A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid I have a problem with my girlfriend of 5 years whom we once quarelled as she was saying that I don't trust because when I happen to be at her work place people who know that we are an item working around her as she is a street vendor acted strange like there was something going on that I was not aware of.As soon as I was leaving from her work place they would start talking to each other and laugh so that led me to asking her what is going on around here she would get angry and be defensive.That went on until she moved out of our place where we were staying together, so now we managed to sort out our differences and give each other a chance.A few months ago, as we were back together, she talked me that she lied about where she was staying as she usually come to my place, but I never went to her place. This is because she said she was staying with a relative.Now I am worried that since she lied about where she was staying, what other lies is she telling me and what do I do in this situation
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female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (28 April 2016):
 I agree fully with "WiseOwlE".
He has pretty much summed up, all i wanted to express to you.
I will add though, if you do not trust your gf and if she, according to your thought processes, cannot be trusted, or UNLESS, she has given you much reason to doubt her honesty, then you simply break up with her and you move on, making way for yourself to find the right suitor for you.
Don't continue to stay with a woman whom you do not trust.
It is causing both of you too much stress, pain and insecurity.
The insecurity is on your part, because, it is "YOU" WHO DOESN'T TRUST YOUR GF.
I suspect here, that you're the kind of guy who would find it hard to trust anybody, so this issue of trust may well be something imbedded within you from your past. Perhaps your upbringing.
If that is the case, then professional counselling is what i would highly advise you to do.
Trust is everything within any relationship. If there is NO trust, there is NO relationship.
Think about that deeply.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2016): Nothing kills relationships like insecurity. Did you really sort things out, or just sweep your problems under the rug long enough to get back together? Making a truce, because you missed each other so much and your withdrawal from each other just got too much to bear? There's also a little bit of an addiction to each other; so you overlook your relationship issues just to get that fix?
I really don't understand why people cling to people they have the gall to label a liar. You keep wondering about what "lies" she has told. You're still bitter, because you have a lot of unresolved issues. You can't or don't know how to communicate. You form harsh opinions and you don't believe the answers you receive. How many lies are too many?
I really feel uncomfortable about men who accuse women of telling them lies; yet they won't let them go. This behavior turns into obsession. Which leads to even more destructive behavior.
Physical, psychological, or verbal-abuse being the usual result.
Calling people liars is psychologically and verbally-abusive; when you feel that way, and won't walk away. If you can't trust her; then leave her. Your accusations and suspicions are counterproductive, and yet you insist on keeping her around to project your negative feelings onto her. How the heck do you draw any conclusions about her; based on what you "think" are the reactions of her co-workers? Yet no one has ever told you anything.
Seriously?!!
If there is no trust, then the relationship is hemorrhaging and suffering a slow death. You will break-up, and it will be a nasty one. Your post says it all.
...............................
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