A
female
age
36-40,
*ubblygirl
writes:I need advice on what to do in this situation.I love my boyfriend and he's a great guy in many ways. The only thing is when he hangs out with his friends, they always go to the bar. I go with them most of the time. What upsets me is seeing girls walk up to them and flirt. My boyfriend stands there and allows it! I feel jealous and like he is disrespecting me by allowing this!However, it is always the girls that approach, never him, he never buys them drinks or gets their number or makes out with them. It just bothers me cause he flirts with them in front of me! I have also told him how I feel in this situation. He feels like he is doing nothing wrong. However, he is going out to the bar a bit less since which tells me he cares. Why do I feel like this? I need advice. What should I do with this?
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female
reader, veronika  +, writes (7 March 2010):
 I'm betting the reason you feel like this is because deep down you're afraid that he might flirt a bit *too* much, and there's a possibility he might go further than flirting.
In my opinion, there are two main different types of flirting. Friendly flirting and sexual flirting. Friendly flirting is the type you do just because you're outgoing and friendly and want people to be interested in you as a person and come off as engaging and extroverted. Sexual flirting is where you flirt for sexual gain, to seduce someone, get their number, and eventually have sex with them (for most that is the end goal).
I would suggest from the information you've given, that your BF is more of a friendly flirt, because he's not buying these girls drinks, he's not being touchy feely (is he?), he's not getting their number, etc. I'm willing to bet he's just trying to be friendly so he doesn't come off as a jerk.
However - if he makes a habit of this all the time, then he needs to cut down because I think too much flirting with others in a relationship can be harmful if the other person is upset by it.
There is *nothing* wrong with anyone saying politely, "Sorry, but I'm taken" or somehow working the fact that they have a girlfriend or boyfriend into the conversation so the other person gets the hint. I think perhaps he needs to take this tact from now on, so he doesn't lead any girls on.
Good luck :)
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