next issue arises? Is it possible that the anxiety is the cause of some of these miscommunications and misunderstandings with your boyfriend?
Are you exploring these issues with your psychologist when you are being helped for the anxiety? Or are we stuck in a self-perpetuating loop of anxiety, problem, anxiety, problem, and so forth?
What do you do while he is gaming? You say you have a life, do you go out with other friends? See your mother?
Have you worked on your communication skills at all with him? Your fighting fair rules? At all?
You present so many issues, never followup and then the next issue arises, so we do have no way of knowing if you have resolved the last issue. Is it the social anxiety preventing you from writing a response and hitting “add your answer”?
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (28 April 2016):
My dear...What you have is a warning is epic proportions.
Is this the kind guy you really want to settle down with?? As you say...Like are you serious??
He is just a boyfriend... And boyfriends are your opportunity to select the right man for the role of husband. It is not for you to keep a man who is not interested in you, or who shows you he is not the ready for a future life together.
Life is already the most challenging game there is. If any guy you meet is not ready to play that game...then turn him off, and start a new one.
Walk up to him and say " You and me... Game Over"
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (28 April 2016):
Simple ; you leave him. You accept that you two are widely incompatible, and that not all relationships, even the most passionate and romantic, are made to last.
Why are you so stubborn, Midsummer ?
Judging from the number and content of your post, this is SO not working out.
If it is not one thing it is another. Now you do not give us updates so we do not know if when you post about a new problem, you have solved together the old one. Or if the new one just piles on top of all the old ones. But even in the first happiest scenario, it is surely a bad and meaningful omen that something new keeps cropping up every 15 days or so. It means that you may like , or have liked each other, a lot - nevertheless you are not meant to live together.
Your sex life is not fulfilling- he is not affectionate enough- he hates your mother- he calls you names - you can't agree about costs and expenses of living together- he feels that you , as a couple, are always doing only what you want... and you feel exactly the same toward him ! You want a treadmill and he does not, you want a pet and he does not, he wants to play his games without time limits , and you ( not unreasonably, btw ! ) don't like that...And I am sure there were more complaints which I do not remember now.
What else would it take to convince you that you are not suited to each other ?.. What is he supposed to do, beat you to a pulp ? Where do you draw the line, or .. is there a line at all ?
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A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (28 April 2016):
 Hi,
you sit him down and very calmy and rationally, you explain to him the importance of one on one, quality time together, away from all of this modern worlds high tech devices and daily stresses.
You express to your bf that YOU would really appreciate and enjoy it, if the two of you could just spend some time together, away from all technology.
You say, i am not asking for your entire day, just a small part of it, because i love you and i enjoy spending quality time with you.
I would even be inclined to turn the tv off and just spend 30 mins talking to each other most evenings, or at least some.
This way, you'll really get to know each other, see each other and hear each other and build a stronger relationship, especially if you see yourself with this guy for the long term.
All these things equate to strong relational building blocks.
I love the saying, "together we stand, divided we fall".
This quote applys to any relationship.
Excessive game playing are unfortunately, your generations tool for daily fun.
When i was your age, everything was face to face. We dealt with real people, real conversations and real relationships.
Things have changed ten fold these days, but it doesn't have to be all doom and gloom, because you can still connect in the "real" sense.
It doesn't have to be generational, nor habitual, but a CHOICE on YOUR part.
You need to be totally upfront and honest with your bf, so that he can really see where you are coming from and believe me when i say, if he truly cares about YOU or your RELATIONSHIP, he will do everything in his power to meet you halfway and make it work.
He may just be accustomed to games, because this is what he has grown up doing, a lifelong habit, so he doesn't know any better, nor think any different.
On a positive note, at least he's only playing with games at home and not getting up to no good outside of the home.
Be strong, be positive and talk to your bf in a kind, supportive and loving manner and you may just be surprised at the outcome.
I wish you all the best and let me know how you get on. :-)
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